Indecent Affairs II: Sordid Infatuations
by birobird93
Summary: Bella and her English Professor are back! Battling everyday life as a couple in Seattle. Awaiting the birth of their child and preparing impending matramony. LEMONS GALORE. New friends and enemies. Danger and Lies. Shocks and Surprises, too.
1. Conundrum

**With much happiness, it is my pleasure to introduce you to the much awaited, second installment of Indecent Affairs II: Sordid Iinfatuations.**

**I'm not completely sold on the name yet, I'm pretty sure I made up a better one before but I can't remember it now. That was because I was in the shower when I got all my ideas for this next fic. Haha. Funny, right? Cause Bella and Edward banged in a shower in 'IA'. Yeah, I wish I had the real thing for inspiration, but Edwrad remains in fanfic and not real life...apparantly. But I have yet to gather hair samples from Robert Pattinson. Anywho, I hope you guys approve of my new story.**

**Bella and Edward's escapdes continue into their new life. Adult situations arise for a young Bella who is a mum-to-be. They fight and they love. And I can guaramtee you there will be more lemons in here than in an orchard. New friends are made, as well as enemies. Surprises and shocks to come, as well. The time frame for this is around two months after IA left us. However, the epilogue in IA was set almost a year after her graduation.**

**Enjoy! It's great to have the gang back!**

* * *

_Come with me, my love,_

_To the sea, the sea of love,_

_I wanna tell you,_

_How much...I love you..._

_Do you remember when we met,_

_Thats the day i knew you were mine_

_I wanna tell you, _

_How much..._

_I love you._

_Sea of Love-Cat Power. (Juno soundtrack--yes, I get the irony, teenage pregnancy and all)_

"I could go for a lamb kebab, a Tootsie pop...some cheese fries and...a baked potato right now," I commented, conjuring up all the images of those delectable foods in my mind.

Edward chuckled. "I don't think they have all that at the Italian restaurant." He reasoned. I shrugged and crossed my arms, turning my head to stare out the window. Seattle was a beautiful metropolis, a place of light and opportunity. A place to start off fresh with my fiancée and our impending baby.

I could already see myself strutting the streets of the crowded city, flouting around with my baby on my hip and my husband at my side. Of course, I was getting ahead of myself. I was only four months along into my pregnancy. Edward, however, acts as if I'm some ticking time bomb, ready to go off any second and drop a baby at his feet. Preferably not, in my opinion. I would rather it happen in a hospital and not over Edward's shoes. I chuckled at the thought of that happening.

"What's so funny?" he asked curiously, a hint of humour leaking into his tone. I turned to face him and grinned.

"Nothing, I was just imagining my water breaking over your shoes." He screwed his face up and laughed. I reached my hand out and squeezed his thigh. He smiled but kept his eyes on the road, no need to risk a collision. After we found out I was having a baby, Edward was euphoric, over the fucking moon.

He told me he hadn't been this happy in his entire life. The only other times matching it would be when we first kissed, our first time, and when he proposed.

And after everything that happened in Forks with the whole cult fiasco, he was so severely protective now. He would almost have an aneurysm if another man even so much as glanced at me. I thought it was cute if not unbearably annoying at times. But when I asked him about it he told me he couldn't help it.

So, I couldn't much complain over something he had no control over. Besides, I hated it when women looked at him the wrong way. He had to hold me back from beating some bitch over the head with a cinder block after she so obviously propositioned him right in front of me.

That night we fucked so hard—it was mind blowing. I was incredibly tempted to send a signed video of that night to the blonde ho. But Edward said that would be poor appearance on our part, and he said that he didn't want anything of me, naked, outside of our house. I couldn't argue with that if he wanted to keep me all to himself.

He was already talking to my stomach though, which was odd, but I welcomed it. Edward seemed so content just to press his ear against it, hoping to hear it's heartbeat, although that was highly unlikely given that I'm not far enough along yet. I had gained weight, but not much. I had just finished my first trimester, but the morning sickness had not subsided, sadly. And unbeknownst to me, morning sickness lasted all fucking day long, and possibly throughout the entire duration of the motherfucking nine months!

And the hormones! Nobody bothered to mention it to poor, naive little Bella. No, of course not. I never knew pregnant women could go from depressed to horny in three seconds flat. I found myself rifling through the fridge in the middle of the night, hungry for some comfort food.

Then in mere seconds I was running back to the bedroom to smother Edward in whipped cream and Smores then have my way with him. But then I also found that I couldn't bring out the strength to finish it and on more than one occasion I fell asleep at the wheel—and by the wheel, I mean when we were intimate.

That bruised Edward's ego just a little bit. But he knew it was only the side effects of having a human growing in my uterus. Seeing as I was tiny to start with, the weight gain was quite noticeable. But it only added to my belly, and the rest of me has stayed quite close to normal. But I still felt self-conscious.

I hadn't even gotten half-way yet and I thought I looked like Carnie Wilson. What was I going to look like when I was overdue and waiting to push the kid out? I'd be gigantic. I shuddered at the thought of looking at myself in the mirror, naked. Gross. Edward had tried to persuade me into thinking that pregnancy was beautiful and that I was beautiful, even more so everyday according to him. It comforted me slightly, but I knew he had to say that because he was the one who knocked me up.

He was a sweetheart, really, but he wasn't gaining the weight and growing a massive ass. One plus side to this whole _lovely_ situation, was the fact that our sex life has not declined in the least. Edward told me he still found me even sexier than the day we met. It sounded like something an old couple would say to each other after they stopped having sex for three years. I hoped that wouldn't happen to us. The car pulled into the restaurant, the valet waited for Edward to step out.

He came around to my side and opened my door for me. He smiled glowingly as he took my hand in his, lifting me out of my seat.

I smoothed my hands down my knee-length tear skirt. My stomach subtly protruded from my pelvis, but my shirt made it inconspicuous and barely noticeable. Yet despite the fat taunts from my own brain, I felt the need to flaunt it whenever I could. Tonight however, I couldn't be bothered and I was going to be in a room full of college professors and their menopausal wives. I didn't want their wrinkly hands caressing my baby belly. I already had people doing that all the time.

At the gym, in the supermarkets...everywhere. Everyone approached me with quizzical eyes before they paused and stared pointedly at my stomach. I had to sigh and nod each time before they went ahead and pressed their palm to me. It was kind of weird. I also hoped they would stop once my belly button started to go all fucked up and push out from my bulge. Then they might leave me alone. One can only hope. I wasn't used to all the attention so it came as such a surprise, and to get it from strangers, mostly women. But on the odd occasion, a man would approach. I let them have their fair share of grasps, but it had to be when Edward wasn't with me.

Otherwise he would have been the protective little troll he was and carried me away.

When he was with me, he would only let women touch my belly, which I guess I understood.

Sort of. My sapphire blue, silk blouse shimmered in the glowing lights from the building. Edward tipped the valet and dragged me along behind him.

"There had better be hot rolls with butter," I warned scathingly. I tended to get a little snappy when I didn't get fed. Edward learnt from experience. We never spoke of the ice-cream incident two months ago. He always made sure the apartment was fully stocked of my favourite foods after that, but he was anal about eating right, too. I had to eat proper meals, which was fine with me, as long as I got to eat treats as well. We were greeted at the door by a young man, possibly my age.

He smiled warmly at us. "How can I help you this evening?" Edward cleared his throat.

"We are with the Volturi party tonight," he said, motioning to the huge table in the middle of the room.

I gawked. How many people actually worked with Edward? Obviously half of Seattle. This damn banquet was all Marcus's idea. Marcus was Edward's boss—the dean at Seattle Pacific University. If you asked me, I would have said the guy looked like a complete press mogul. He didn't do anything for the benefit of staff or students, only the publicity of his school and himself. He was a pretentious prick and Edward knew I hated him with a passion.

He was less than warm the first time I met him—he practically disregarded Edward's college training, saying the new age education was declining and anyone could do his job. Yeah, sure he may have been joking at the time but that didn't stop me from wanting to tear his balls off and shove them down his throat.

Tonight's meeting was to discuss new approaches to lecturing tactics. That shit would bore the crap out of me—I wish Edward hadn't brought me. But when he mentioned food, my stupid brain wouldn't work and all I could do was oblige to his whim. And within a half hour we were here, standing before the dining table that stretched a hundred yards through the building. I was _so_ not exaggerating. Marcus waved us over. Edward squeezed my hand, his thumb grazing over my diamond ring—yes, he had to save up a lot for this baby.

I smiled tightly before following him down the end of the table.

"This had better be all you can eat, buddy. Because if it's not I'll be skippin' this shit pronto," I hissed, my eyes darting over all their faces. They watched me clutch to Edward's side. I guess i had been wrong about the professors all having wrinkly old wives.

No, I was dead wrong. Their wives must have stayed home while they took out their plastic, orange mistresses. All blonde and fake—it made me want to puke. I hope I didn't come off, looking like one of those people. We reached our seats, Edward pulled mine out for me.

I smiled and sat down. I looked up and noticed Carmen and Kate on the opposite side. I grinned, grateful for their company, seeing as how most of these people here were men. And at least I could hold a conversation with these two—they were a house on fire, able to talk your ear off for hours. They were also closer to my age so that helped immensely. "How are you, Bella? Hope this one is treating you right." Carmen winked, jutting her chin out, indicating Edward.

He had been engaged in conversation with tweedle-dumb-fuck, so I was free to respond without looking rude.

"Oh, don't you worry about me, sweetie. He treats me just fine. Although these cravings sure can be a pain," I motioned to my stomach and started rubbing circles over it unconsciously. We laughed and joked for a good ten minutes before I could really feel the hunger setting in.

"Ugh, honey?" I asked, grasping Edward's shoulder. "Hmm?" I did Bambi eyes and stared up at him with my bottom lip pouted. His brow pulled together—man, he was easy. "Can we order now?" I pleaded. My other hand crept up his thigh which was concealed by the gauzy table cloth.

He flinched a little, his green eyes blazing before they narrowed. He sighed, his sweet breath caressing my lips and nose. I bit my lip against a guttural moan that was threatening to break free. God, I needed food or Edward. Since Edward was closer, he would need to put food in between me and him if he wanted to keep his rep with his bosses. If not, I would be throwing him down on this table and screwing him over the entrees.

"What would you like, Bella?" he spoke through his teeth, not liking the game I was playing. I grinned, triumphantly before removing my hand, it was no longer needed. He looked disappointed, so maybe he _did_ like the game I was playing. Either way was a good. I went through the list, not holding back. I was starving.

After our lengthy meal, lengthy because I kept eating after everyone was finished—we slumped down in our chairs. Carmen and Kate came around to my side of the table, picking me up and dragging me to the bar with them. "Uh, you do know I'm pregnant, right?" I asked incredulously, eyeing the bottle of Jagermeister that the bartender had pulled out on Carmen's request. "Yes, _Bella_, we know that. We aren't _that_ dense." She scoffed, downing two shots before I even had time to blink.

"Well, I should hope not. You _are_ a college professor. I'd hate to see the students learning German curses because that's all you've bothered to look up on Google translator." Kate snorted, her drink spraying. I laughed and stepped back, away from the shower. I had already bathed in Jager once in my lifetime.

Once was enough with Edward. That afternoon at school was so fucking fun. I sighed contentedly, rubbing my belly again, letting my mind wander off onto reminiscent tangents. "What do you know about German, Bella?" Carmen asked over her glass. I raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

"Nothing. I only did Spanish in high school." I murmured, surveying the room absently. The off-white table clothes were a spectacularly poor choice in a restaurant with predominantly red sauce and wine. I mean, that's just common sense, right? "Have you thought about enrolling in college?" Kate asked curiously, cocking her head to the side.

Her question caught me off guard, my ministrations paused and I dropped my hands. "Huh. Well, I was all set to...but...things change." I said evasively. Nobody outside of Forks knew about my controversial relationship with Edward—I also wanted to keep it that way. However, we had indulged in some kinky office sex after he started working here.

"I met Edward...I got comfortable. And..." I trailed off, shrugging. "What more is there to say?" I asked. Carmen and Kate shared a measured glance before they both turned back to study me. "Honey, you should enrol. What happens when the baby is born? Are you just going to forget about your career?" I knew she didn't mean it to be offensive. She was just merely curious. I sighed, scratching my wrist. I had never thought about trying to get into college after I found out I was having this child.

I mean, I had had it planned out that I was going to enrol at Seattle Pacific—I just wasn't sure what course to do.

Then I had realised I was up the duff and that turned all my plans on their ass. Surely, I couldn't reconsider...could I...? I bit my lip and stared up at the dazzling chandeliers. "Well, you two make a valid suggestion." I sighed, smiling lazily. I was getting pretty tired. Before they could say anything, strong arms encircled my waist from behind. Edward nuzzled his face into my hair before inhaling deeply. "Hey," he sighed into my skin. I grinned and wiggled my eyebrows at the girls.

They both winked at me, squeezed my hand and strutted off with a flip of their hair. I turned around to put my hands on Edward's shoulders.

"Should I go to college?" I said out of thin air. He was taken aback. "What?" he asked, shaking his head in confusion.

"I was just thinking. Maybe I shouldn't give up one my career plans before I even turn twenty one." His brow pulled together. "You don't have to go proving yourself." He murmured, tracing my bottom lip with his index finger. "I know that, Edward." I sighed. "But I feel like I've given it all up before I even tried doing it. You know?" I said, frowning. "I don't want this baby to decide everything for me. I'm still my own woman, Edward." I reminded him. He nodded. "But what _about_ the baby?" he continued.

I waited patiently. "If you're in college and I have a full time job, who's going to look after him or her?" he challenged. That made me angry.

I dropped my hands from his shoulders and scowled into his eyes. "So is that all I am? A fucking baby maker? I procure the kids and pop 'em out, act all Susie Home Maker and you get to do the tough jobs?" My voice rose and octave and he looked embarrassed.

"What about my life, Edward? The one I had planned before you?" I was only using this angle because I had no other argument. What he was suggesting was reasonable but I wanted a life of my own too. Besides, it's not like I'd abandon the kid. He's acting as if I'm the most selfish person in the world for wanting what he already got. "Bella," he started, his tone laced with acid.

"Now is not the time and in front of my co-workers is not the place. Just...be quiet and we'll talk about this when you've calmed _down._" He practically hissed in my ear. I pulled back, tugging my arm away from his grasp. "You want me to make a scene? Oh, I will _make_ a _scene!"_ I almost yelled. He sighed, closing his eyes and rubbing his forehead. "Don't pull the poor fiancée role on me, Edward Anthony Cullen." I sneered. He opened his eyes with his eye brows raised.

I knew it was completely inappropriate of me to be doing this. Not to mention damaging, but he really pissed me off then.

The night was going fine and he just had to ruin it. "What are you scared of me banging my professor? Is that it? Cause I gotta tell you, honey. I don't have a great track record." With that last sentence, I turned on my heel and stormed out into the reception area, grabbing my coat from the front desk and sauntering outside.

I waited by the undercover driveway. The valet eyed me for a moment. I shoved my hands in the pockets of my corduroy coat, sniffling and wiping at my eyes. Stupid hormonal tears. The young man approached me with a concerned face. "Are you alright, miss?" he asked warmly, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I sniffled and nodded, trying not to make eye contact. He gently squeezed my shoulder. "I'll take it from here," Edward's gruff voice startled me. I didn't lift my head to look in his eyes or to even look at him at all. The valet carefully removed his hand—usually I would have scolded Edward for scaring the poor boy but tonight I was in no mood.

Besides, I don't think he would take too kindly to being told off, especially by me. Edward grabbed my hand tightly, walking me to my door and opening it before shutting it behind me. He stalked to his side and slid in, turning the heater on low. He started up and filed out behind a line of cars.

I sighed, leaning my head against the glass window and staring out at the night life. Wow, the hookers in Seattle looked way classier than the ones in Port Angeles. I observed everything else because the crackling tension of unspoken words was too much to even acknowledge.

So I did my best to ignore him for the next fifteen minutes. Too soon, we pulled into our parking lot under our building. We sat in silence for over three minutes, not looking at each other. Finally, he broke the silence. "I was thinking of some baby names today..." I couldn't help the smile that tugged at my lips. I hesitantly peeked up at his face. He had a look of remorse glued to his features. My heart melted and I crawled over the centre console to straddle his lap.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in my hair.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean anything by what I said. If you want to go to college, we'll work something out. Just please don't be upset, love." I had my hands resting on his shoulders, I squeezed them gently before taking his face and pulling it to mine. I kissed him reverently, in awed at his beauty.

Still to this day, I bask in the glory that is my English professor--Edward Cullen. He parted my lips with his, sliding his tongue in and out of my mouth. I groaned. Shit, I was majorly horny now. He would have to finish what he started. Right now. I gasped shallow breaths, leaning back against the steering wheel before I unbuttoned his dress shirt. While I did that, he reached beside the seat to lower the back rest to give us more room.

I had never had sex with him in a car before—it sounded exhilarating.

But at that moment, I wasn't thinking about time or place. I was just thinking about having him inside me. My blouse was off my shoulders in seconds. He reached around my back to unclasp my bra, letting my breasts free. God, that felt so good.

The poor girls were cooped up in that tiny bra all day. They were a little tender.

Another little perk of pregnancy—and I mean this on a sarcastic level—my boobs were _huge!_ But huge lead to back pain and soreness. Perfect. But I didn't think of that now. My hands and brain were pre-occupied with make-up sex. Edward moaned as I hiked my skirt up t my waist, undoing his pants along the way.

"Oh, god, Edward, I need you." I groaned, raking my nails down his chest as he cupped my breasts tenderly. He sat up, his fingers grazing across my inner thigh. I shivered and tugged at his hair. "Ah, fuck!" he whispered. I let my head fall back in anticipation, waiting for what I knew would come next. Torn lace panties.

I heard the tear and felt the freedom. I also felt Edward's throbbing erection waiting at my core. I bit my lip as he lifted me up then down on top of him. He fell back onto the seat as I started moving. Slowly. His hand gripped my hips, pushing me up and down and back and forth. I started playing with my own breasts as he worked me, closing my eyes and biting my lip with each groan and motion. "Oh, god, Bella. Fuck." He said, watching me touch myself.

"Oh, fuck that's hot." He groaned, moving me faster. "Mmm," I hummed in satisfaction.

The humidity in the car was building up and the windows were beginning to fog up. I was panting and gasping, begging Edward to go faster. He drove his thumb into my clit and started massaging with total abandon—using the slickness that was already built up from his mere touch.

He leant forward, taking my nipple in his mouth and licking around it. He placed open mouthed kisses across my breasts and down my stomach. One hand gripped my ass, the other worked harder on my sensitive mound. I growled, my eyes rolling back in my head with the spike of pleasure.

"Argh, Edward!" I gasped breathlessly. The space around us heated and ignited with invisible sparks, the way it always did when we made love.

The electricity surrounded us—my head grew clouded. "Bella. Bella. Bella." He whispered. I felt so emotional. Just hearing him murmur my name in a moment like this made me want to cry. I sped up my rocking against his shaft. He jerked and groaned at the movement. "Fuck, Bella! I can't hold on much longer," he begged. "Please come for me." Just hearing Edward talk like that was enough to push me off the edge of pleasure town. I gasped, gripping his hair tighter and pulling his face to my chest as I rode out the exhaustingly bone crippling orgasm. He growled, gripping my hips tighter as he emptied inside of me. I sniffled, letting my hair fall in my face to hide my tear streaked cheeks. Edward's hands moved up to my face, his eyes frantic. "What did I do? Was it too fast?" he asked anxiously, rubbing his thumbs under my eyes. I groaned and shook my head.

"No, retard. It's my hormones. You said my name and it just made me so happy..y...y..eeeee." I sobbed. His eyebrows furrowed and he stared at me helplessly before smiling and pulling my face to the crook of his neck. "You're welcome." He whispered, kissing me tenderly on the cheek.

I gripped his shoulders as he retrieved my bra and helped me put it back on.

Followed by my silk blouse, he kissed each shoulder before buttoning it back up. He pulled me off of him, hissing at the feeling of it and the loss of contact. He sat me back in the passenger seat and I proceeded to pull my skirt down from under my boobs.

He buttoned his pants back up and his shirt. He checked everything, giving the interior a once over before opening his door. I got out before he got to my side which he frowned at. But before he could complain, I swung my handbag at him and batted him across the ass. He laced our fingers together and we walked towards the elevator. The parking lot was practically empty, spare for a few cars here and there. Our building wasn't spectacular, but it felt like home to us.

There was no doorman to greet us at the elevator, although there was a security camera. I blushed at the thought of the maintenance guys seeing our vehicle escapades. We rode the elevator in comfortable, post-orgasmic silence. We were both pretty pleased so we just stared, doe-eyed at the reflective, silver doors. Edward made a grand gesture of sweeping me up in his arms, bridle style to carry me through the threshold. "You know, soon I'm going to be too heavy for that." I warned with an edge of resignation.

"You'll be beautiful," he murmured seriously. I rolled my eyes. "You know, I've never met anyone more stubborn or pig headed..." he trailed off, narrowing his eyes at me as he walked through to the bedroom, kicking the door shut. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and placed my other palm over his chest.

"I have," I interjected. "He's stubborn, he's got an ego the size of barn, a potty mouth during sex, he makes the cutest noises while he snores—" His mouth popped open and he scoffed. "I _do not_ snore!" he whinged. I looked at him with wide, innocent eyes. "Whoever said I was talking about you, Edward?" I goaded subtly. He glared and dropped me on the bed before crawling over my body, hovering. I giggled and squealed as he tried poking his fingers in my sides.

"'Whoever said I was talking about you, Edward?' Pfft, you little tease." He said, mimicking my earlier words with a nasally imitation of my voice. "That is not how I sound!" I squealed incredulously as he continued with the tickling.

Suddenly, out of no-where, I felt an odd, fluttering sensation in my stomach. I tensed and Edward stopped immediately. I frowned and my palm went straight to my slight bump. I breathed deeply and waited for it to happen again.

"No," I whispered to myself. "It just...it moved!" I gasped, staring wide-eyed at Edward's face above me. "It did?" he choked out. I grabbed his hand and held it over my stomach, where I felt it happen before. "It's really light...but it was there." I murmured, impatient for it to do it again.

He put both hands over my belly and leant further down to press his ear against it. I gasped—it did it again! I made an incomprehensibly squeak. Edward's eyes brightened infinitely and went all glassy. His mouth was hanging open and he was speechless. I laughed out loud.

"And I thought it was the woman who got all emotional," He didn't reply he just crawled closer to my face and kissed me on the lips. "I love you, Bella." He whispered before going back to caressing my baby bump. I sighed—I was hoping for some more nookie.

Who would have thought? Being cock-blocked by your unborn kid. I smiled and giggled as Edward smiled and 'oohed' at every flutter. But after about ten minutes it came to a stop. He looked disappointed. I chuckled. "Don't be upset. She'll probably start up again tomorrow.

I got some killer heart burn, though." I said, gritting my teeth and rubbing my chest. Edward kissed my forehead before standing up. "I'll get you something for that," he called over his shoulder. I stared blankly up at the ceiling with a euphoric smile on my mouth.

A beautiful Italian dinner with car sex afterwards, what a night, I was exhausted. I slowly sat up then walked over to the closet to get my pyjamas out. I bit my lip and shifted my weight as I surveyed all my clothes. I huffed and turned to Edward's clothes, grabbing one of his old t-shirts.

I stripped at the foot of the bed and pulled the t-shirt over my head, crawling under the covers and waiting for my fiancée to join me. He came back in just then, flipping the lights off as he went and bringing a glass of water to my side of the bed, along with a Mylanta tablet. He straightened and pulled his shirt off along with his pants. I grinned over the glass as I watched him—he smirked back at me. I smiled and he kissed the tip of my nose before climbing over me to his side of the bed. I downed the pill and the water before rolling over and snuggling into Edward's chest. I had dozed off for around fifteen minutes before the phone rang.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me," I muttered into Edward. He groaned. I sighed and rolled over to the cordless phone that rested on the cherry wood nightstand.

"Hello?" I said before yawning into the receiver. Nothing but crickets. I sighed. "Is anyone there?" I said dully.

I wasn't in the mood for prank calls. "Ugh, come on!" I complained, blinking my eyes. There was a dull thumping in the background.

I rolled my eyes. "Get a life, whoever you are." I chastised, hanging up. I put the phone back and not two seconds later it was ringing again. I was growling now. "Make them go away!" Edward whined, his hand resting on the small of my back as I reached for the fucking phone again. "What?" I said sharply. "Oh, Bella, I'm sorry." Carmen's voice was nervous. I sighed. "No, I'm sorry. I get a little snappy when I get interrupted by calls thats all." She laughed.

"I just wanted to check on you guys. I saw how you two left and I wanted to make sure you were alright." She said kindly. I clucked my tongue. "That's sweet, Carmen but everything is fine." I assured her. "Edward learnt his lesson." He chuckled sleepily at my comment. I smiled.

"I'll talk to you later and Edward will see you at work tomorrow." I said, trying to get out of the conversation in a nice manner. If Edward managed to teach me anything as my teacher, other than that having sex in a classroom was unbearably hot—it was that politeness went a long way. "Okay, B. I'll see you soon then. We'll have coffee. I mean, well, I'll have coffee and you have herbal tea." I made a disgusted noise in the back of my throat before chuckling. "Will do. Bye." I hung up and scooted back to my position.

"I hate phones." I said, yawning again. Edward's hand ran up and down my spine. "Yes, but without phones, how could you order Chinese food?" I hummed. "Hmm...we have a conundrum." He laughed, the sound vibrating through his chest and into my ear. I tapped my fingers on his chest and snuggled into his warmth.

I dreamt of beaches, sunlight, Edward and silent phone calls.

**And they're back!! Car sex and all.**

***collective wistful sigh* Its feeling all nostalgic now. Well, for me anyway. Even though I finished IA just a few weeks ago, if that. LOL**

**Well, I think I owed all my special reviewers what they had been asking for.**

**I know the pregnancy thing is alot. If I have said something that isn't correct, please let me know cause I have never had kids and I only did research on the internet. I don't wanna seem like some douchbag. Anyways...R&R my lovely people!**

**-birobird**

**P.S. Names for the fic? I could change it? Let me know. And what about Edward's nickname? Still Teacherward? Or Professorward? I was thinking, DILFward ;)**


	2. Lamaze

Lamaze class.

Pure, unadulterated torture. I would rather have someone stick a greasy pole up my ass than be surrounded by these nimrods all day. I mean, come on, having a fake rack and being pregnant?

What is up with that? I stared across the room, sitting cross legged in front of Edward. I had my eyes trained to one woman in particular. Her stoner boyfriend sat behind her, only his legs were stretched off to the side and he was practically lying against her like a sofa cushion. But, I guess she had it coming, getting together with some douche bag like that. She had dirty blonde hair that was pulled into a messy, tight bun on the crown of her head. She was practicing breathing exercises, eyes closed and lips pouted as she exhaled. I watched on with my nose wrinkled as she kept readjusting her boobs.

Her husband, or boyfriend or whatever, belched loudly.

The entire room turned to him with wide eyes. He shrugged and she swatted him over the back of the head before hissing obscenities into his face. He rolled his eyes, crossing his legs at the ankle and staring off into space. She continued her meditating while his eyes wandered over to me.

I quickly averted my gaze, not wanting to make eye contact in case I caught some air born disease. It sounded irrational but as long as I could leave soon, I didn't give a fuck about offending anyone.

Besides, it was all my own thoughts. Nobody could hear them. Edward's hands tightened around my waist and I placed my palms over his knees. I glanced up at him, smiling. He was glaring over at the hobo, dick wad in the corner. I chuckled and he smiled down at me.

The class hadn't begun yet but I had still received the tenuous introductions from the mothers who already attended this god forsaken place. I had nothing against organisations and group classes like these, it was just this one in particular that had me screaming for an exit. I had been courteously approached by Tiffany—a young woman of the ripe old age of 30. She had been coming to these lessons for the past eight years, apparently, after having her fourth child. She welcomed me warmly, yet I could see in her eyes that she thought of me as the plague. I had accidentally mentioned that I was still going to beg for a mother fucking epidural when the time came to give birth to my baby.

She thought I was weak and taking the easy way out. Edward had to hold me back before I scratched her eyes out. She smiled knowingly at me, as if she held all the damn answers to the Universe in her uterus. Then there were even cliques. Tiffany appeared to be the leader, or queen bee.

I felt like I was back in high school and I didn't fucking like it. Edward and I were the new comers, the foreign exchange students or the loners. The lead clique—which I had nicknamed the 'Hor-whore brigade', meaning, hormonal whore brigade—consisted of Tiffany, of course, her husband, Caius, Victoria and James (watch out for the red nut kid with that gene pool), Emily and Kate (yes, that is correct, they have their own lesbians) and Zafrina and Garret. Quite exotic names, if you asked me.

I wondered what they were going to call their little bundles of rotten joy. I went through the typical upper-class names that were most likely on their lists.

You know, the superficial names that celebrities chose because they want something unique or whatever. Personally, I think they were all going through pot withdrawals and it cause severe hallucinations were the dreamed of a world where those names were cool or something. Or maybe because I was biased and I wanted a name that was at least semi-normal. Huh. Biased and crazy or not, but I was not settling for something as fucked up as Apple, or Maddox, or worse...Jackson. I visibly shuddered.

No way were those stinky ass names getting anywhere near my kid. I was thinking more along the lines of Sapphira, something Greek. I sighed wistfully but was snapped out of my abstraction by someone clicking their fingers in front of my face. Anyone who did that was immediately put on my list of people to kill.

I jumped, elbowing Edward in the stomach. He huffed and rubbed at his torso before placing his hands back on my belly.

Well, what was there anyway. I was around 19 weeks along, however, I had stupidly volunteered to come to this place because I wanted to be well informed earlier. Stupid Bella. I was going to scold Edward for this later. After all, he was supposed to keep me sane and grounded and he let me talk him into coming here? Foolish, Edward. I stared, wide-eyed and incredulous up at Tiffany.

Once she had my attention, she stood up straight, her humungous belly making it hard for her to look down her nose at me.

Anyone would think I had just admitted to taking a dump on one of the Lamaze mats, or I had made some awkward, social faux pas. These people were actually pregnant, Step ford wives. I pitied the poor bitches. They didn't have their sexy, ex-teacher to keep them warm at night. Truly, it was a tragedy for them.

That thought kept me from snapping this Tiffany right there—she stared pointedly at me before beginning the session.

I cast an incredulous glance over my shoulder at Edward who had clamped his lips shut to keep from laughing.

I sighed, relaxing my shoulders before elbowing him again then acting nonchalant, like nothing had happened. He rubbed my belly and rested his chin on my shoulder. I sort of zoned out on this broad, she was boring and nothing she was going to say was of any real relevance to me anyway.

Not if it included natural birth with no painkillers. Sure, I was happy for the women that had to do it, but not the women who do it then admonish other women for being weak for not doing the same. That just really pissed me off. "—and make sure to let your birth partner know how you are feeling." She went on in a soft, supposedly calming voice. I just found it annoying and nasally. I felt like I was in a proper class room and was mouthing off about the new substitute teacher.

Given what I had done to my teacher in the past, I gladly banished that thought from my mind. "—must know that you are not alone. Even if you don't have your partner here today or in any other session, we all have each other." She assured us with a sickly sweet smile. I resisted the urge to make a gagging motion with my finger. She sat down in the middle of the circle and crossed her legs, closing her eyes and resting her forearms against her knees.

"Deep breath in," everyone followed suit as I watched on quizzically.

"And deep breath out." Everyone exhaled but kept their eyes closed. I took the time to survey the room I was in. The floor was polished hard wood, and we were in an old, city loft apartment, turned pre-natal centre. The windows were fogged up from the interior heating, it was pretty cold outside for spring. It felt like winter. The walls were plain, un-rendered, red brick. There were book cases and coffee tables pushed off to the side, corners filled with foam mattresses and exercise balls. I turned my attention back to the pregnant winch in the centre of the circle. She had been talking and I didn't even realise.

"Remember that these classes are preparing you all for the experience of labour. We are practicing techniques in order to help you when the time comes." She smiled a cheesy grin. I rolled my eyes, nobody was watching. I reached out and grasped Edward's long fingers with mine and held them against my stomach, leaning back against his chest and following along with everyone else.

"This training method, of conditioning your response to the pain of child birth, is called psychoprophylaxis." I bit my lip to keep from laughing. I wonder how much Lamaze classes helped when it came to the actual fact of pushing out a tiny human from your vag. I'm guessing that most of these women won't even remember their name, only what an epidural is, who got them pregnant in the first place and how they were going to make them pay.

Of course, I had never been through it before, but I mean, come on.

Be serious and rational. Your body will be in trauma, you'll be freaking out and in intense pain—who would give a flying fuck about breathing exercises? I sighed again, instead of verbally beating the Lamaze profession, I decided to drift off into a tangent, thinking over what I was going to do tomorrow.

Groceries? Check. Edward? Giggle. Check.

I couldn't help the goofy grin that spread across my face at the thought of banging him silly again, just like last night. Surprisingly, he still found me attractive, even though I was like, the size of a tiny country. But who am I to complain? If he still wants to bump uglies, and I _mean_, uglies, with me? Than wow, I am _so_ not complaining. Thankfully, the morning sickness had subsided almost fully and I was back to not puking my guts up every single day. I thanked the lord for the break my toothbrush was getting. Eating habits were still the same as they were three weeks ago.

I was still hungrier than a hippo all the time, non-stop. I usually had some sort of energy bar, pack of nuts or subway foot long in my purse at all times. And, of course, Edward was just the wonderful, superhuman fiancée he always is. Running me baths, keeping me happy with food and lovin'. I was living the high life. We had also looked into enrolling me in college, which I was happily accepting. Edward was on spring break for the moment, he had begun work half-way, or towards the end of the first semester, filling the place of a retired English professor.

Ugh—what is wrong with me? Whenever I gave him that title, it made my lady parts go all tingly.

Anyway, back to the point. College! Yes, well, we had discussed it and Edward thought that I should start the next semester after spring break. I wouldn't take that many classes, only enough to keep me occupied and get me started. I still wasn't sure what degree I wanted to do.

So, I was basically doing introductory stuff. Which was fine with me, as long as I had a constructive outlet, sitting at home every day was making me stir crazy. And some part of me wanted to see Edward back in action. I quivered deep in my bones when I thought of him in the classroom. Edward noticed this time, rubbing his hands up and down my arms to create heat with the friction. "Are you cold?" he asked. I chuckled and shook my head, although I was wearing a singlet top and some track pants. I watched distantly as the obnoxious Tiffany continued with her lecture. Since this was my first class, I was mostly observing. Besides, this was the first class of the season and everyone just wanted to observe and watch. Luckily, I wouldn't be coming back to this torture. This was a one-time only thing.

From this point on, I was going to burn all the newspapers and magazines after I read them, scared that I would find an interesting ad about tattoo art or guitar lessons in one of them as well. With that in mind, Edward and I left the room quietly after it finished—not wanting to be cornered and questioned by the other parents or Tiffany, the ho-whore leader, herself. We barely escaped with our asses intact, hastily making our way to the car.

Edward deposited my bag in the backseat before opening my door for me and closing it after I hopped in. He walked to his side and slid in, revving the engine—which was always hot—and peeling out of the street-side car park. I felt comforted, being out of that room with all the expectant mothers. I knew, I was one too, but those woman were _scary!_ "Did you have fun?" Edward asked, smiling crookedly and eyeing me side-ways.

I laughed and didn't answer. "Not so great, huh?" I shook my head, rolling my eyes. He nodded in understanding. "Remind me never to let you talk me into one of those things again," he commented. "Absolutely." I agreed vehemently. "I thought _I_ was intimidating." I noted with incredulity, staring past the window and onto the brightly lit street. "Bella, honey. You _are_ intimidating." Edward chuckled, reaching over to brush his fingers against my cheek.

"You're much more beautiful than any of those women in there and they're afraid of you knowing that." I snorted. But, how sweet, anyway. I rolled my eyes at him and he chuckled again. The light outside was dimming slightly and I knew we were in for rain. Edward hovered by my door and offered me his hand as I stepped out of the car. He shielded me from the rapidly growing heavy pelts of water until we got to the cafe where we were having lunch.

He had a coffee, black, while I had herbal tea. Blech.

~~~___~~~

We got home around two in the afternoon. I was satisfied, food wise. But my libido was going through the roof and I think Edward sensed it too. Because the moment we set foot inside our apartment, we all over each other like mating rabbits. He groaned. "How come I want you even more today than I did yesterday?" he asked breathlessly, tugging on my top that had gone partially see-through from the rain.

He demanded that I wear his jacket in the cafe, not wanting the waiters eye-balling my chest, or what he referred to them as his 'fun bags'.

Wow, flattering, right? To have your breasts called bags. Whatever. I did as he wanted, satisfying him momentarily until the male waiter asked for our orders. Now, it wasn't my fault that my boobs were engorged to the size of water balloons, compared to what they used to be. Nor was it the waiter's fault.

So, he couldn't help but sneak a couple of glances at my chest. No big deal, right? Wrong. Edward got all possessive and protective and jealous—not to say that that isn't deliciously hot—on my ass, pulling my chair, with me still in it, closer to his. He made it a show to nuzzle into my neck and place kisses there, brushing my hair back before kissing me on the lips. I couldn't care if the boy was eighteen and curious of the female species.

Edward, however, hated it. He kept caressing my belly as if he was communicating to the kid that I was in fact, pregnant and taken, as well as unavailable to look at apparently. But the possessive edge he took on, only made him more aroused for me. Can a girl get any more lucky? I would have kissed that kid for making him like this. Except, well, that would have defeated the purpose of making Edward horny.

That would have only made him pissed and probably end up facing homicide charges.

On the way home, he kept uttering sweet words to me then heated comments. It started with. "I love you. You're so beautiful." Then it went to groaning impatiently at the midday traffic while he cursed obscenities and said things like, "I need you now. I can't fucking wait to feel you, Bella."

Every single word, I ate up, making me all moist and excited for what was in store at home, and boy did the man deliver.

Edward gently thrust me up against the wall, stripping my Lamaze tights off along with my panties.

I helped him out of his shirt and jeans, stripping him of any obstructions that might shield any part of his body from my touch.

He continued laying kisses over my chest, over the peaks of my breasts and down to my belly. He cupped my breasts in his hands, massaging gently while tugging on my bottom lip with his teeth. I moaned and panted loudly as I felt the moisture growing to a point of uncomfortableness. "Oh, Edward. Now!" I commanded. He lifted me into his arms and carried me to the bedroom. He wasn't quick enough! He gently lay me down on the thick comforter.

I pulled his face to mine, knotting my fingers through his tousled hair and licking up his stubbled jaw line. I just about came right then and there. We were panting and groaning with each touch and caress. Edward's skilled, piano fingers—oh yes, ladies—slowly brushed against my inner thigh, making small circles.

I whimpered and pushed my hips toward his erection. He panted and tried to hold back from doing what I wanted right there. His fingers hovered at my entrance, gathering some of the wetness there and rubbing it against my swollen nub. I gasped. "Oh yes! Edward, there!" I moaned helplessly. He allowed me two fingers, sliding in and out with achingly slow succession. I felt like I was undergoing some ancient Chinese torture.

"More, Edward! Please! I need to feel you!" I begged. He ducked his head, nudging my sensitive clit with his tongue. I moaned incomprehensibly. Then, he couldn't hold back anymore. He surrendered to my pleas, unable to keep himself at bay.

I watched his face and he watched mine as I felt him enter me with gentle movements which gradually sped up to an orgasmic pace. There really was nothing like Edward Cullen being inside of you. I gripped his shoulders tightly, my legs hitched around his thighs as he rode me to the edge of the earth. I whimpered loudly, crying out his name until I neared my destination.

"Ah, fuck, Bella! Mmm...You feel so good." He panted, pulling in and out of me. I nodded in agreement, he felt so good, too. He tugged at my hair, nuzzling his face into my neck and licking the skin there. His hips thrust against mine and before I knew it, my walls were clenching tightly around him. He let out a strangled moan. I screamed his name, again. Just like last time, and the time before that, and the time before that...and so on. "Oh, fuck! Edward!" I screamed, convulsing.

He wasn't done yet. He picked up my limp body, keeping us connected. We switched positions, he lay down on his back and I straddled his hips. I started moving back and forth quicker. He grunted, his hands gripping my hips, travelling around my thighs until he found my clit again, rubbing it harder than before.

I swore loudly and obscenely. I wondered what the neighbours thought. Probably that a couple with tourrettes lived here. Constantly cursing and making weird noises and banging into the walls. If I didn't know any better... For the second time, my orgasm rolled around, more intense than the first one. My scream came out strangled and unintelligible. I was mostly just screaming with pleasure. "Yes! Yes! Oh, fuck, yes!" I whispered, out of breath. Edward groaned, gritting his teeth before releasing himself inside me.

"Ahh, fuuuck!" he panted, collapsing limply against the pillows.

I chuckled weakly before slowly climbing off him, hissing at the feeling it gave me before snuggling closer to his chest.

~~~___~~~

I awoke that night to the god damned phone ringing. I groaned loudly, clutching the sheets with frustration. I was having an a-maz-ing sleep after my orgasmic round with Edward before bed. "What the fucking hell?" I objected, throwing the comforter off and exposing my naked self. I blinked, I forgot to put pyjamas on. Huh. Oh, well. I leaned over to the nightstand and picked the receiver up. "If this is one of your work mates, I am so going to kill you." I muttered. He grunted out a reply.

"Hello?" I answered, trying to clear my throat so it didn't sound thick or gravelly from sleep. There was silence in the back ground.

I sighed, and rubbed my eyes with my left hand. "Is anyone there?" I asked, annoyed. I could hear a panting noise, slow and controlled. It sounded like someone was hissing through their teeth. "Listen, you perve. Go get a fucking life." I hissed, hanging up. Edward rolled over immediately. His arms wrapped around my waist.

I could feel his lips against my bare back. "Who was it?" he asked. I rolled my eyes.

"I don't know, Edward. They wouldn't talk, they just...panted into the receiver." I shuddered. Just some kind of creep with a phonebook that randomly chose our number. I randomly thought back to that night, three weeks ago. I had gotten a call much the same as this one.

I mulled it over for the moment but decided to ignore it. "Let me answer it next time." He said in a concerned tone, grabbing the phone and putting it on his nightstand.

I nodded. Fine by me. "Okay," I sighed, lying back down again and resting my head against Edward's chest. "Love you." He murmured into my hair. I smiled against his skin.

"Love you, too." I mumbled back. He played with my hair until I fell asleep.

~~~___~~~

The next day I thought I might go ahead and survey Edward at work. I was bored and tired of being cooped up at home alone so I went with him to work. I decided to tell everyone that this was a learning experience and that I was just scouting the campus in case I wanted to go here. The real reason is because I wanted to see Edward teaching again—the thought made me incredibly hot—and because I wanted to make sure there was no-one pretty in his classes.

Call me possessive too, but nobody gets my professor. I followed Edward to his first lecture, Victorian Literature.

Stuff like Shakespeare and classic writings—what central messages and themes they convey, all that shit.

I sat in the front, closest to the door, trying to remain incognito while Edward worked the room into a sort of hypnotic state with all his knowledge. I was astounded at how everyone listened to him so intently. I frowned, trying to comprehend. That's when I began to listen.

And I had to be honest, Edward was good at many things. The things at the top of the list in no order would be, piano, sex, piano-sex, and lecturing on classical literature. I was mesmerised, as were all of the other students. I sat there, pretending to take notes like everyone else in the crowded theatre as I stared, wide-eyed with a huge grin on my mouth. I saw Edward's eyes flicker up to me occasionally. I smiled on in encouragement.

Once, I tried to tease him by chewing on my pen and biting my lip. Even from where I could see, he gulped loudly then retreated to the desk at the front of the room, pretending to retrieve more papers and notes.

I knew he was only trying to hide his 'man' from the rest of his pupils. I held back laughter. After that, we had lunch together in the brassiere. Everything was called some fancy French name in college. I wonder if they called the library something different. I gazed across the vast campus, taking in the beautiful architecture and gardens. I could definitely see myself coming here. Edward just watched me happily, glad that I wasn't a raging hormonal mess today.

I was myself, cheerful, playful and euphoric. Although, I did feel myself growing a little emotional, but I held that back and decided to cry when we got home. Edward decided to take me on a tour of the grounds. I held his hand as we strolled under the trees along the pathways, through the buildings.

The grass courtyards were dotted with green painted picnic benches, teenagers and adults alike, lounging across them with text books and papers sprawled over the surfaces. The atmosphere here was electric and I couldn't wait to be involved in it. "Mr. Cullen! Mr. Cullen!" Someone called out from behind us.

We turned around to find a flustered looking boy, around my age or younger, racing after us.

He had a stack of books under one arm and a paper in the other. Looks like one of the kids from Edward's classes.

I let him stop and chat with the boy who had a question about the next assignment or something. "I'll just be walking around." I informed Edward with a smile.

He returned it, kissing me on the cheek before attending to the boy who looked like his head was about to explode from stress. I chuckled and strolled off to a more secluded part of the campus. It was practically deserted. I was standing in a throng of trees, in between the back of one building and the fence line which held a thick expanse of more trees beyond that. It was pretty isolated and I couldn't see or hear anyone nearby. I smiled and deduced that this would be my lunch spot when I came here.

I smiled happily to myself when I heard a rustle in the shrubs to my left. I couldn't have been more than few dozen yards from where I had left Edward before. Maybe it was him trying to scare me? I deep, dreading feeling settled into my stomach once I knew that it was not the case. I turned around but not before a rough, firm hand grabbed my ankle and pulled me to the ground. My hands flew out, breaking my fall. I screamed. They were dragging me towards the bushes, out of sight, out of hearing range.

I screamed louder, piercing through the silence.

**:O Oh my gawd. You know what I HATE? Authors who leave cliff hangers and then don't update straight after. Fucking bitches. LOL.**

**LOVE YOU GUYS AND YOUR REVIEWS!**

**Sorry this chapter took so long. Looks like Bells and Teacherward are in for some serious trouble this time around.**

**Stay tuned, my lovely munchkins ;)**

**-birobird**


	3. Anonymous

EPOV

"Are you sure, that that's all I can help you with, Marcus?" I asked the young man standing before me.

He gripped his text books and reached for his paper, taking it back and smiling gratefully at me.

"Yes! Thank you, Mr. Cullen!" He breathed, relieved.

It was simple grammatical things he was having problems with—he didn't know if one of the periods on the task sheet was supposed to be a comma or not. He was a very stressed student, I often worried he might develop a stomach ulcer or something. He might even go bald before he was my age. That thought made me feel really sorry for him.

"Listen, Marcus," I said, halting him before he could walk past me. His eyebrows lifted, waiting.

"If you're having trouble...with anything, handling work, whatever, you just let me know—" A piercing scream rocked through the grounds.

My head snapped up, forgetting my uttered words, focussing on what the hell was going on. I racked my brain before it could go into a frenzy of overreactions. I glanced back to Marcus, he had a severe frown on his face so I knew I hadn't imagined it.

I started walking...another scream, louder and more desperate, shattered the silence of the courtyard. That's when I began to run. I needed to make sure Bella was okay. She had gone for a walk by herself. The irrational fear of anything happening to Bella in the safest of places was overriding every other thought I had. Finding her safe, around the corner, wondering too what the noise was, would make me so relieved. But it could not be farther from the truth.

I hastily tried to remember which way she had gone when she wandered off.

Adrenaline seared like molten metal through my veins as I tried desperately to find her. People around me were glancing around in concern and confusion. They began standing up from their tables, looking around at each other, some moving to investigate the source of the screaming. What if a student had injured themselves? I shoved my hand in my pocket as I jogged toward the edges of the outer buildings, the one that ebbed on the fence line.

More screaming—it was a continuous shriek, as if they were trying to alert everyone.

I found my chest constricting painfully—I had never had to deal with such an emergency before. I retrieved my cell phone from my jeans. I went over what to say in the event that someone had injured themselves. Maybe they had fallen and broken an arm or wrist. Or someone with an allergy had been stung by a bee...? As I rounded the medical lecturer staff building, my fears were confirmed.

"Hey!" I called out, unable to see anyone.

I squinted off into the distance. A movement caught my eye, my eyes bulged. My legs moved without any volition from my brain. It was a natural reaction.

"Bella!" I yelled, my stomach dropping.

What if she was fucking hurt? She appeared on the ground, crawling away from the shrubs around her. I was panting, dropping to my knees beside her as she pulled her feet from the throng of branches.

"Bella," I breathed, grasping her shoulders.

I surveyed her body, frantically. Her stomach, her face, her limbs. All seemed to be intact. She had her mouth hanging open, her eyes wide and glassy. I pulled her into a half-sitting position on my knee. I grasped her face with my hands, she stared at the bush.

"Bella!" I hissed. "Bella, what the hell happened?" I demanded, my voice shaking.

She shook her head, her arms unconsciously circling her belly. I covered her hands with one of my own, worriedly.

"Are you hurt?" I pressed anxiously, scanning over her again.

Students began running toward us in groups. I glanced up at them, but turned my attention back to Bella.

"I-I'm...fine..."she murmured.

I sighed out in relief, pulling her face to my chest and stroking her hair.

"Tell me what happened!" I said, stressing the fact that I was falling apart with not knowing.

"Something grabbed me...my ankle," she explained.

I gnashed my teeth together and breathed hard through my clenched teeth.

"But...they let go..." she continued. She finally looked up into my eyes, her entire frame shaking.

"Are you okay, though?" I asked.

What a stupid question. Of course she wasn't. But I shouldn't underestimate her strength—she had been through worse. However, with a baby involved, that amplified things. In my mind, whoever or whatever could have harmed her or our child will not taint the air we breathe in much longer if I have any say in it.

BPOV

I had no idea, what the hell happened. I felt someone grab hold of my ankle—then nothing.

They let go the moment they heard Edward yell my name. Were they afraid they'd get caught? I was still breathing out all the shock from the situation. A crowd of students had pooled around us, trying to understand all the commotion. I had just been scared for my baby—if something had happened... I shuddered, Edward reflexively pulled my body tighter to his. He held on to me while I sat on the ground for a few more moments. He then began to move, placing his arm behind my back, and the other under my knees. I didn't realise what he was doing until I was in his arms, five feet from the ground.

The bottom hem of my sundress was smeared in dirt—it really did look worse than it actually was. Edward was frantic, his eyes dark and crazy—scoping everywhere around us, as if he would know who it was that grabbed me. I felt his protective side coming in, full force. I tucked my face into the crook of his neck and inhaled—there was nothing that calmed or placated me more than his scent. It was home—my home.

"Oh, my goodness! Is she alright?" a bubbly girl asked—she had to be my age.

She was average height with long blonde hair, that came down to her waist—brown eyes and a concerned expression.

"Heidi," Edward said gruffly. I'm guessing he wasn't in the mood for talking.

"Go alert the dean, and the campus security. Make sure no female wanders around by themselves between classes. Alright?" he ordered.

She nodded, shared a worried smile with me and took off in the other direction. More people surrounded us, asking what happened. Edward had to explain over and over again—without knowing the full story, really. I was just...in shock...about it. For the few seconds that it had happened, I was terrified that my baby would be hurt, or that I would be. But it was all fine—I guess I was just, still getting a grip on that fact. Without stopping to explain again, Edward practically ran me to the nurse's office. I was about to protest when he shushed me. I frowned. He shushed me?

"Bella, if you don't do this for me, you aren't going to make me very happy. I just want to make sure, you're okay." He said sharply.

I nodded mutely. I guess I owed him a slice of sanity to go with—if that made him happy. He walked in the door.

"Mel?" he called out.

I looked around at the pretty modern-looking waiting room. It was a small square, chairs lined up against the walls with coffee tables and magazines. The walls were a fake, grain wood. The reception desk was of a dark wood, too, only a lot more expensive and real. A small woman appeared at the end of a corridor to our left. Edward quickly followed her with me in his arms. We came into a smaller room, an examination room, equipped with blinding fluorescent lights, a bed with crinkly paper covering it, a desk and a stool, and a cupboard which more than likely housed more equipment. Edward gently placed me on the bed. I did as I was told.

"What happened?" the woman asked softly, to Edward.

Edward sighed and rubbed his hands over his face frustratingly.

"You work, and I'll talk," he negotiated.

She nodded as she secured a blood pressure band around my arm. I closed my eyes.

"She was attacked." He stated—only I could detect the anger surging beneath his words.

"She went to wander through the grounds. She was behind the medical staff building when I heard screams. I was talking to a student at the time," he told her.

The woman—who had to be closer to thirty, was short and tan with crow black hair. She was very pretty, with warm, ochre coloured eyes.

"I started running, worried that a student had injured themselves." He spluttered out in a rush as 'Mel', worked on me, running her hands over my belly and up my neck to my jaw.

"_Then_," he said in a hard voice. "I saw her crawling out from the bushes behind the building—covered in dirt."

My face contorted into a grimace as I realised just how worried Edward was.

"But," I interjected while Edward gave me a penetrating look. "They let go—it was probably just someone playing a prank, I'm fi—"

"_Don't_, Bella," Edward warned.

I closed my mouth.

"Do not say that you are fine." He sat down on the plastic chair by the cot, his eyes still darkened and brooding—his hands clenched.

I worried he might do something rash under this kind of stress. He was so worried—it was just a minor incident, one that had scared me, sure, but it was nothing in comparison to past events.

"Your blood pressure is a little elevated, but that's normal for pregnancy," Mel informed me. "I can't see anything wrong with you. Did you fall?" she questioned.

"Well, not really. I landed on my hands and knees. I don't hurt anywhere." I assured her.

She nodded and smiled apologetically. She glanced toward Edward, he glanced back at her.

"Thank you." He mumbled, standing up.

"You're welcome, both of you." She smiled.

Edward wanted to carry me to the car, but I insisted that I was fine to walk, I wasn't paralysed.

"Fine." He huffed out angrily.

I sighed and followed him out into the reception area.

"Oh!" Mel called from the hall. "Make sure you talk to campus security about this—they will contact the police if this was a serious attack." She said. "They'll want to ask questions." She finished.

I bit my lip and nodded in thanks. Edward nodded once, dismissive. He stood in front of me, speaking quietly to the woman that appeared at the desk for a moment before grabbing my hand and towing me outside. He tightly entwined his fingers with mine. I chanced a peek up at his face. His jaw was tight, his nostrils flared and his eyes still burning darkly.

"Mr. Cullen. Mrs. Cullen." A tall man greeted us.

I shook my head. "Miss Swan." I corrected.

Edward's head snapped toward me, before he dropped my hand. I felt the urge to roll my eyes—we weren't even married yet, and he got offended that I corrected the guy. The guard nodded.

"Sorry, Miss. Swan. We heard that you were attacked." He said, raising his eyebrows and poking a biro to a notepad in front of him. "Can you tell me what happened?"

I sighed before delving into as much detail as I could.

"Did you see what they looked like?" he asked methodically.

I shook my head.

"I didn't see anything." I murmured, wanting to forget it.

This was getting old—I didn't doubt that it was all a misunderstanding. With a resigned sigh, I said goodbye to the officer, who smiled warmly and squeezed my hand before leaving. Edward grasped my hand again, pulling me closer to his side without another word as he walked me briskly to the parking lot.

"We don't have to go home," I muttered.

Edward pulled us to a complete halt just at the hood of the car. He dropped my arm as if it was made out of acid. I gulped down a lump in my throat—Edward was rarely short with me. Why the hell was he taking his anger out on me for? I didn't do anything to merit this treatment, but that didn't make it hurt any less. I felt my emotions, bottled up from before, beging to burst to the surface. I tried to contain it as he spoke.

"'We don't have to go _home'_?" he repeated incredulously.

I nodded and shrugged indifferently. He laughed hysterically before leaning down to meet my eyes. He tightly grasped my shoulders, sheathed in my grey sweater.

"Are you insane, Bella?" he asked.

I wondered if it was a rhetorical question.

"Edward," I began, but stopped, afraid I might start bawling.

"You were just..._attacked!_" his voice rose with each word, shocked that I wasn't understanding. "Do you not get how you could have been hurt? Or the baby?" he demanded, his brow furrowed and his eyes wide.

The wall broke and my tears welled, running down my cheeks in unrelenting streams of despair. Edward's anger faltered for a moment before dissipating completely—towards me, anyway. He sighed long and heavy before grabbing my shoulders again and pulling me to his chest. My quivering limbs were calmed by his touch—he ran his arms around my waist, smoothing my hair down my back. He nuzzled his face into my hair at my neck—he had to lean down quite far.

"I'm so fucking sorry," he mumbled into my skin before kissing me there.

My hands grasped at his shirt, my arms wrapping around his back.

"I didn't...I'm not...Bella," he struggled with an explanation. "I'm not mad at you, sweet heart." He assured me. "But sometimes...you have such little care for yourself. It scares the hell out of me." He hissed into my ear.

I squeezed him tighter, burying my face in his chest. He got his keys out then, from his jacket, unlocked the car and pulled me around to the passenger side. He sat me down on the seat, with my legs hanging out of the door. He kneeled on the blacktop—grasping my hands tightly in his own. I sniffled before finally meeting his gaze.

"Do you forgive me?" he asked, anxious.

I rolled my eyes.

"You never needed to be forgiven." I told him.

He half-smiled at me, relieved, moving towards my face to catch the falling tears. He rubbed his thumb under my eyes before pulling my face to his. He gently pressed his lips to mine, I sighed out in response, glad that he wasn't angry with me anymore. He pulled back.

"I'm going to assume everyone heard about this, so we won't be having a repeat. I told the girls back at the medical centre that I would be going home with you, so I won't get in trouble." He winked.

I smiled.

"You didn't have to do that," I reasoned.

He cocked an eyebrow at me, daring me to start it again. I bit my lip and nodded.

"But, I'm glad you did." I added.

He smiled then and held my hand over the centre console as we rode home.

~~~___~~~

"I just...don't see how you could do that." I said, dismay clear in my tone.

"Bella, it's no big deal. He had it coming anyway. The bastard was a vicious piece of crap." I let my mouth hang wide open as I stared at Edward.

"But why?!" Edward sighed, swallowing the rest of his pasta.

"He didn't deserve to live." He deduced.

I sighed in resignation—there was no swaying him of his true feelings. I watched with terror as the creatures moved across the T.V screen.

"You can think whatever you want to think, Edward. But, that guy shouldn't have been killed. He was, like, the most awesome character!" I inferred.

Edward rolled his eyes.

"You're only saying that because you thought he was hot." He said bitterly.

I laughed, unable to help myself after seeing the clear distaste on his face and hearing it in his tone. Was he jealous of a sitcom character?

"Oh, Edward." I sighed. "When will you learn? Of course, he is. You can't fake biceps like that."

Edward scoffed.

"Yes! You can!" he vindicated. "With make up these days, and...computerisation and all that shit. You could so fake those muscles. Look! He's as weedy as a ten year old girl when you turn him on the right angle." He said, pointing at the screen and my on-screen crush.

I slapped his arm defensively.

"Shut up! You're just jealous!" I shrieked.

He glared. I smiled, sweetly, fluttering my eyelashes.

"Oh, how I do love him. He's just..._so_ gorgeous! I-I-I can't...get over his...his beauty!" I said, feigning a swoon.

Seriously, though? He had nothing on Edward. Edward leaned over to my side of the sofa, the only light in the room came from the television. It lit up his face with a bluish glow. He growled playfully, his hands shooting out to my sides. He tickled me. I giggled and begged him to stop.

"Ple---ease, Ed-wa-rd!" I demanded breathlessly.

He chuckled and finally let me go, kissing instead of tickling. He moved his lips up my neck to my jaw, brushing his hand across my breast bone to flick my hair behind my shoulder. I shuddered as his skin came into contact with mine. I thought over what had happened the week previous—with the whole 'attack' thing. Edward would hardly leave me alone—not that I cared he was with me all the time, but he was excessively protective. It had seemed to waning though, the past two days, after he realised that maybe it was a one-off-meant-to-be-prank incidents. I let my hands slide up his sculpted arms—much better than on T.V, they were here in my living room, talk about convenience.

"Fuck," I whispered as his hand slid over the bump that was my belly, down to my shorts.

His fingers hooked into the material, moving it so he could wriggle through. He found the waist band of my panties, getting under them too as he continued to kiss me. His tongue slid in and out of my mouth. I groaned, breathing heavy at his touch—I would never get used to it. I gasped, making weird cat-like purring as his fingers slid along my moist slit. I bit my lip, staring into his lust-filled eyes. He watched my face as he moved his fingers inside me. I let my mouth fall open, my head fell back against the arm of the sofa. I bucked my hips into his hand as he drove deeper. He groaned.

"You're so fucking wet for me again." He whispered, using the advantage of his free hand to pull my t-shirt over my head.

I helped him, revealing my bare breasts for him to see.

"Mmm..." I hummed, my fingers curling into fists, cutting into my palms.

He was panting, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips as he stared at my chest.

"Have I told you that you're beautiful?" he said in awe, leaning down to take one of my nipples in his mouth.

Before I could tell him he was a sap, he curled his fingers inside of me, pressing on one of my most sensitive spots. I wailed, my hands scratching at his back.

"Holy, fuck, Edward!" I whimpered. "Right there!"

He licked and teased my nipple before moving onto the next one, carefully positioning himself over me on the couch. His thumb grazed up and down me, slowly circling my entrance before giving me what I wanted, gently rubbing my clit. I moaned into his hair. He let out an exasperated breath.

"I can't do this anymore," he groaned, defeated. "I need to be inside you."

My eyes lit up in anticipation. He grinned, sitting up to discard his shirt. I just about came when my eyes scanned over his perfection. He had a two-day old stubble that always felt fucking awesome between my legs, his chest was muscular and lean. I looked down at my chest and was...well, kind of embarrassed. I couldn't really see my lady parts, because of the bump. He smiled crookedly at me, knowing what I must be thinking. He quickly stood up to pull his pants down, sitting back down on the couch before reclaiming me, pulling my shorts and panties down too. This time, he was leaning back, letting me straddle his lap. My entrance hovered precariously over his erected tip. I bit my lip, breathing hard as he begged me with his eyes to just do it. I let it nudge my wet folds, he groaned, his hands moving to my hips. I was kneeling on either side of his thighs as he waited impatiently to enter me. With an incomprehensible growl that left me too hungry to wait, I lowered myself onto his erection. His eyes widened and he visibly shuddered at my sudden heat. He moaned as he began to slowly move my hips against him. My breathing became shallow and fast as I neared the edge.

"Ahh!" I moaned.

"Fuck, yes," Edward growled.

I shuddered, my body rippling with pleasure. The prior foreplay had left me so close to finishing, that I came in a matter of seconds. I shuddered, gripping Edward's arm and the back of the couch as I wailed.

"Oh, Jesus, Edward!" I howled.

His hands still gripped my hips tightly, moving me faster against his member. I whimpered at the on-going pleasure wave.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I hissed.

Edward grunted.

"God, Bella. You're so fucking wet and tight. So wet for me." He growled. "God, I fucking love you."

I panted; a sheen of sweat covered my shoulders and neck. My face was flushed, feeling heated.

"I love you too." I responded.

Edward's head fell back against the couch, he gritted his teeth, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. His hands convulsed, tightening before releasing my skin. He quivered before I felt him empty himself, exploding inside me. I breathed slower, trying to catch my breath. Edward sat up slightly, pulling me closer to his body. He gathered me up, lifting me effortlessly off of his lap. He lay me down over his body, my head resting under his chin. I sighed and smiled. He reached down to the floor, grabbing the thick, woollen afghan and draping it over our naked bodies. I snuggled closer as his arms wrapped around me.

"Are you going to wear a white dress when we get married?" Edward asked innocently.

I slapped his chest.

"Of course I am!" I retorted.

He chuckled, the sound vibrated under my ear against his chest. His hand began making the usual combing through my hair.

"Well, I was just wondering—seeing as...well, I've made love to you more times than I can count. And, we'll have a baby by then." He explained quietly.

"I know that, genius. But, I would like to keep up with the fantasy that I am still, in fact, a virgin." I told him.

He chuckled again and I considered giving him a 'purple-nurple'. That wasn't childish, was it?

"You are far from a virgin, as far as _I'm_ concerned." He murmured. "Well, duh. You're the only person I've done it with." I replied.

"I know," he said smugly.

I rolled my eyes before lifting my head to look at him.

"You like that fact, don't you?" I said it more like a statement than a question.

He nodded, grinning before becoming serious.

"I'm glad that I was the one you gave it to," he told me, staring straight into my eyes. "You have no idea, how happy it makes me to know, I'm the only one who has given you this," he motioned to the sofa.

I cocked an eyebrow.

"Couch sex?" He rolled his eyes and I laughed. "I know what you mean." I sighed.

"To know that you have only ever chosen me to be with." He explained further.

I frowned then.

"But...what about you...and the women you've slept with?" I questioned.

He grimaced but his face resolved into a small smile.

"Because...I didn't know you existed yet. And the thing with Tanya—that was because I _couldn't_ be with you. I regret it every day."

I nodded, satisfied, somewhat.

"Good." He chuckled again.

"Hey, out of curiosity, do you know where she lives now?" Edward shook his head and grinned.

"Well, lot of use you are." I muttered.

I had been wanting to light a bag of dog poop on her doorstep for a while now. Bitch. He laughed again as I lowered my head to his chest again. He let his fingers run over the knuckles on my left hand, kissing my hair every now and then. I was half to sleep when a loud banging woke me. I started, my heart jumped and I gasped, jolting up from Edward. He looked just as shocked as me, rubbing at his eyes—he must have already been asleep. He looked at me, realised I was still naked and grimaced. I groaned, standing up off of the sofa and taking the blanket with me.

"Hey!" Edward protested.

I grabbed a cushion from the arm chair and chucked it to him with a tired, yet smug smile. I shuffled out to the hallway then the front door. I glanced out the peep hole—there was nobody there. I slowly unlocked the door, pulling the hatch and opening it. I stared down the brightly lit hallway, annoyed. Fucking kids must have done it. I stepped out into the hallway, my foot nudging something. I glanced down and picked it up. A box of chocolates and bouquet of roses. I frowned, closing the door behind me, trying to keep the blanket around my shoulders. I tucked the box under my arm and held the roses with one hand. I strolled into the living room but it was empty. I walked into the bedroom where Edward lounged—the light was turned on. I was staring at what I had in my hands when he spoke.

"Alright, who do I need to beat up?" he demanded.

I knew he wasn't joking. I opened the greeting card.

"Um..." My face scrunched up in confusion.

Edward stood up and walked over to me.

"I think, _I_ need to know who to beat up, not you." I said, perplexed and to be honest, a little peeved.

Edward frowned at me before taking the card.

_" 'Forever and always, you'll be mine. Love you, Edward.' _" He read, before looking worriedly up at me.

"What. The. Fuck." We both chimed.

**Teehee! I liked this chapter--it's a pretty fuckin' long one too *grin*.**

**I've been working on this one for a couple of days, which is long for me. LOL.**

**But you guys keep me motivated with your awesome feedback. I should get back to Blood Moon, shouldn't I?**

**I bet your worried I've abandoned it.**

**Well, to settle your worried little hearts, I haven't. **

**I couldn't do that! So, rejoice and enjoy this chapter while I get down and hammer an update for Blood Moon out of my overheated brain.**

**OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!**

**I totally forgot to mention!**

**NEW MOON! Its so freaking close now!**

**I'm like, majorly jizzing every day it gets closer! I have my tickets for the midnight screening which is happening tomorrow night-well, thursday morning. But it is so totally awesome--and now I'm hyperventilating!**

**I can't wait! One more sleep!!**

**Not to self: Buy redbull--don't want to fall asleep before Edward's abs. (I'd die)**


	4. Vertigo

**Hello, my lovely, loyal, lucious concubines. Too much alliteration? Eh. Anywho, I wanted to recap on my last chapter of IA:SI, the letter that Edward and Bella got, well, it was sent TO Edward, from a secret admirer. My stupid brain didn't comprehend at first, how some people may have misconstrued it as being for Bella, from Edward. Well, it wasn't soo...im glad that's all out of the way.**

**Going on.**

**Um, this chapter is mostly fluff--nothing too dramatic. It's fun, supposedly funny, and sexy. Two lemons, my awesome readers. I hope you like them--so juicy and lemony.**

**I may need to start up a lemonade stall--this is ridiculous.**

**Oh, and wouldn't it be lovely if I got, say...thirty or more reviews for this chappie? I know--blackmail works wonders, right? It worked on Blood Moon. I asked for firty or I'd withhold the next chappie, and they gave me fifty--who knew? Haha.**

**Oh, and rejoicing this week for Team Edward or anti-Taylor Lautner fans. Rumours are spreading that the 17 y.o is infact batting for the other team. My opinion? It's ludicrous, obviously, I mean, with a bod like that? Though I suppose, therein lies the irony. Hot guy--has to be gay? Not always, but anyway. What I'm happy about is that it may knock the Team Jacob fanatics down a peg--that'll teach em for turning to the dark side (as opposed to Edward). It may screw with their minds a little--they wouldn't want to root for the smexy teen if he's going wayward **wiggles eyebrows** But anyways, on with my story!**

**I don't own Twilight. Just Teacherward *licks lips***

* * *

"Um, what the fuck is this?" I questioned, narrowing my eyes at Edward.

His eyes were wide and uncomprehending. Innocent.

"I have no fucking idea." He assured me.

I batted the stiff cardboard of the letter on my hand, pacing the length of the bedroom. Edward watched me from the corner of the bed, a worried expression adorning his face. I continued to shake my head and grumble curses as Edward looked on in concern.

"Bella, you're going to wear yourself out. This is obviously stressing you. Sit down." He told me.

"Of course I'm fucking stressed out! Someone is either pretending to be me and send you gifts—" I waved the card around in the air. "Or they are severely delusional and/or have developed a crush and have decided to stalk you!" I cried in frustration.

I heaved out a deep breath and stared him dead in the eye.

"Do you know anything about this?" I asked flatly.

Edward's eyes scrutinized me for a moment, widening then becoming the same shade of incredulousness that mine were.

"How could you even think for a minute that I'd keep something like this from you? I swear, Bella. I know less about this than you do!" he promised.

I held my stance, steadily raising my head and letting my hand drop limply by my side with the card still in my grasp. I swallowed loudly, rubbing my other palm over my face.

"I'm sorry, Edward." I murmured, apologetic.

I hadn't meant to sound so rash and upset—not that I wasn't. I shouldn't have been taking my anger out on Edward—the innocent party in this instance. But he was the only one here to yell at. I had let my temper control me—fucking hormones, they took away my free-will.

Edward sighed then.

"It's fine. I'd be reacting the same way if it was addressed to you." He said softly, relaxing a little.

I smiled tightly before bringing my fingers to my mouth, gnawing on my thumb nail as I kept pacing. This was insane! I suppose I wasn't handling the situation as good as I could have been. I remained vexed, trudging around the room. Exhaustion catapulted me into an irritated slumber after that. The troublesome predicament we found ourselves in; I may have overreacted in calling in that.

So, maybe someone had developed a crush on my fiancée, there was no need for my initial concerns. Edward was a grown man—in control. He loved me undoubtedly, and I in return. However, I found it hard to restrain the ridiculous jealousy that I exuded—knowing Edward and mine's past. I felt ashamed of thinking about Edward ever repeating that little indiscretion; in turn, cheating on me and destroying a magnitude of trust we had built, destroying us altogether—by having an affair with someone. I was being outrageously foolish. I didn't want to be so stupid as to ensue another argument with Edward over this. In the end, he would just end up deducing it as my lack of trust for him. Which was untrue, extremely so. I trusted him immensely. He was the sole person in this world that I depended on without a doubt. Having this hanging over our heads was going to be a strain—but it was a little glitch in the larger scheme of things.

I knew, deeper down in my conscious than my shallow thoughts of distrust and incredulity, that this would all fizzle away sooner or later. It could have just possibly been a prank. I told myself this over and over as I woke early that next morning. I had had a nightmare—they were getting increasingly vivid as my pregnancy delved into it's next month. Tonight's agenda involved finding myself lost in a hedge maze—not so scary right? Fucking wrong. I was a pretty cool customer when it came to these type of things, never in my life had a maze become so terrifyingly threatening. But, my fucked up pregnant brain couldn't help but torment me with images of fake-titted whores. Every corner I turned, would be another one, rubbing up against my fiancée. I had my arms circled around my baby belly, scrunching my face up and closing my eyes to expel the horrific sight from my mind. When I opened them again, the scenery had drastically shifted from the dark green hedges to my old English classroom. As I stood there, waiting for Edward to arrive, I realised I had been holding a baby the entire time. I looked down at them with a fond admiration—they were finally here. A noise had alerted me to another's presence, the sight I beheld was not one of joy. It was Edward, wrapped in the embrace of another woman. They were attacking each other like animals. I had begged him to stop—offering him to hold our child, but he refused. _"There's no time for you anymore,"_ he had sneered in disgust. I had recoiled, clutching our baby to my chest before it disappeared completely, leaving me with a distant sense of loss. _"I don't want you anymore. You're nothing to me."_

His hurtful words resounded in my head like the painful clashing of cymbals. I had awoken quite hastily after that, willing my body to surface out of unconsciousness and swim back to reality where I was sure the real Edward would never say anything like that to me.

Dream Edward was a real bastard.

I was covered in a sheen of sweat, clutching my still present belly under the coverlet. I looked to my side at Edward who stirred at the small disturbance. I slowly lowered myself back into the pillows, regaining a small feeling of serenity, basking in real-life, and not the dreamscape my subconscious fears had dredged up. I refused to fall back asleep, even though my body would have thanked me—but I was too fucking afraid of going back to that horrible place. In my mind—a world like that had me shaking more than a world with dragons and zombies and mother fucking vampires. For once, real-life was safe and comforting, a place I'd rather be than in a fantasy world; one with endless beginnings and endings, but included a snarky Edward who feasted on slutty blondes.

I managed to fucking fuel my unnerving dread of losing Edward to someone better, in all aspects, by thinking over the opportunities and dynamics of a relationship he could have with someone outside of ours without any of my knowledge. I was plotting my own fiancée's affair, as if it were a governmental conspiracy. I was treating it like a fucking puzzle. I shook my head at myself, laughing at my own internal antics as I stared at the dark ceiling.

Edward moved a little more, making a low grumbling noise, signalling that I had woken him. I bit my lip in regret—he could always tell when I was tense, sleeping or awake. The fact that our connection went so bone deep gave me some consolation.

"Honey, what's on your mind?" he asked, his voice hoarse from sleeping.

He still didn't open his eyes. He was facing me while lying on his side with his arms hugged around his pillow. He looked half-asleep, but I knew he was listening intently.

"Nothing," I lied in a whisper, hoping his bullshit detector was on inactive.

No such luck.

His eyes opened and landed on me. I shifted so I could face him properly, mirroring his body's position.

"Bullshit," he mumbled, reflecting my thoughts back at me.

How could I have ever had any doubts about us? He knew me as well as I knew the fastest route to Krispy Kreme. He was infallible. I sighed, subconsciously displaying my uneasiness from before.

"Something's not right," he went on softly, clearing his throat so he didn't sound like a chain smoker.

I looked down at my hands, clasped tightly in front of me. It was his turn to sigh. Instead of ignoring my muteness, he shifted again, sitting up and rubbing his hand over his face, blinking rapidly as if it helped him wake up. He didn't say another word as he gathered me up easily in his arms, pulling me to his chest and tucking me into his side, caressing my belly with his hands. He tenderly kissed my hair before leaning his cheek against it, stroking my torso softly until I caved under his will.

"I had a nightmare," I confessed unwillingly.

Well, it was sort of unwillingly; he used his mind tricks, physical contact fell under that category somehow. Was dazzling a sort of hypnotism?

"What was it about?" he asked genuinely.

He was always so fascinated by the inner-workings of my mind, a sort of muse of his that was never left unnoticed by me, and never failed to perplex me that he found it so remarkable. I always thought I'd be used in a brain research study, not because of Edward's interest, but because I thought they'd want to use mine as a dummy—how an average person's cognition works, compared to a genius or something. But, apparently, I was special—Edward's incorrigible statement, not mine. I played with his fingers. He ran his index finger over my knuckles, then up the length of my ring finger, gently running it over the diamond that symbolised the impending commitment we were both involved in. However, another commitment loomed, a more pressing and irreversible one. I glanced at my swollen stomach—our child. I remembered his cruel words, words that were not his, but had hurt me all the same. I couldn't hold back the irrational flood of tears for the man in my dreams who did not resemble Edward's personality in the least. I was being stupid and insecure, crying over something I had conjured up during a restless night of sleep and not something based on actual fact or even something that had actually occurred at all.

"Honey," he started, clear worry toning his voice.

"Please tell me, Bella. It hurts to watch you upset and not know how to help." He pressed, hoping to receive some sort of explanation from me.

I sighed, wiping under my eyes and decided it was best to be out with it. I was too jaded by everything right now to even bother with lying—I was exhausted, they would end up sounding like lies anyway. And, why should I feel the need to lie to Edward? We didn't do that—why should I sully our relationship with starting the habit now?

"I had a dream that you were with another woman," I blubbered out, my voice barely audible between the desperate sobs.

Edward sighed beneath me.

"We were back in Forks High school, in the English room. I had our baby in my arms as you came in the room with some tramp," I sneered the word, even though she wasn't real person.

Nevertheless, she was still a tramp, real or not.

"You were being..." I searched for the correct word and decided to choose one that wouldn't leave me shuddering in disgust.

"Passionate...with each other." I told him.

His hands continued to stroke my belly; it comforted me.

"I offered to let you hold our baby, but you wouldn't take it. Then you said that you didn't want me anymore, that I was nothing to you." I was successful in hammering out the last of my words before fully breaking down.

"Shh," Edward soothed lovingly.

"Bella, it was just a dream. I wouldn't have done that to you, ever. Who does this Dream Edward think he is?" he said lightly.

I coughed out a strangled laugh.

"He sure sounds like a mofo." He noted.

"But Bella, what happened last night...it doesn't matter, really. I know you're worried, but you don't have to be. Hell will freeze over before I decided I didn't want you anymore." He said seriously.

I sniffled.

"But what if it freezes over tomorrow?" I queried, quite serious myself.

"Maybe I'll use another circumstance," he mused.

He was contemplative for a moment.

"How about...never," he whispered into my ear.

"Bella, I couldn't imagine a life without you. It scares me that you're scared. I just...I have to stress this to you that I _can't_ go anywhere." He said, his voice growing louder and more certain as he pronounced each word.

I moved my head to look up at his face, bathed in the beginnings of the morning sunlight.

"But...you don't know if you'll love me as long as you say you will..." I said in a small voice.

Edward sighed in exasperation. He grasped my shoulders and moved me off of him. I was about to object and say that I didn't mean to make him upset, until he turned my body to face his. He leaned down a little, steadying his eyes with mine. He ran his hands down my arms before moving them to gently cup my face. He held me firmly.

"Stop it, Bella." He almost growled.

"You still have no idea, do you?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"No idea about what?" I replied.

His thumb rubbed under my eyes to gather the tears.

"You have no _fucking_ idea that whenever you're away from me, I can't fucking breathe. You have no idea that every day, I worry that you'll leave _me_ after realising I'm not good enough to breathe the air around you," His voice cracked.

I sniffled, listening to his every word, his every breath as he poured his heart out.

"If you're in a crowd, I don't see anyone else. As fucking crazy as it might sound, if I had to choose me or you, you would always win out. If I had to choose between you and the rest of the world, everyone else, _you_ would _always_ come first. I can't stand it when you're in pain, emotional or physical. You mean everything to me, more than anything has before. I could be a poor man, living on the street and pissing in a tin can, but if I had you, I'd consider myself luckier than anyone else in the world. I _love_ you. It's time you stopped being so stubborn and fucking believed it when I told you." He finally finished.

I sucked in a breath, a few more tears streaming as I watched his burning eyes fade a little. He had gotten so worked up. And I had been the biggest piece of shit to him. I may as well take a dump straight in his face, with the way I've been acting. And all along, I thought I was the one hopelessly lost in another person. He was just as fucking bad.

"I have been..._such_ a whiney little bitch," my voice full of amazement.

"You know," I started, letting my arms wind around Edward's torso.

He smiled, seemingly satisfied that I believed him now.

"You should write that down, you could put it in your wedding vows. That shit would have the whole place in tears."I said, smiling through my own tears.

He chuckled, kissing me on the forehead.

"Seriously though, you could write kickass greeting cards. You put that on a piece of cardboard with a glass of champagne in the other hand and you're fucking ready."

Edward rolled his eyes before bringing my face to his, crushing his lips against mine. I sighed against his mouth, closing my eyes and tasting his lips.

He snaked his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him. He leant back, rolling onto his back and pulling me on top of him so I was straddling his hips. He brushed my hair from my face before reclaiming my lips. It was passionate, searing with emotion.

I lavished in these moments. I would file these away, keeping them buried inside me so I could reminisce about this time when I was an old woman—hopefully with Edward by my side.

Our lips parted invitingly. His tongue slid into my mouth, gaining him a lusty groan from me. We broke apart for a moment. His hands were firm and urgent against my waist, pulling my tank top up and over my head. I threw it off of the bed, my eyes following his own as they skimmed up my naked body. His eyes darkened. I bit my lip. He sat up slowly, his large, warm hands palming my thighs, gliding over my skin to my ass, sheathed in lace panties. His fingers clutched onto the silky material while his eyes bored into mine with a sudden thirst. I could feel my stomach begin to quiver, the familiar warmth spread throughout my entire body and the moisture that seeped between my legs. He carefully lifted me off of him so I was kneeling above his hips. He pulled his boxers down, revealing his already close to exploding erection. I licked my lips as he let me settle over his tip. His fingers pulled at my panties again and I knew what would come next. With a sexy growl, they were ripped from my body, flicked off to the side before his hands tightly grasped my hips.

I moaned as I let my entrance run over his head, gathering my wetness. I shuddered in raw need. He seemed to share my feelings, his teeth were gritted and his eyes growing darker with hunger every second that ticked by. I let out a shaky breath before finally gliding down his shaft, letting him inside me.

"Ahh, fuck," he hissed, his fingers digging in slightly.

I closed my eyes, letting my head fall back as I slowly rubbed my hips against him. I sucked in a breath through my teeth, my arms flailing back before gripping the crumpled sheets at my sides.

I bucked my hips faster, feeling him fill me completely. There would never be anything like it.

"God, you feel fucking great," he growled.

"Fuck, Bella," he groaned, his head falling back in the pillows as the muscles in his abdomen tensed and relaxed.

I ran my fingertips down his chest, he grunted in response, liking the sensation it caused.

I breathed in raggedly, heaving up and down, the motion and the friction between our legs was getting me higher. I was growing close to a climax, shuddering and clenching.

Edward's hands moved up my thighs to my hips, one stayed there between my legs, gently flicking my tender clit which caused me to gasp and thrust faster. His other hand grazed lightly over my stomach before covering my right breast and squeezing gently.

Edward sat up, his abs clenching and our movements becoming more frenzied.

I wailed in ecstasy as he licked his tongue over my hardened nipple. He groaned against my tender skin, taking it in his mouth and sucking gently.

His tongue ran up my chest to my collarbone. I grasped his shoulders firmly, nails biting into his flesh.

"Fuck!" I cried, pleasure rippling through me.

Edward grunted against my neck, moaning gutturally. His arms snaked around my back, holding me to him as I continued to rock against his hardened cock.

He licked and kissed along my neck, raising goose bumps. I shivered, my eyes rolling back in my head. Edward shifted a under me whilst flicking his tongue out to my neck, just below my ear. I gasped at the added sensation. He was hitting a rather tender spot inside me, his tip coming into contact with my right spot. I cried out, unable to take it.

Edward growled into my neck, nipping at the flesh there.

"Jesus!" I shouted.

I moaned as his other hand squeezed my ass, pushing me further against him. I couldn't hold myself back anymore, I had fallen from the precipice into the pool of pleasure that was radiating through my body in a mass of convulsions. I tightened around him—groaning loud and uninhibited.

Edward's body began to tense just after mine, he bit down on the skin at the base of my neck just as he came inside me. He let go, breathing hot and heavy onto my shoulder as he loosened up, relaxing his tightened muscles.

"I love you." I whispered.

I could hear the smile in his voice when he replied.

"I love you, too."

With that, he gently kissed the area he bit down on. The tender flesh was soothed under his soft lips.

It was a healthy way to start the day—it was also followed by another two rounds of hot sweaty, wake-up sex.

~~~___~~~

My nasty semi nervous breakdown had dissipated over the next few hours.

It was a Sunday today, so, we decided to hit the town, just a day out for the two of us.

We followed down the main streets, window shopping before ditching that and arriving at the mall. It was a fucking huge bitch—the size of three footballs fields, or more. It had three or four stories, I wasn't sure, looking up gave me vertigo.

It was funny, I used to look into my future and get vertigo—the idea of planning ahead had me scared and uncertain. Now, with my future solidly at my side, the vertigo disappeared.

I was a transformed woman, really. And I could say that without feeling like a giant douche, because I was a grown woman, not some pubescent or 'coming of age' woman, like your Dad tells you you are just because you had to buy a box of tampons. I was really feeling myself growing into my maturity.

As I linked my fingers with Edward, grinning up at him in triumph, it was easy to see just how far I'd come from the scary little teenage freak show that fell in love with her teacher. Although, I knew I still had that element inside me, no matter how many tequila shots I drank.

Being a teenager was all about competing, achieving your goals, winning. Well, I fucking hit the mother lode with this one. I squeezed Edward's hand, as I caught sight of a baby goods store.

He grinned and let me lead him as I weaved our way through the bustling crowds.

Any other day, I would have poked my own eyes out, but there must have been something in the air. I felt like being cheerful. Maybe a dentist office exploded, leaking happy gas into the city.

Whatever the reason, I was surprisingly happy to go shopping. I found a gap in the throngs of people standing in my way. I gripped Edward's hand behind me and began ploughing through these mother fuckers. My eyes made purchase with the glass windows of the little shop. I entered without hesitation, pulling Edward in with me, away from the craziness.

"Fuck, maybe they need the fire department out here," I commented, blowing a stray piece of hair from my forehead.

"Why is that?" Edward asked, amused.

"Well, jeez, those bitches need to be hosed down! There's more screaming and caterwauling than an Aerosmith concert," I chided, slowly walking through the fixtures.

Edward chuckled and shook his head.

We stopped at a rack of tiny little onesies. I clucked my tongue and sighed.

"They are so fucking adorable!" I squeaked, picking one from the rack

It was white, thick cotton and had a picture of Kermit the frog on the bib. I moaned in awe—I just wanted to cry it was so fucking cute. I also needed to buy the kid some little mini shoes so I could stare at them too. And, I also wanted a shirt that said 'newbie', 'all mommy wanted was a backrub', or 'my mom is a fox'. That would be awesome. Edward stared at the little bib for a moment before a sly smile crept across his face. I frowned.

"Don't you like it?" I asked, pouting.

He laughed.

"No, no, it's not that...I just...I couldn't help but think of a joke after looking at it," he smiled.

I waited.

"Okay, well, why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?" he asked.

I stared at him, dumbstruck. I was never good at figuring out jokes. I shook my head and shrugged.

"Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69." He giggled, covering his mouth.

A shout of laughter burst through my lips before I could properly contain it. That was funny. I would have to keep that for later. But, two could play at that game, I did happen to have some very filthy jokes up my sleeve. I playfully slapped Edward's arm as he snickered.

I rolled my eyes, putting the little onesie over my arm and continued my searching.

I smirked to myself and decided to humour him.

"What's the speed limit for sex?" I asked, eyeing some cute little mini Nikes.

"Um, I don't know, what?"

"68, because at 69 you have to turn around." I giggled to myself.

Edward chuckled. Not much of a reaction aye?

"That's not _so_ dirty." He said.

"The idea was there," I defended.

"Okay, what is the meaning of trust?" I asked seriously, although what I was about to say was in no way serious. Edward looked at me levelly before shrugging.

"Two cannibals giving each other blow jobs."

Edward snorted then covered his mouth again. I laughed along with him, peeking over the clothes racks towards the sales assistant who was growing increasingly uncomfortable with our crude exchange of sex jokes.

"Okay," he smiled conspiratorially.

"What's the difference between jam and peanut butter?" he asked, grinning, his eyes alight with a child-like playfulness that tugged at my heart. But, unfortunately I had to burst his bubble.

"Heard it. The answer is, you can't peanut butter your dick up a chick's ass." I said, smiling coyly.

Edward sighed, defeated.

I laughed and trotted over to the girl's section. They had beautiful little sundresses—every colour available, it was a fucking rainbow junction. Edward bought me all the baby clothes I picked out, ater losing our little battle. The next place we paused at was a lingerie shop. I groaned inwardly when Edward wanted to take a peek. I sighed and let him have his fun—it wasn't everyday he could come here, after all, it would look a little gay.

The woman behind the desk smiled at us as we entered and made a move to assist us. I bit my lip and averted my gaze, growing embarrassed already as Edward held up a pair of silk panties and a garter belt. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed the woman to seek someone else but she appeared at our sides regardless.

"Hello," she said sweetly. I sighed and smiled back tightly, Edward remained in awe as he stared at the material, or lack thereof.

She glanced to Edward sceptically then back at me.

"Um, is this your brother...?" she enquired brazenly, motioning toward Edward who dropped the panties and turned his attention back on us.

"Uh," I frowned, a little burnt by her assumption.

"No, he's my fiancée." I corrected with a slight feeling of victory—fucking bitch.

She was blond and fake—just like my nightmares. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Listen lady, I don't know what you do with _your _brother but why the fuck would I be in a lingerie store with mine?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

Her eyes shot straight to my belly and her eyebrow cocked menacingly.

She smirked.

"Forgive me," she murmured sarcastically.

"Oh, I'll do more than that, bitch," I spat angrily.

Edward started to move closer to me, probably for safety reasons. I mean, the girl was a string bean, she wouldn't be able to survive if I clawed her fuckin' face off. He was moving his hand toward mine, preparing to pull me back before I went postal on Tits McGee here.

"Excuse me?" she snapped, mirroring my pose as if she was tough—oh no, honey.

"Ladies, come on," Edward coaxed but I kept going.

"You know, maybe you assumed that because you _think_ you're hot, that you would have had a chance with him...but I gotta say, I'm surprised you don't shatter the mirrors in this place."

The girl scoffed and stepped closer, getting into my face, I clenched my fists but felt Edward's hands circle around them, restraining me.

"What are you? _17_? And _pregnant_?" she sneered reproachfully, as if she was all high and mighty.

Where the fuck did this stranger get off on lecturing me?

"I'm 19, you inarticulate whore. And I'll bet your vagina has more diseases than a third world country!" I screeched.

She lunged, Edward took the moment to swing me out of the way and drag me the hell out of that fucking store before I really tore that slut up. Tits McGee shrieked profanities after us but Edward grasped my hand tightly, not letting me go until we were well away from the lingerie store.

We stopped outside of a Krispy Kreme—just the right kind of antidote to the situation. Edward halted, hastily sauntered over to the counter and bought me a donut. He sat me down at one of the tables and handed it to me with a serious expression.

I ravaged the donut, biting into it harshly as I stared at him.

My mouth was full of food but his eyes looked extremely fiery.

"You know," he began, his voice a bit strained and husky.

I perked an eyebrow—I knew that voice.

"That was really fucking hot what you did in there," he commented, watching my tongue as I licked the sugar off my lips.

My mouth curled into a lop-sided smile—my mouth was still full at this point.

He kissed me on the lips, gathering some sugar with his tongue. God, I fucking wanted him so bad. I glanced around us at everyone we were surrounded by. I wouldn't be partial to a public fuck.

I groaned as his eyes darkened a few shades, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and standing up. I discarded the last few bites of my donut, in search of a private enough place to ravish my fuck-hot fiancée.

It sure shows how hormones can affect your mood. I had gone from giddy, to furious, then straight back to horny like I was this morning. Just thinking about letting Edward fuck me in a changing room had me growing uncomfortable between my thighs.

We found an almost empty clothing boutique.

Fucking perfect.

I slowed my jogging to walking, attempting a look of casualness and not look like I was going to defile the dressing room. We nonchalantly shuffled past the few other patrons, goofy, excited smiles on our faces. I grabbed a shirt off of one of the displays, making it look like I had pure intentions on entering the small corridor.

I pulled Edward closer then shoved him through one of the open doors. I ran in after him, closing the door and locking it. As my back was turned, Edward's mouth claimed my neck. I gasped, my arm moving around to hold his face there, running through his bronze locks. I tugged hard enough to make him growl against my skin. My heart thudded as I thought about how spontaneous this was, how at any moment, someone could realise what we were doing in here. My cheeks flushed uncontrollably, Edward kissed up and down my neck, nipping at my flesh and causing me to whimper as my panties pooled with moisture.

I sucked in a breath through my teeth as he pulled my woollen cardigan off my shoulders. He then gently trailed his fingers over my bare arms, gently tugging the straps of my tank top off. I was breathing hard, my heart labouring with the intensity.

He didn't bother with teasing me—this was all about hunger and insane desire for one another.

Apparently being feisty seemed to turn him on—I should do it more often.

He turned me around, pulling my shirt all the way off, practically ripping the material. I was wearing one of my white lace bras beneath it today—this just made him go fucking bat shit crazy.

He grasped my hips, pulling my jeans down until they circled my ankles. I breathed hard but smiled in satisfaction. I was in my underwear, half-naked while he was still dressed. That wasn't fair, it was about to change. I brought his face down to mine , running my tongue over his bottom lip before opening his mouth with mine and plunging my tongue in. He groaned, I pulled his body closer. His hands worked over my body, unclasping my bra and hooking into the waistband of my panties as I tore his shirt from his chest and brought his jeans down to his ankles which he proceeded to kick off. I brought his boxers down after that, revealing his awaiting erection—throbbing with need.

I moaned as he finally got my panties off my legs, his fingers exploring my sopping wet folds causing me to whimper and moan against his hard shoulder.

He growled into my hair, his tip grazing across my naval. He hissed as I grasped it tightly in my hand. He grasped my shoulders then, turning me around and bending me over the little bench that sat on the side wall of the cubical. He kicked my legs open, spreading my hot centre for his full viewing. He leant down, his head grazing my entrance as his hot breath hit my ear. He kissed my neck, brushing my hair back with his right hand as his left squeezed my ass. I whimpered, needing him inside me. He chuckled, his stubble tickled my cheek before his teeth grazed my earlobe.

"Wet for me already, Bella?" he asked mockingly.

I nodded vigorously, panting away.

"Do you want it, Bella? Tell me." He growled.

"Oh, fuck yes, Edward. Fucking, fuck me already!" I hissed, trying to remain inconspicuous.

He groaned softly before plunging inside of me. His hands grasped my waist tightly, not wanting to send my head bashing into the wall—not that I cared at the moment.

He moaned as he entered me again and again.

I was purring like a kitten, his cock filling me, hitting me in just the right spots.

Pure fucking bliss.

I held on for dear life as he pounded me into oblivion. Each thrust was met with a whimper of my own. I was sweating slightly, my skin flushed with a shade of pink. Edward panted behind me, his throbbing shaft sending shivers of pleasure up and down my spine.

He was going so deep!

Our bodies slapped together rhythmically, creating a sort of natural melody, better than any birdsong I've ever heard.

He fucked me hard, and he fucked me well.

My hands clenched into fists as I neared what was soon to be a fantastic orgasm. I drew in short, shallow breaths, feeling him strain to keep pumping when he was ready to let go too.

I bit down on my lips to keep from wailing, or screaming out his name, although he wouldn't be too upset about that part. My inside walls clenched around him and he couldn't take it anymore. He moved his hand around my thigh, coming in between my thighs from the front. He began to stroke me gently. I shivered, going up on another orgasmic high only to feel that point of ecstasy and the wave of pleasure that toppled down after it. Edward's hands tightened, his movements became faster, speeding up almost to the point of my third climax when he finally came, exploding inside me like Mt. Vesuvius. I tried controlling my breathing as he slowly extracted himself from me. He leaned down then to place soft, tender kisses over my shoulder blades and spine.

I shuddered once more—I fucking loved shopping.


	5. Hell hath no fury

**Well, hello there... *smirk* I've been waiting for you. *snaps gloves on hands* You've been naughty reviewers haven't you? *cracks whip* Mmmhmm...My you certainly have. I want review after review after review people. To tell me what you think. I'm really tired so this A/N is only going to be a short one and a 4/10 scale on funny-wise. Well, my scale of humour anyways.**

**This chapter has a lemon ;D This chapter has angst :| This chapter has a cliffie __ (birobirds a bitch) This chapter has some weird revelations: things that you probably won't understand until later o__0**

**Hope you like it!**

**Have fun! :) Birobird xoxoxox**

* * *

A pleasant silence permeated through the car as we drove home.

We had hardly done any shopping at all; pretty much spending our time mauling each other in the changing rooms.

I sighed contentedly.

You couldn't make that shit up. Seriously.

I peered over at Edward. He wore such a smug, goofy grin that I couldn't help but laugh. You could tell even from standing as far away as the fucking moon that he just got laid. I giggled into my fist; I probably had the same expression plastered over my face as well.

I hope no-one would find out what we did in there; or if they did, they kept it to themselves.

I don't think I'd be able to walk into that store again without being either red-faced to the point I would blend in against a fire engine, or I would be so out-of-control horny that I would repeat the act.

Wow, what a filthy little human being I was.

I hoped it wasn't genetic; although a kid with a dirty sense of humour would be hilarious. At the appropriate times of course. However, with a mother like me? I'll bet they'll end up making crude jokes at funerals or making awfully distasteful remarks at the worst times possible.

Oh, well. Maybe Edward could teach them to be more demure.

He sure was experienced with the suave shit. He made a name for it. I suppose he'll be responsible for teaching our child table manners and speaking properly, whereas I'll be in charge of teaching it bar jokes and how to make a farting noise with your arm pit.

And people thought I was immature? Pssh, whatever.

I knew when to say when. Most of the time.

Today, with that blonde whore? Not so much. But could anyone have blamed me? Okay, well, maybe I could have taken a page out of Edward's book and been the bigger person, but as I recall, when someone pissed Edward off; they were hardly let go easily.

Remembering those dark times; the cult...Jacob.

I shuddered, repressing them deeper so they wouldn't come crawling back up. My mood instantly shifted from deliriously, freshly-fucked straight on to gloomy and angry.

But I had made a vow, almost a year ago or possibly longer than that; I would not let those memories, those hindrances in the past draw me back from making the future I wanted.

I quickly tried to clear my mind of dwelling on that crap; if Edward noticed my sudden shift in emotions, he would ask. I would have no option but to tell him; he could always sense when I lied.

It was like he had some sort of detector mechanism built into his brain; set onto my brain frequencies. Like a gay-dar.

I snickered, my mood uplifted successfully.

Edward glanced at me, his crooked smile stretching across his delectable lips. I licked mine unconsciously. He could twitch his fucking eyebrow and I would need to send my panties straight to the dry cleaners. Check the box: "Suffered from flood damage—need to be scrubbed profusely".

I sighed, clasping my hand with his over the centre console.

I wonder if Edward would be horribly opposed to another round of car sex...?

My cheeks flamed uncontrollably. Even though I was far from an innocent virgin by this point, thinking about dirty things always made me beet red.

"What has you as red as a tomato?" Edward smiled, chuckling softly as we turned the corner onto our street.

I shrugged.

He shook his head, rolling his eyes.

I smiled fondly, wondering—as I usually did—how on Earth I had come to deserve a man like Edward Cullen.

Still, I wasn't about to give him up because I felt unworthy. He was stuck with me now. I hoped he knew how tightly bound I was to him—considering everything we've been through, I would assume he did by this point.

And, if not, I suppose I would spend a lifetime showing him how devoted I was.

I pictured my life with him, years from now. And I was so beyond happy, so delirious that whatever obstacles I hadn't even considered yet, had zoomed, unknowingly, past my head. Whatever it was I knew we would soon have to deal with, it would only tether us together, making our union indestructible.

I curled my thumb over his; rubbing his skin as I contemplated what lay ahead. I had to admit I was having a little trouble imagining me as an old woman; the same with Edward. But as the two, withered old people came to me, I couldn't help but smile. If that's what fate had in store for me, living out my life with Edward—than who was I to complain?

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have Edward to grow old next to. If he wasn't there to share the rest of my years with, then what would be the point?

I truly was in way too deep than normal. But I couldn't help but feel grateful that, even though the mere idea of this not working out would be exponentially painful, the thought of never having this, whatever it was, was too much to even think about.

I sighed contently, shuddering slightly as a chill hit me.

I released Edward's hand for a moment to turn the heat up on the dash. Edward glanced at me, perplexed.

"You need more meat on you, honey. You obviously can't handle the cold. I'm surprised you made it living in Forks." He teased.

"Ha ha." I muttered sarcastically.

"We can't all have freakish immunity to the cold; you must be a descendant from Eskimos." I said, staring out the windshield.

He laughed, filling the car with the melodic sound.

"No, you're just amazingly fragile." He quipped, although I think it was meant to be a half-compliment.

I scoffed but didn't reply, I had no more ammo. I was pretty spent after that round in the changing rooms.

I turned my direction of sight to my window, gazing out onto the street.

We were a few doors away from home.

A familiar form caught my eye. I squinted through the rain spattered glass, wondering how this person could spark such a large amount of recognition in me.

"Huh," I mumbled, frowning and squinting harder as if it would improve my lack of vision.

"What?" Edward murmured; distracted by a car that was trying to over-take us.

I shook my head, still staring across the street.

"Nothing, I just...I thought I saw someone..." I trailed off, feeling like the typical pregnant loon.

We pulled up into our parking space in the structure underneath our apartment building. Edward leaned over the console to stroke my cheek, ever so tenderly.

I raised an eyebrow in question, but he just continued.

His thumb made a circuit, tracing under my eye, down my cheek then over my lips. They parted out of instinct at his touch. I saw his eyes fall to them, darkening slightly as if it turned him on.

I could feel the tension in the air grow thicker, his need and my need increase rapidly in just seconds.

"Maybe we should, uh..." He began to suggest, indicating that we should probably move out of the car and go to our bedroom like civilised people.

Probably a valid suggestion.

I sighed.

"Yeah,"

He smiled crookedly, his hand resting at the nape of my neck as he leaned closer, pressing his lips to mine gently.

It was chaste to begin with, but gradually grew more heated.

I let my fingers crawl eagerly to his chin, his jaw, tracing the faint stubble that coated it.

I moaned into his mouth as his hands fell to my neck, then my shoulders before moving further down to caress my breast.

I groaned, opening my mouth to let his tongue inside.

It was all so routine now; we didn't even need to think. I caught his bottom lip, sucking gently as his other hand made it to palm my breast.

We had only just had sex! Why were we doing it again? Because I was practically a fucking addict, and well, Edward has incredible stamina. If we did things this way all the time, we'd never leave our bed.

I moved my leg up to the seat, shifting so I could kneel on the leather.

I climbed over to Edward's side, straddling his lap like I had done so many times before.

Our breathing was laboured; intense with need and desire.

I would never get used to this; the reaction I got when he touched me. The feeling of tingles all throughout my frame, telling me he was here, he was mine. I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks, the moistness growing between my legs. All reactions, uncontrollable; all because of him.

Just him.

He was very visibly strained as I settled over his erection. His teeth were gritted and he almost looked like he was in pain as Ii deftly stroked his length over his jeans.

"I can't believe we're doing this again...I'm pretty sure the security staff are going to give us a formal warning about inappropriate public behaviour," Edward said, his voice strangled and breathless.

"Or," I cut in.

"They might pay us to continue our escapades, that being because we've shown the poor bastards more action than they've seen in months." I laughed, ravishing his mouth again.

Edward stiffened slightly. I could tell he was holding back a bit now; he was thinking, concentrating.

"What?" I asked, impatient to get naked with him.

My fingers began to fumble with his button down, popping it open hastily in a desperate and irrational need to see him.

In _all_ his natural glory.

He sucked in a breath.

"I don't want anyone else getting a show out of this," he muttered, his hands resting, annoyingly unmoving against my hips.

I groaned.

"Forget about it, Edward...just relax..." I pleaded, leaning back down to press my mouth to his.

He sighed, gaining more enthusiasm.

Now _that's_ what I liked to see.

"Mmm..." I hummed, closing my eyes as he buried his face into the crook of my neck.

I let my hands tangle into his mess of hair. He looked like he'd been in a wind tunnel...or had his horny girlfriend tugging at his hair all day long because she was hornier than a rabbit...

I let him undress me, pulling my blouse from my shoulders to reveal my bra and my swollen belly.

He smiled fondly, gaining that adorable paternal smile as he saw my stomach housing our baby.

It was clear that he already loved him/her. Despite the fact that we hadn't even met the child yet, it was impossible not to love them already.

He rubbed his hands over the bulge before leaning back slightly to help me out of my jeans.

Now, this was quite a task. For some reason, last time didn't seem as laborious. I huffed and grunted as I squirmed out of the denim and my panties, letting them fall to the floor, twisting with the foot pedals. I leaned back a bit, struggling to unbutton Edward's jeans and get them open enough to let him out.

He chuckled a bit at my attempts.

I frowned in concentration before his skilled hands took over. I only had to pull his boxers down over his shaft. I licked my lips in anticipation, staring appreciatively at his junk.

Well, what could I say? He looked utterly divine.

He smirked up at me, his hands roaming hungrily over my body. Those same sparks charged like static over my body, my skin.

I bit my lip, letting my head roll back a bit as I lavished in the sensation. I let my eyes fall back to his before I lifted myself up slightly, gliding over his length. I began to move, rather agonisingly at first.

But desperation for release won out in the end, causing me to go a little harder and faster.

My hands were flat against Edward's large expanse of chest; the flat planes of it, the angle of his collar bones...the curve of his biceps.

I whimpered as he struck a sensitive spot inside me, my skin perspiring with the effort.

His green eyes blazed devilishly, as if finding a new weakness of mine he could use against me. I prevented him from saying anything by pressing my lips back to his for another searing kiss.

I wanted more of him; it seemed that I wanted more every time I was this close.

Being as close I could get...was that not enough? Apparently not, seeing as how I cried for more...begged for it.

Edward always tended to worry about our relationship. He said he was so incredibly dependant on me; that if I was to leave him—god knows why I would do something so daft—that he would literally stop breathing.

I could feel his perspective, experience it for myself, because that's exactly how I felt.

And, even with this proximity, it was still not close enough to him.

I was crazy.

Heat, pleasure and ecstasy seared through me.

I shuddered, but remained intent on continuing.

I grasped Edward's shoulders tightly, his face brushing against my chest. His tongue flicked out, tasting my skin, just above my breasts.

My legs were cramping a little as my knees bent on the seat, riding him with total abandon.

Edward's hands claimed my waist, gripping painfully tight as he got close to his a climax. Sweat was beading across his brow. I wiped it away with my finger tip. I was rocking back and forth unevenly, gaining grunts and groans of pleasure from my partner in crime.

I gave him a breathless smirk, revelling in the feel of him. My hands slowly drifted down his chest, tweaking his nipples. He jerked a little, causing me to grin. They then dropped to skim over his torso, his muscles clenched automatically as I ran my hands over them.

Edward reclaimed my mouth, his tongue moving against mine as his body began to shudder.

I found it took only that to make me clench around him, shocking me with how sudden I came. And so _powerfully._

"Ohh....God!" I cried, on the verge of hysteria at how good that felt.

I felt him grow more tense, his entire body stiffening and his eyes fluttering convulsively as he emptied his warmth inside my sopping wet core.

I wrapped an arm around his neck, letting my sweaty face fall to his shoulder.

"Again," he muttered gruffly. "I _still_ can't believe we're doing this, _again._" He mumbled, kissing my neck.

I laughed. The movement caused more friction between our bodies, my clit rubbed against him, causing me to tense again and groan.

I began rocking again, unable to help myself.

"Fuuck," Edward cursed, nipping my earlobe.

~~~___~~~

"I hope you know you're going to drive me to an early grave with all this behaviour." Edward commented as he entered the bathroom.

I laughed and then feigned an insulted expression.

"You mean you want me to stop?" I asked, wringing out my wash cloth before laying over my forehead as I settled into my bubble bath.

Edward spun around hastily, his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.

He sputtered a bit, then realised he was frothing. He growled and narrowed his eyes at me, shaking his head.

"Is that a...yes?" I teased.

He turned around to spit, running the faucet to rinse before turning to glare at me again.

"The last thing I want is for you to stop." He hastily reassured me.

I grinned and closed my eyes. The hot water was heavenly on my sore muscles.

My belly poked out of the water, though, which could be a little distracting.

Edward sat down on the tiles beside the tub. He was shirtless and in boxers, already having had his shower. I opted for a bubble bath to release some of the stress my body was taking.

He just sat there silently before his hands ventured to my face, stroking my cheek softly. I smiled, leaning into his touch. He ran his hand through my hair for a while, massaging my scalp. It felt so fucking good that I fell into some sort of tranced, daze.

I woke up in bed later on, not remembering how I got there. I was sleeping against Edward of course, my face lying in the crook of his arm.

He had a t-shirt on now. I pouted and sighed. Oh, well...

He stirred a little in his sleep, shifting onto his side so he was facing me. He sighed, his minty breath brushing my face. I snuggled closer, throwing my own arm over his torso. He tightened his hold reflexively, letting me fall asleep fast.

By the morning, Edward was already up and getting dressed.

I groaned, covering my eyes with my arm to block out the sunlight streaming through the gap in the curtains.

"What time is it?" I mumbled sleepily, yawning.

Edward yawned too.

"About seven," he told me.

I frowned, grabbing his pillow and throwing it aimlessly, hoping it knocked him over the head for his lack of sense.

"What the fuck are we doing up then?" I complained.

He sighed before I felt the bed dip on my side. His hand moved to my arm, tugging it away from my face so I would look at him.

His face was angelic, bathed in the morning light, it illuminated him. And he looked too freaking chirpy.

I scowled at his perfection: anyone but him would have looked like a piece of shit this early, myself solely included.

"I have to go in early. I've planned a Q and A for my students about their upcoming assessments." He explained.

If he started to ramble on about ancient lit, I was going to scream.

"Well, aren't you just the...planner," I chastised, although it sounded more like I was being nice, than sarcastic.

But it was early! My joke and sarcasm reservoir wasn't fully rebooted yet. I needed caffeine or at least a few more hours. Edward rolled his eyes and made a move to stand up, abandoning attempts to cheer his moody fiancée up.

"I'm sorry!" I hastily apologised.

I wouldn't want to let him leave to work with us on a bad note.

"I'm not a morning person, you should know that." I told him, reaching for his hand.

He moved away, shaking his head.

I frowned in frustration; sitting up in bed, throwing the comforter off of my legs. Edward was over at the closet, grabbing a tie which he proceeded to tie himself, even though I usually did it for him. It came out uneven and messy. I rolled my eyes and stood up to give him some help; but he ignored me.

"What?" I demanded, angry.

"What the fuck did I do?" This was ridiculous.

We _never_ had fights.

And even the petty, trivial little disagreements; he never ignored me. He spun around, his tie almost falling from his neck. I tried to stifle a laugh, pressing my lips together.

He scowled past my shoulder, growing impatient.

"What?" he growled.

My face fell and my amusement went straight back to annoyance in a split-second.

"What, yourself. I just said I wasn't a morning person and then you go all fucking PMS on my ass." I argued.

He scoffed.

"Maybe if you didn't act so childish," he retorted, raising his eyebrows.

I crossed my arms over my chest, challenging him to go further.

"Excuse me?" I asked, incredulous.

I narrowed my eyes at him. He shook his head, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

"Just fucking forget it!" He huffed, grabbing his jacket from a coat hanger and shrugging it on.

I watched him, my anger flaring because of my heightened hormones. I let my mouth fall open before I grabbed his arm to stop his escape.

"Tell me what's wrong? Why are you trying to pick a fight with me?" I demanded, growing more upset than angry now.

If I cried, I was going to break something.

Crying would mean I lost this fight. The thought made me feel ill. Why were we even fighting? About nothing at all? And why was he being so difficult? I hadn't said anything that should make him aggravated.

"I'm not trying to pick a fight with you!" he yelled, his fists clenching.

My eyes began to sting, but I refused to let any tears fall.

What the hell had happened?

Why was he acting like such an asshole? We were perfectly fine last night! How had everything gone down the shit hole after this morning? Usually if I had said something like that, we would have exchanged a few sarcastic remarks, but this was being blown way out of proportion.

"You're trying to pick the fight!"

"What?" I yelled, my voice rising a few octaves.

I shook my head, my throat tightening and my eyes burning.

"Why do you keep turning this on me? I said 'I'm not a morning person, you should know that' and you acting like I fucking stabbed you or something!" I angrily replied.

His teeth clenched and he turned around, picking up his brief case by the door before storming out to the living room.

I followed, mirroring his posture.

"Hey!" I protested as he stalked to the door.

"What the hell is going on with you?" I demanded again, furious that he was treating me this way.

"Is something wrong at work? Something you're not telling me?" I pressed.

I put my hands on my hips as he said nothing.

"Is it about that letter? Has someone approached you?" I snapped.

Edward's head shot up.

"No," he growled.

"Bella, I would tell you if they had! Why don't you fucking trust me?" He was turning the argument back on me again.

An avoidance technique. It made me suspicious—that suspicion was enough to make me nauseated.

I hadn't detected any falter or difference in his personality or moods for the past few days. But...maybe he was a good liar. I waited for him to say something, anything to redeem himself. He stayed silent before muttering, "I'm going to be late."

I made an incredulous noise.

"So work is more important right now?" I chided acidly, knowing that I may have been stepping over a line.

But damn it, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

And boy was I fucking scorned.

Edward glowered at me for a moment, shrugging his shoulders. I shrugged my shoulders pathetically in response.

"So that's all you're going to say?" I muttered, my voice shaking.

I pressed my lips together to keep from sobbing. I couldn't stand it when things weren't right between us. I took a deep breath before I turned on my heel and sauntered back to my bedroom. I heard Edward's footsteps behind me before he paused, considering whether or not it was worth another fight. He thought better of approaching me, instead his footsteps grew more faint before I heard the front door slam, louder than usual.

I covered my mouth and leaned back against the bedroom door, sliding down to the floor in distress. Panicked sobs bubbled up in my chest.

Edward was rarely ever short with me, the last time had been when I was at school with him and I wasn't reacting the 'right way' after I was attacked. Hardly.

But even then, he was only worried about mine and the baby's safety. Today, it just felt like he was angry with me because he was truly pissed off with _me_ and _my_ attitude.

I sniffled, trying to smother my sobs with my palms as I stared blankly at my bedroom, his presence still here.

If I was ever upset or in need of comfort, it was always him I turned to and needed, that hadn't changed. But what I needed comforting from was him and his spiteful words.

My shoulders shook violently; I was in so much pain.

A tiny little fight, a few bad words thrown around and I found myself in intense agony. I was trying to fight the despair that this would explode into something bigger. I didn't need to think about that. I was breathing heavily, trying to control my emotions. They were going haywire with everything that happened this morning.

I needed to relax; I could feel the baby becoming distressed because of me.

I turned slightly to grasp the door handle, using it help me into a standing position.

I let out a few ragged breaths, still clutching the door.

I was having a mini-breakdown over this; it wasn't right.

I needed to calm down, right now. I told myself over and over, that this was nothing. Edward was just having a bad week or something and I only made it worse by saying something he misconstrued as hateful words when they were only a joke.

He would be fine the time he got home and we would laugh about this because we were being so stupid.

I nodded to myself, catching my breath. This was a minor glitch. Just like the flowers Edward had sent to him.

It was nothing...nothing to be worried about...

It would be resolved as soon as he got home from work; we would talk about it.

I just had to stop panicking.

But my hands wouldn't stop trembling with fear and dread. Of course it was lunacy to think that this would have further repercussions on our relationship, but it didn't stop me from feeling yet another bout of insecurity.

If this was going to happen often, I needed to prepare. I couldn't have a small argument with Edward and end up hyperventilating on the floor.

I was acting ridiculous, and, like Edward had said, I was also acting like a child.

I sighed. I got dressed, rather quickly, not worrying about what I was throwing on, really. I grabbed my jacket, my phone, my wallet and my house keys before I headed out.

It was Monday morning and the streets were pretty packed. I decided to stop by a cafe, a favourite of mine. The one that Edward always took me to.

I got a taxi to the cafe, considering calling Carmen, but she would be at work with Edward so I shouldn't bother her with my pity party. Instead, I just sat alone and played on my IPhone, popping bubble wrap on one of the applications Edward put on there. I sighed dejectedly, feeling pretty glum as the waiter brought me my herbal tea and cinnamon scroll.

He recognised me from the last time I was here, grinning warmly. He also noticed that Edward wasn't present this time around.

"Are you alright, miss?" he asked, genuine.

I faked a smile and nodded, not wanting anyone else's comfort but Edward's.

He nodded and walked off, looking a bit disappointed that I didn't want his company. I managed to down the ghastly tasting cat-pee they call green tea before getting to the good part—my cinnamon scroll. It was warm and toasty and gooey. Exactly what I fucking needed.

I hadn't bothered to check my face before I left the apartment. I probably looked horrible and distraught with tear tracks and shit running amuck over my face. I should really invest in a compact mirror to keep in my purse.

I finished up, playing on my phone for a while before I called it quits.

This place wasn't really doing anything for me. It wasn't cheering me up out of my funk so I decided that maybe it was time to bite the bullet and go see Edward.

I hated having any qualms, any animosity amongst us. It just didn't feel right, and it would never feel right until I fixed it the old fashioned way. I hailed a cab, requesting a trip to the University. I just hoped that he wouldn't be in too bad of a mood to talk to me. I really wanted to make everything better. I would end up with heart palpitations if I didn't.

I couldn't wait all day long for him to return, even after work, he might get caught up in something else. I shouldn't expect that I was his first priority, every second of the day.

I stared out at the dismal weather—rain. I rubbed my sore eyes, feeling swollen from crying. I probably looked pathetic. Oh, well.

It wasn't important right now.

I asked the cabbie to wait for me in case I needed him again. The roads were treacherous and I didn't want to get stuck in the cold rain hailing another one.

I quickly made my way to the administration, feeling a little hesitant now that I was actually here.

Would Edward be mad that I bothered him at work? Or was I being overly anxious again, letting my over analytic brain burn through all the most horrible possibilities.

I was over-thinking this maybe.

Maybe I could just wait until he got home...?

I sighed, eyeing the woman behind the counter. She was busy on the phone at the moment—I could just leave right now...?

I sighed, turning around and re-entering the blistering cold outside the building's heated interior. I noticed a lecture room was thriving with people, the lights on and people shuffling around inside. This was probably where Edward was having the Q and A.

I slowly sauntered closer to the room, the roof shielding me from the rain slightly.

I leaned up closer to the window, gaining a peek inside. In between packed bodies was my fiancée, speaking animatedly. I could tell he was upset too, although he did a remarkable job of masking it. I would have thought he was fine had I not known his face so well.

I could see the drawn look under his eyes, the distraction—he was thinking about something else as he taught these people. His mind wasn't fully in attention to them.

I bit my lip, deciding that it could definitely wait. I spun on my heel before ramming into another woman. Recognition flitted over her features. I frowned—she did look some-what familiar.

"Oh, uh..." I clicked my fingers, scrounging around in my brain for her name.

"Heidi." She said bluntly, quirking an eyebrow.

"Um, yeah. That's it. I saw you here once. You're, uh...you're Edward's student?" I asked, feeling a little uncomfortable.

She nodded, glancing inside the same time I did.

Edward was pacing, talking and moving his hands around to animate his words. He was a great public speaker, but at the moment, he looked flustered and just as uncomfortable as I was.

"He looked a bit angry this morning. Do you know why?" she asked softly, watching him curiously.

I sighed and nodded.

"Because of me." I answered numbly.

Of course he'd been angry.

"That's too bad. It happens...all the time," she reassured me with a warm smile.

I smiled back tightly.

"Sometimes things just go wry in relationships." She mumbled regrettably.

I bit my lip and resumed my staring. Could she be right?

I shook my head to clear it and decided now was not the best time to talk with Edward. I bid a curt goodbye to Heidi before fleeing back to my still awaiting cab. I smiled gratefully at the driver, who was a little miffed about having to wait so long.

God, what is it? Knob-head day?

I made it home, drenched, naturally. I got into the apartment, closing the door behind me and throwing my belongings down onto the glass table. I peeled off my wet clothing and decided to take a hot shower. I relaxed a little at the warm sensation before towelling off, quickly to avoid getting cold again. I sat down on the sofa and watched T.V for a while, needing nothing to do.

I waited there for Edward, slowly drifting in and out of sleep.

I was almost fully under when the phone rang, bringing me out of my drowsy state.

I sat upright, rubbing frantically at my eyes before reaching for the handset buried in between the cushions. I had been lying on top of it.

"Hello?" I yawned, rubbing my scalp and stretching my limbs.

"Bella? It's Charlie." I smiled.

"Hey, Dad. How are you?" Finally, some pleasant conversation.

"Bella..." Charlie sighed, sounding regretful and...a little on edge.

I sobered up a little, becoming acutely aware of the warning note in his tone.

"Something's happened, baby." He murmured.

"I don't want you to be worried though, okay?" he said.

"Dad, what is it?" I demanded.

Dad always hedged around subjects.

There was a lengthy pause. I stood up and started pacing. Was he in trouble? Was he...was he _sick?_

"Bella...word got to me that some people have been let out of custody?"

I gulped, strangled by the mere thought of...?

"Um, what-what are you talking about, Char-Dad? Who got let out of custody?" I urged him to continue.

"Alec and Embry," My heart stuttered and I felt the blood drain from my face.

"They claimed mental instability due to the drug use. They've been let go because they've been deemed rehabilitated." he explained cautiously.

They were out. I knew one day, something like this would happen.

I knew it.

I could distantly hear Charlie calling for my attention, but the phone slipped from my grasp.

I tried to keep a grip on reality, keep from collapsing in on myself.

I clutched the kitchen counter and my stomach simultaneously. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, with no-one here to help me with the burden.

I blinked hard, tears falling; tears of fear and betrayal. They should never be allowed back out. I didn't care if they were high; what they did was inexcusable.

My mind was flitting with images that I tried in vain to block out. All of my memories from Forks. That night in the woods...the night they were trying to kill me...

I wrenched out a strangled sob; my thoughts revolving around yesterday.

The figure in the street.

I gasped, my hands reaching for the phone again.

"Dad!" I gasped.

"When did this happen?" I demanded, my voice hoarse with emotion.

"Two days ago. I tried to get a hold of you sooner, sweetie, I tried—"

My knees buckled—at the same moment, the front door creaked open.

Terrified, I screamed.


	6. Oddity

**A dear promise: All Edward's douche-i-ness will be made up for in this chapter.**

**Hope you like.**

**A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY READERS. THANKYOU SO MUCH YOU GUYS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU ALL! XOXOX**

**Smuttfully yours,**

**-birobird**

**xoxo**

**(Scholarward sends you a naughty spanking this Xmas ;))**

* * *

My muscles contracted; losing their strength.

I couldn't fight the overpowering, crippling fear that choked me now; it ran like an acrid, venomous substance through my veins.

I screamed loud, the sound piercing through my own ears...leaving me a shuddering, quivering mess.

I was gripping the counter top but my hand failed me, causing my body to slump to the hard wood floor.

I was horrified, the fear controlling every other sense inside me.

Self-preservation was priority one; that is until I saw him.

"Bella?" he called, rounding the corner to find me crumpled and sobbing.

"Bella!" he cried, anguished.

"Edward," I breathed, so relieved that it almost hurt.

He dropped everything to the floor, his keys, his phone—which was probably broken now—and his brief case. He dropped to his knees in front of me, taking my face in his hands.

"Are you hurt? Is something wrong? Is something wrong with the baby?" he demanded, frantic.

I shook my head, more tears cumulating and running moist streams over my skin. I needed to tell him, obviously. But what would his reaction be? I shuddered to think about it. His hands fluttered over my red puffy eyes, my jaw; almost afraid to touch me.

Right now I felt like a glass statue; not imperfect and flawless, but so amazingly fragile.

A sharp word could send my entire form shattering into oblivion; cascading shards showering down to the floor.

I sucked in a breath through the relentless sobs; trying in vain to calm myself.

"Edward," I sobbed.

"Ed-w-w-ward," It's all I could manage to get passed my lips.

He sat down on the floor in front of me, his arms encircling me firmly, dragging me over to him. He held me so tight and he was so warm; it was sheltering. I felt secure and safe.

But shadowing that was the thought of how I shouldn't need a man to make me feel safe.

Edward was here, though. He didn't have to be. I could either send him away and daftly strive to be independent when I was so close to breaking point, or I could take what he was so dutifully giving.

For the time being, anyway; there was still this morning's fight to discuss. However, it all seemed to petty right now in comparison to what I just heard.

"Bella," he groaned, burying his face into my hair.

I was grasping his arms and then his shoulders, feeling the slight vibration through his skin as he trembled. Or maybe it was just feeling my own tremors through his body.

I tried to clear my head; clear it of all the deluge.

"Bella, please." He begged in a whisper.

"Please tell me what's wrong. I'm so sorry! I-I _hate_ myself for doing that to you. You're killing me here, Bella," he said, his voice breaking.

He let my incessant tears soak his damp jacket for a moment before I worked up the courage to admit everything.

"I, uh—something-something happened..." I stuttered, wiping at my eyes to prevent his face from blurring.

He looked at me seriously, waiting for me to continue; his soulful eyes sending wave after wave of remorse, and something akin to guilt and self-retribution.

Most of all—he was _sorry._

"What happened?" he whispered, glancing down at my belly.

"You didn't answer me before, are you hurt? In pain?" he asked, anxiously scanning methodically over my body.

I shook my head vigorously, a silly attempt at reassurance.

"No, no. I-I'm fine...ph-physically." I told him, smiling weakly.

"Then, Bella, I'm begging—please for the love of god, tell me what's wrong?" he pleaded.

I nodded.

"I got-got a call...from Charlie..." my voice rose, giving away that I was about to cry again.

"He told me, that...something had happened back in Forks. At-at first...I thought he was in trouble...that-that h-he was sick, or something..." I shook my head and swallowed.

"But it had nothing t-to do with him, really. M-more to do with me." I let out a shuddering breath.

"Alec and Embry have been released from custody. They claimed mental instability from the drug use and now they've been 'cured'." I said, my voice strong and never faltering.

If only I felt that way on the inside.

Edward remained eerily silent, staring at me expectantly like I was delivering the punch line to a joke. It was like he hadn't even heard what I just told him. Like he was only very slowly absorbing it.

A dry sponge.

He didn't move.

I could vaguely see the words cementing into his brain behind his eyes, the translucent green swirling with different possible emotions. I could only guess what he was thinking. And from past experience, I knew for sure it wasn't pretty or pleasant.

I could feel fluttering in my stomach, slight pangs of unease.

The baby wasn't responding well to this stress. I clutched my belly, a worried frown pushing my fear away for the moment. Just a moment.

Edward sensed my shift of demeanour, like he was attune to the inner workings of my mind...almost.

"When I found you in here, clutching your belly, crying—I thought the worst, you know..." he murmured, his arms bringing me closer to him.

"And then you tell me..." he stopped short and didn't say anything else.

I realised he mustn't be able to find the proper words to describe how we felt at the moment—I couldn't, what made me think he could, either.

His voice came out louder and with more conviction, not leaking uncertainty like before.

"They may be released, Bella. But we're safe. _You're_ safe. What reason would they have to..." he trailed off, his eyes widening in visible apprehension as he watched me shake my head slowly.

Not in agreement that they weren't a threat to us.

But in disagreement.

"Yesterday...I thought I saw someone familiar in the street, I've been feeling that way for the past two days, like someone has been watching me. It was one of them. It was Alec." I gulped, sending a fresh flood of chills down my already sore spine.

"When were they released?" Edward asked, his voice dangerously low, no detectable hint of emotion.

That wasn't necessarily an indicator that he was fine; quite the opposite.

I let go of the breath I didn't know I'd been holding.

I caressed the side of his neck with my right hand; staring deeply into the sage recesses of his irises. I bit my lip.

And then I bit the bullet.

"Two days ago."

~~~___~~~

"No going out in the dark by yourself," Edward said, his voice still that painful, indifferent monotone.

Although I knew how much he was hiding from me.

"Actually—no going out in the dark. Period." He said, contemplatively as he paced across the room in front of me.

I was sitting on the edge of the bed, graciously accepting the boundaries he was spitting out. Not because I thought they were completely necessary—some of them were, actually—but because I knew this was his way of coping.

He wanted to remain sane and this was his way of keeping his head on straight.

How could I deny him this?

"In fact, don't go out." He said, not really talking to me directly, but talking nevertheless.

Like he was verbally laying out plans to himself. Nodding mechanically, he was drumming his fingers against his chin, staring at the floor before he finally came to a stop, taking a deep breath as if that helped.

At least it worked for him.

I watched him carefully, more concerned about his state of mind than mine at the moment.

Rarely did Edward lose his head like this; it was sort of disconcerting.

"I want you with me all the time. I won't take excuses." He murmured, staring at me directly, as if he finally acknowledged my presence; he waited for an objection but I just gave him a compliant nod.

He sighed and his shoulders seemed to slump with the excess tension he was suddenly holding above his head.

"We need to do something." He mumbled, sitting down beside me to rest his head on my shoulder.

"You mean evasive action?" I asked absently, grabbing his hand and holding it in my lap.

He let go of my hand to place both of his palms over my belly.

"Well, what do you propose we do, then? Buy a gun?" I quizzed, not really considering it.

Edward cocked his head to the side, as if _he_ was.

I frowned and shook my head. He sighed in resignation before scooting back farther up the bed, he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and dragged me with him.

"I hate being so far away from you." He explained his sudden clinginess.

Not that I was protesting; it was exactly what I needed.

"Not that I'm complaining," I mumble, angling my neck so he could gain better access.

He showered kisses over my skin, mumbling sweet nothings in my ear. He paused.

I waited, but he didn't say anything like I had been anticipating.

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm what's best for you." He sighed.

Only I would be able to detect the hint of dread behind his words. He dreaded that I would agree with him. No fucking way.

I turned around, shooting him a horrid glare.

"Don't you dare start with the sacrificial shit now, Edward. God damn it!" I growled.

I was on my hands and knees facing him, throwing my clenched fist against the comforter as I spoke my angry words.

Edward stared, shocked.

"You will _not_ just walk into my life then tell me I'm better off without you, Edward, because I'm not!" I was practically shouting into his fucking face—whatever got the message across, I suppose.

"I've changed, you've changed. We've changed together and there's no going back! So, don't even start regretting anything because if you do, you're regretting this," I pointed to my stomach, rocking back on my heels before plopping down on my ass with an exasperated huff.

The air was so tense again—all the gathered stress from today's events; it had worn me out quite considerably, although I doubted my ability to sleep soundly.

Given past experience with stress; I will most likely be tossing around a bit, possibly mumbling profanities in my tumultuous slumber. I stared down at my hands, clasped loosely in my lap; Edward approached then, reaching his hands to cradle my face.

He forced me to look at him.

"I don't regret it!" he breathed, mortified.

"I don't." He was shaking his head incredulously.

"I was just scared that _you_ might." He muttered, his voice barely audible.

He ducked his head, as if embarrassed.

"Now who's the insecure one." I asked, letting the dust settle, so to speak, before I said anything.

Edward glanced up at me from under his lashes, retrieving his breath-taking crooked grin that's been sheltering inside himself for too long.

"Ah," I murmured, my own smile spreading gleefully across my face.

"See," I stared pointedly at his mouth, letting my own hand reach to cup his stubbly cheek.

"There's my smile."

He let it hold for a moment before it fell slowly, gradually shifting into a tight-lipped smile. Things weren't very carefree at the moment—not with everything going on. I sighed as I stroked my thumb tenderly over his cheek bone; he continued to stare at my lap, his eyes contemplative again.

Abruptly, he pulled my face to his.

"I should have done this hours ago." He muttered as his mouth left mine for a moment.

He didn't let me respond before he drove his tongue deep into my mouth. Moaning in sudden enjoyment; I let my hand fall from his face and tear frantically at his clothes.

Fucking buttons were being a bitch, though, so I let him have at it. Turns out he was just as anxious to be close to me, as well. He didn't mind about ruining his shirt; the fabric tore. His rambunctious yet fluid motions sent me into a frenzied hormonal state.

"Edward," I gasped as he tore my own shirt from my chest, revealing my heaving breasts.

He settled his face between my peaks, nudging my nipple with his nose before gently taking it in his mouth—a groan vibrating over my skin like a current. As he lifted his eyes to my face, he licked his lips and his eyes; dark with lust and a whole other spectrum of emotions, flitted over my body, half-naked before him.

I let him pull my pants from my body. He left my panties on, savouring in the simple yet intimate act of touching my skin. Firstly, he let his fingers brush over my thighs, down to my knees then back up again, repeating the circuit as he leaned down and took my mouth again. He was breathing hard, panting almost; making short, soft grunts as I unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants.

He hovered his body carefully over mine; and yet still maintained his ravenous edge, the one that stared into my eyes now, abandoning any reserves and living in the moment.

_This_ moment.

Seizing it.

Like I've heard so many times in my life; in stories, books, movies, television—it can all disappear tomorrow.

I was glad I had placated Edward with what I said, telling him—well, more like yelling at him—that he has not done anything detrimental to me with his presence. That he's been a resource—a life source.

Edward discarded the remains of his tattered button down, throwing it over his shoulder without a second thought and rolling onto his back quickly to pull his pants off his ankles. He crawled back over to me, his mouth exploring the expanse of my swelled stomach before his arms wrapped around me, lifting me into a half-sitting position. We could watch each other intently in this position. He sat down fully, pulling me into his lap with his legs stretched in a 'v' beneath me.

I breathlessly tugged his hair and licked up the column of his throat, over his adam's apple, to his chin. I stopped at his bottom lip, taking it between mine before biting down on it with my teeth. He hissed but was not deterred by my aggressiveness. His hands palmed my ass before one moved between us. He kept his eyes on me and I kept mine on his as I felt his forefinger slide up my folds. My lips parted, a breathy sigh escaping my lips and a spark forming in his eyes as he watched.

I grasped his form erection, letting my nails trail lines up to his tip—not harshly, but erotically. His eyes narrowed and his mouth fell open, a groan building in his throat that filtered through the air between us like the crackling of a bonfire.

Our open mouths connected again in searing desire.

I let my eyes flutter open, staring at his the look on his face as I gently but firmly started pumping my hand up and down his length. He audibly gasped, his teeth clenching as he detached his lips from mine and brought my opening closer to his throbbing shaft.

"Edward," I panted.

"Edward,"

I took a deep breath, letting my eyes fall closed.

"Edw—" I was cut off when he parted my folds while I eased down his length.

A guttural moan fell from me, and I couldn't find it in me to care.

I was with Edward.

If anything, it urged him on more.

"I love you." He whispered, his voice unstrained for an imperceptible moment before he began rocking my hips with his hands.

I cursed, holding one of my hands over his while the other grasped his shoulder.

His lips pulled back from his teeth and he growled slightly, his body shuddering at the sensations erupting between our connected bodies.

It wasn't sweet and timed, or pre-meditated; it was spontaneous and frantic.

After all, I think we both needed to clear the tension between us after that fight and the stressful evening following in it's wake.

As he moved inside me, I felt whole.

All of my worries, every single insecurity, every fear was erased. Everything else was amplified. Sound, touch, sight..._taste._

I cried incomprehensibly into the crook of his neck while I kept a demanding hand, tugging at his hair and the other still covering his hand on my hip.

I brought our foreheads together, watching him from under my lashes. He was watching me too, so intensely that it was almost too much to bear.

When I stared; there was no ugly past, and there wasn't necessarily a pretty, bright future, either.

At that moment; it was just us, a singular oddity.

My hands trembled with the effort of holding off my orgasm. My body wrenched and quaked against his, trying to hold off the explosive climax that was steadily rearing it's head.

"I love you, too." I finally whispered, my voice strangled.

His expression didn't change; of course he already knew. Although I could detect a hint of satisfaction behind his eyes as they closed momentarily. I felt my body begin to clench, tired of holding off the inevitable.

I was gasping, as if I couldn't get enough air inside my lungs.

I shivered and then it all came toppling down. I let go of his hand on my hip, fisting before wrapping around his neck. My other hand grasped his hair tighter, tugging probably painfully as I drowned in my own pleasure, coating him with my wetness. He groaned louder, feeling his own release coming after mine visited me.

His fingers dug into my shuddering body, his hands tight against the skin of my hips. They released for a moment, gently skimming over my entire body, caressing my arms, my neck and my breasts, pinching my nipples slightly. My clit still rubbed against him, his hands went back to rocking my hips. One left my hip to rub over that sensitive mound, wanting another reaction out of me.

Fuck, it was the least I could do to obey.

"Arghh! Ed-Edw—Edward!" I cried again, shaking like a leaf in his arms.

I reached another height entirely before falling off the precipice once more and I could feel him shoot his warmth inside my core. I let out a shuddering breath, my voice coated in ecstasy.

"God," I breathed.

Edward chuckled slightly.

"I guess I just wanted to say I was sorry for this morning." He explained.

I laughed, a little breathless and almost hysterically.

"Well, you're fucking forgiven." I mumbled, burying my face, eyes still closed, into his neck.

I felt his lips at my ear.

"Doubt thou the stars are fire; doubt that the sun doth move; doubt truth to be a liar; but never doubt I love." He whispered.

I smiled.

"Quoting ancient lit in the bedroom...nice." I commended, kissing his jaw.

"Shakespeare?" I asked.

He nodded with hooded eyes.

"So dear I love him that with him, all deaths I could endure. Without him..." I paused.

"Live no life."

Edward sighed against my skin, prickling it and giving me goose bumps.

We held each other for what felt like hours, keeping our bodies intertwined like a mess of tangle cables. Eventually, I couldn't defeat the drowsiness that swept through me. Edward held me tight against his body, still awake until dawn.

EPOV

I could safely say that I _rarely_ got too overwhelmed with anything.

Save for the fight I had with Bella—now that just tore me down a notch off my emotional pedestal. I was acting like such a dick to her and I didn't even know why. Even my fucking brain was yelling at me to shut the hell up, but I didn't.

It was stress, it was work, it was Bella—and it was all getting the best of me.

It kind of started that afternoon after the shopping escapades.

We had been talking quietly in the car when we pulled up into our designated parking spot. Bella was horny, rubbing against my junk every which way before I could even get my seat belt undone.

I was completely and utterly willing, my dick could vouch for me in that aspect. But that was only physically. _Physically_ I wanted to fuck Bella crazy right there.

But when she mentioned cameras filming us and how the security staff would be getting a show—well it kind of irked me, although I wouldn't let Bella see how upset I was.

I didn't want our private life becoming public knowledge. And I _especially_ didn't want _any fucker_ getting an eyeful of my fiancée either.

Call me possessive, call me traditional—but I think nobody but me should get to see her that way.

Then waking up early in the morning was a task in itself.

I was exhausted and so was Bella by the looks of it. What I would have given to spend the entire day in that bed with her...

But I also had responsibilities—ones that were paying for the bills and groceries and upcoming addition to the family. So, I had to go.

And a moody, sleepy Bella wasn't helping and I snapped.

Believe me; I was sat in the front seat of the 'fuck-you're-a-douche-bag-for-yelling-at-your-pregnant-girlfriend' bus.

I wanted to throw myself onto some train track for the way I acted, especially after she ran to our bedroom. I hesitated but decided she probably wouldn't want me offering my apologies and I wasn't about to upset her even more, so I left for work with a heavy burden on my heart and my chest constricted.

However, the day wasn't going perfectly—which only made me think of Bella even more, seeing as how I was fresh out of things to do at work.

I had planned to go in, do my tutorial Q and A, some paperwork in my staff room and go to my lecture.

Half of the people showed up to the Q and A than planned, so we were moved from the larger lecture theatre to a small room with limited space and utilities.

I had prepared a slideshow presentation that went to waste, but on top of that, I was extremely anxious to get back home and grovel to Bella.

After the Q and A which ran for a mere hour and a half, I was approached by a few students, asking more questions.

Frustrated, I was very short with them when I didn't mean to be.

"Sir, with the assignment, will the same material be on the exam?" Heidi asked sweetly, holding up her essay in front of me.

I huffed out in exasperation.

"Heidi, why didn't you ask when I was actually _answering_ questions?" I demanded, my voice sharp and cutting.

She frowned, her face falling. She fled after that, embarrassed and a little hurt at my display. Just another pile of shit thrown on top of my guilt-ridden head today.

It was torrential down pour outside when I finally left.

At least the chill and the water seemed to clear my clouded head a little.

At home, upon opening the door, I expected to find Bella curled up on the sofa with a book or watching T.V, or possibly in our room, ignoring me—either of those would have been better than what I actually did come home to.

I let the door swing open and in response was met with a spine-tingling shriek, followed by a series of gut-wrenching sobs that rang out through the entire apartment.

Severely horrified and anxious, I ran inside, dropping all of my belongings when I found Bella curled up on the floor, shaking, a hand clutched to her stomach as if she were in pain.

Paralysed with fear; I fell to my knees.

But it wasn't what I thought and once I had partially consoled her; she told me what she had heard from Charlie.

I went over her alarmed words over and over in my head until I couldn't bear to hear it anymore.

I clenched my fists as I lay in bed with her curled to my side, still naked from last night.

I sighed as I looked her over; her form still completely perfect, utterly serene with the blissful release that sleep can bring.

I hated leaving her side, but there was a conversation needed to be had.

I slowly unwound myself from Bella's arms; it was early, dawn. I hadn't been able to fall asleep, that only meant one thing.

That I was beyond sleep right now—my emotions and thoughts so completely livid that sleep evaded me.

I let Bella down gently onto her own pillow instead of my chest and felt the instant pang of unease whenever we were removed from proximity. It was silly, I know, but an unconscious reaction I had to her now.

I slid off the bed, found a pair of boxers and headed out into the living room.

I glanced down at my things from yesterday afternoon; my phone was broken, the screen cracked after I threw it down upon sighting Bella.

It didn't matter; I'd buy a new one. But right now I'd have to use the home phone.

I grabbed the handset that sat atop the kitchen counter and dialled a number.

Four rings before anyone picked up.

"Hello?" said a gruff, tired voice on the other end.

"Charlie." I greeted, my voice grated and strained.

"It's Edward." I told him.

"Oh, uh...what can I do for you, Edward?" he asked, a little grudgingly.

"I need you to get those filthy fuckers back in jail. I don't care how you do it, Charlie. I want it done. Not soon. _Now_." I ordered, in no fucking mood to fuck around with the subject.

"Hey, listen here. I'm a cop, sending them back would mean I had to do something _illegal_—"

"Then do it!" I growled.

"I can't!" he protested.

"This is your daughter's and your unborn grandchild's life we're talking about." I hissed into the receiver, glancing back to the bedroom where Bella remained oblivious to our exchange.

"That doesn't mean I can do something about it. The system is set in stone. There are no loopholes—"

"_That's not good enough!"_ I whisper-growled, trying fucking terribly hard to keep my voice from rising.

I heard a whimper coming from the bedroom and my head shot up. I ran to our bed where Bella was tangled up in the sheets, her face a mask of terror. She was breathing hard, tossing around.

"Help," she whispered.

"Help!" she said, her voice louder.

"No, no!" she cried, tears streaming from her eyes.

I moved over to her, to try to wake her up as I pressed the phone to my chest, Charlie still on the line.

"Bella, honey, wake up." I urged, pained.

She screamed, sitting bolt-upright.

I grabbed her and held her close, rubbing her back.

"Shh, Bella. It was just a dream. Just a dream." I assured her, wiping her tears away.

I sat on the edge of the bed.

"I'm scared," she sobbed into my shirt.

"I'm here, baby. I'm here." I told her, smoothing her wayward hair over her head before kissing her cheek.

"Wait here for a moment." I begged before stalking back out to the kitchen.

"You want to tell me after hearing that, that you don't want to bend the rules?" I demanded, furious.

"She is _terrified!_"


	7. Brick wall

**My god, you guys have no idea how hard it's been without my laptop. :'( So sad that I haven't gotten it back yet. And I feel so terribly sorry about my whore-like lateness with updating my poor but never forgotten IA:SI story. So, because all of you have been so brilliantly loyal with not many complaints about how late I am with this, here it is!**

**I don't know if you can tell that I had to write this chapter quick, but nevertheless, it is a CHAPTER!**

**I have so many ideas too, for new stories. They will SO be going up when I get my fucking computer back from those knob-gobblers. Seriously man! Someone said I hadn't updated this story in around two months!**

**It's been horrorfyingly long and so, so cruel to my readers.**

**Lethar, if you're out there, baby--THANKYOU for you kind words, lol.**

**Sending me a message of encouragment and such. I think people will be, like, uber shocked to see an update of this in their inbox. Hmm. So tell me, when you get this, if you screamed? REVIEW!**

**LOVE**

**-birobird**

**xo**

* * *

BPOV

I feel...like a ghost.

A big, fat pregnant ghost. Or a china doll. Maybe that was more accurate.

Edward was fastidiously becoming a brick wall around me, blocking me from outside contact.

My being terrified only amplified his fears. His fear of loss, I suppose.

Of course, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't let him stay with me all the time. Too much time around any sanity deprived, pregnant chick was sure to make anyone prone to losing their bearings. Luckily, I was slowly recovering from a three-day lapse in calm. In turn, Edward was gradually thawing from thick piece of ice he had been throughout that time.

I understood, fervently, how he felt about all this.

And, that's exactly why I couldn't feel surprised when he was trying to get Charlie to do something illegal--an attempt to get my former attackers behind bars.

If only to give us piece of mind, or, rather, to give Edward.

I was relatively past the whole 'lose-my-fucking-mind' jaunt; Edward was, if not painfully, more protective than before.

Which left little room to breathe at all. It was funny that I meant this also literally, too. Fuck, even unconscious with exhaustion over keeping me safe every hour of the day, he'd still manage to try and shield me in his sleep. It was odd--he couldn't help himself. And if it ever got too much, I'd simply remind myself of how Edward probably felt.

Seeing everything through his eyes put it into a clearer perspective. It was obviously hard for him. I was carrying our child, an unborn entity that we made together; and although he took an enormous part in that coming to fruition, I suppose he might still feel like an outsider.

Like I was having a party with the baby and he wasn't invited.

Although the image I conjured in my head was hilarious; it explained alot.

If I continued to figuratively put myself in his shoes (not literally, he had clown feet) I understood his behaviour on more than just a scientific level--that it was a natural chemical process to protect the mother of your child when she is bearing it in order to keep the bloodline going.

Anyway, it's not like I was in any position to turn him down and restrain him from being the way he was. I was a blimp and I imagined I was barely capable of picking up a bowl of fruit as it was.

It had been exactly two weeks after Edward gave Charlie "the call".

My father hadn't spoken directly to me, offering words of comfort and consolation.

I was shocked and I'd be lying if I didn't admit it: but I was hurt.

Did he not care anymore? Was he resentful of the fact that I left him at home to get my own life? Or was it because that life was with my former high school teacher? Questions boiled and weighed like solid led on my brain until I couldn't help but cry.

I knew the baby knew something was going on. I could feel its distress sometimes, kicking me and turning restlessly, all the time. Maybe it was normal; maybe I was just being paranoid. But I felt it--the baby. It knew what I knew.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Edward asked softly, sitting down on the sofa beside me.

He wrapped a solid, unyeilding arm around my hunched and shaking shoulders. He often told me that I scared him when I suddenly burst out crying; he said he felt closed off because I was lost in some other world without him.

"Why hasn't he spoken to me-e-e-e? I hiccoughed, sobbing into my palms as Edward gently rocked me.

His voice vibrated through his chest, my tears already having soaked his once-clean and crisp shirt.

"Who?" he asked, wary.

Although he probably already knew who.

"My Dad! Charlie! Why hasn't he called me? Why won't he talk to me? I'm his daughter!" I sobbed relentlessly.

Edward gave a forced chuckle, feigning light-heartedness.

I knew he was very put-out with my father at the moment; their relationship hadn't been rock solid to begin with--a mother fucking disaster would be best to describe it.

"Sweetheart, relax. You've been worked up all week. I need you to breathe," he urged, his voice losing it's soft edge and turning stern.

I hadn't realised my face was heating up. I threw the afghan that I had draped over my shoulders like a shawl, off.

Edward's arms re-wrapped around my trembling form; providing the much needed shelter I desired.

"I don't--I don't even know w-w-why I-I c-c-rying like this!" I said indignantly, annoyed with my weakness for emotion at this point.

"I just saw a commercial o-o-on T.V and--and..." My voice squeaked and a fresh round of waterworks cascaded down my already sodden cheeks.

It was an advertisment for toothpaste. A little girl was having her father help her brush her teeth, an enthusiastic yet cheesy smile plastered on both their faces. I don't even remember Charlie ever having done that with me but still...

Being exremely gentle as if I was made of the finest china, Edward pulled me away a short distance to mop up my tears with his sleave before rolling it back up to his elbows, the way I liked it. Embarrassed at my sudden swing of despair, my cheeks grew hotter. The tears had stopped coming and right now I was just overcome with fucking anger!

I could have tore down the street shouting profanities at the top of my lungs, I was pissed off that much. What, so I was abandoned now? Charlie was going to go that route was he? Just because I left him back in that dump of a town, Forks?

Well, he couldn't bring me down!

I huffed a little, breathing in a big breath and puffing up like a blow-fish before letting it all out slowly, controlling myself.

"God!" I moaned, burying my overzealous face in Edward's chest.

Yet no matter how awkward or neurotic I seemed to act, my fiancee knew exactly how to handle it.

I wonder how many crazy pregnant bitches he's got on the side...? He must have had some practice somewhere.

"I _hate_ these mood-swings, Edward!" I groaned; letting the sudden mute volume around us calm me.

Edward must have turned the television off once I mentioned why I was crying.

Haha.

What a great fiancee he was; helping his wife avoid unpleasant dental hygiene commercials.

His rumbling laugh shook both of us; it sounded only slightly forced than before. It wasn't a sounf I often heard anymore, not under the constant strain we were under at the moment. I frowned and removed my face to look up into Edward's bemused expression.

"We haven't had sex in _days!_" I added as an after-thought.

However, an after-thought it was usually not. Out-of-control horny all the time. If this what happened when you were pregnant, they should have written it down in BOLD on the packaging!

Edward's green eyes blazed distractedly, catching mine in an intense gaze.

He breathed a heavy sigh, his brow furrowing irritably before breaking the connection.

"You need your rest, Bella. You've been under too much stress. I can--I..." he was shaking his head, letting go of me and shifting to face the blank T.V, avoiding my eyes.

He placed his palms flat on his knees and did not look at me.

"Come on! Edward you can't tell me that you're not..." I glanced down at the crotch of his jeans and cupped his junk in my hand earning a hiss and making him jump.

"...not needing it too!" I finished.

His muscles had tensed, the tendons in his neck were strained, resisting.

"You can't avoid me like this forever!" I complained.

"You can stop treating me like a piece of glass! I know what I want right now, and it's not to relax. I've been doing that for the past week or so now!" My voice grew louder, indecently so.

Edward squeezed his eyes shut and leaned rigidly back against the couch, facing the ceiling. His mouth was a tight, thin line. I growled impatiently and grabbed his stiff hand in mine, moving it to my chest.

His eyes flew open but he did not remove his hand, instead took a shuddering breath.

"Why don't you want me?" I whispered.

Then a horrifying thought occured to me.

"Have you had enough of me like this?" I demanded, louder this time.

Edward groaned and sat up straight, his muscles still taught.

"For the last time, Bella! I will always find you beautiful. I will _always_ want you!" he spat.

The words were lovely, just the delivery was hostile, frustrated.

"Then do something!" I begged.

"Please!" I breathed, my fingers tugging the waist of my shirt up.

"No, no, no, no! Please, Bella! I can't...I-I can take care of myself...I can't, I don't," he tried to explain as I continued to removed my clothing despite his spluttered reasoning.

He did nothing to stop me though, only feeble words of objection.

I stood up from the couch; this was my objection this evening. I was past moody and depressive by this stage of the day.

My blue T-shirt was lying on his lap, clutched in his fists.

I was uncomfortable in bras now so I was already bare-chested before him, his attempts at talking me out of it died in his mouth, followed by silence and staring open-mouthed. It was time we did this; I missed his touch so much right now, aching for the moment when our skin met, tingling for the sensation.

"Ch-Charlie is just worried about upsetting you," he mumbled, still wide-eyed.

I nodded, not really worried about that anymore. I pulled down my sweat pants, they curled around my feet before I stepped out of them and kicked them out of my way. It was impossible to describe how infuriating the last two weeks had been without so much as a grope from my lover.

Well I was sick of just being kissed, I needed more now and he was going to give it to me. And by the looks of the erection he was sporting, his body was willing.

"I can't, Bella...I..." he muttered weakly even though his hands reach for mine.

He grasped them tightly before restraining himself and letting them go with a painful hiss. He brought them up to his face and rubbed feverishly over his eyes and through his hair, hoping to wipe away the muck of stress.

"Why won't you touch me?" I whispered, my thumbs hooked in my lace panties.

"I haven't had you in weeks, Bella. All this stress is doing, is making me a savage!" he growled, letting his hands fall back to his lap, trying in vain to conceal his hardness.

"What if I want you to be savage?" I teased, a small smile around my lips.

He groaned and shook his head again.

"No. This shit that's been going on--it only makes me want to fuck you wildly, fuck until you can't move. But I can't do that to you, not when you're like this! What if I hurt you?" he demanded, hoping for a definitive answer in my eyes.

I just simply shook my head, letting my panties slide down my legs. I kneeled down slowly, having only a minor difficulty maneouvering my baby belly.

His hands were back in tight fists at his sides. I let my hands wander up his jean-clad thighs. My breasts pressed firmly against his knees as I bent over his lap, reaching for the zipper and belt buckle of his pants. Obviously fighting an already lost battle, Edward let his head fall back against the sofa again, his perfectly muscled abdomen strained impossibly tighter as he fought his desires.

"Don't hold back," I breathed, pulling his pants open and down his thighs till they fell down his shins.

I pushed them off, along with his shoes, nudging them aside. Exposed and beautiful, I would say at the sight of him.

Barely restraining the urge to take him in my mouth, I stood up and climbed into his lap; my home. He dared not moved or make a sound. I felt like I was playing with a dangerous snake, a predator about to strike suddenly with enormous force.

Raking my fingers up is blue, pin striped button down, his jaw tightened and his cock grew more solid between us. I was growing uncomfortable but excited with the pulsating between my own legs, throwing caution to the wind and letting my hot, wet centre graze over his tip. Dangling raw meat in front of the coyote.

A ferocious growl surged through his chest beneath my palms, but he didn't move at all.

Realising that I was leading this show, I opened his shirt, popping the buttons one-by-one in a slow, tortorous manner. I was breathing hard, holding back urged and temptations to impale myself on his cock straight away. I needed to savour this, in case he never let it happen again.

I finished with the last button, an inch away from his penis, straight and at attention. My finger tips grazed it on purpose as I withdrew my hands. He jerked suddenly, his eyelids peeling back to glare at me.

I took one of his hands, still balled tightly, and tried to straighten it out. Once he let me uncurl his fingers, I layed his palm against my cheek and guided it down my face, my neck, my collar-bone and my chest before I cupped it firmly around my left breast. His thumb rubbing over my hard nipple was like ecstasy, his skin in contact with mine--so intimately. It was about time. My knees were resting on either side of his lap, my ass resting on his naked thighs.

Last time, the night after recieving the call from Charlie; the last time that Edward and I had sex, it was about vulnerability. I was distraught and so was he--we were in dire need of a comforting love. This was more about raw passion and ferocity than comfort, really. It was a mistake to leave it so long.

We were just lucky that neither of us has burst with sexual frustration during our short drought.

I didn't need to guide his other hand, as it found my waist by itself. Edward was positively scowling at me. I glared steadily back; arching my back and lifting my ass from his legs. My belly pressed against him before I had found his head, waiting at my entrance. His hips rose off the sofa, impatient and greedy.

Shuddering with long-awaited pleasure, I gently let him dip inside me--we both gasped--before I lifted myself back up, teasing him some more.

He was right about being savage--it was like he was barely human anymore, giving way for an animal counter-part.

He bared his teeth, growling when I didn't give him what he wanted.

His hands were becoming tighter, the one gripping my waist was sure to leave marks in my skin. But this is what I needed from him. To feel for once. Feel him instead of the rotting carcus of worry and despair.

As if he couldn't control himself anymore, he gripped my waist, guiding me back to where he needed me on him and forcing me down.

A loud groan erupted from his lips; an immensely pleasurable purr from my own to match.

"I-warned...you," he said grunted, breathing hard as I began to work in circles, rubbing myself against him but giratin my hips over his.

He took his hand back from my breast and gripped my hair, pulling my triumphant face down to his. With an animalistic surge inside me, I took his lips with mine. He was working with such passion that he was right--he was wild. I was rocking hard; gasping, pushing further.

I kissed, bit and licked; Edward grabbed me, kissed me, pulled me closer, growed at me angrily.

"Fuck," I gasped, my voice high and squeaky.

His tongue left a trail of fire between my breasts. He licked both of them, taking my nipples into his mouth, sucking, nibbling.

I didn't care that I was sore or we were acting freakishly like mating apes. I was hungry for it.

I gripped a fistful of hair, tugging his head back from my chest and planting my lips on his again, his groan reverberated through my skull.

I was leaking my moisture all over him; it dripped onto the sofa, leaving a moist patch in the fabric. It lubricated our connection; his cock gliding effortlessly in and out of my hole. Panting like I was winded, my tongue licked over his bottom lip before he pulled me back for more, catching my lip between his teeth. Our bodies still working feverishly for the release we both sought.

It was going too slow, though. I needed more speed before I lost my mind with this gradual build up of pressure inside me. Edward was struggling, his muscles were tense all over, his chest beaded with sweat. He wasn't going to last long. He voiced my thoughts a moment later as we continued to glower at each other.

"I won't last long. I can't." he said gruffly, his teeth gritted with strain, holding back.

I clenched my own teeth, grasping Edward's shoulders, my nails biting into his skin. My stomach flipped uncomfortably as Edward lifted me up with him--like your foot missing a step going up a flight of stairs. Our bodies twined passionately, he very dispassionately walked me to the dining room--the room we rarely went into or used--and sat me down on the edge of the heavy and vey unneccessary oak wood table.

He yanked my legs forward, giving him better access to my core before driving into me with more force. His eyes fiery--he hitched my leg onto his hip.

"Oh yes! Yes!" I gasped, this was a much better position.

The cold table on my back, the angle with which Edward was fucking me--it reminded me of our old times in Forks.

Like when we were making love in his kitchen, or at school, ontop of his desk.

"Fuucking....FUUUCKK!" Edward swore, prolonging the curse in a breathless growl.

I peaked and felt, with enormous pleasure as I clenched around his dick which throbbed inside me still. He came with me, letting out a desperate yell and swearing like a maniac as he emptied two weeks worth of pent-up rage, desire and stress inside me. My clit was still pulsing, my body over-heated and sweaty. I tried to sit up but Edward wouldn't have it. As if a mask had been removed, he looked down at me with his trade-mark expression of self-loathe.

"I told you we shouldn't have," he whispered, staring pointedly at my side where I knew he left welts from his nails.

Just as I had, yet I felt no remorse.

"But it was what we both needed." I reminded him breathlessly.

A crooked but relieved smile broke out over his usually weary face.

"Now we can get back to living, shall we?" I suggested, still catching my breath.

Edward swooped, winding his arms behind me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and let him lift me off the table. He kissed me sweetly and Edward-like now, a little less fury mingled than before.

"You hungry?" he asked, smiling against my lips.

I had forgotten the time and the day. Being couped up was not good for me. We had been tense for days, Edward and I. The thing he was afraid of giving me, turned out to be the antidote to all this fucking anxiety. I felt as though we had a brighter outlook. We could fix this mess.

"Starving." I answered with a grin.


	8. Regret

Disclaimer: I think I should mention that sadly, Twilight does not belong to me--none of it does. I'm just having fun fucking with the characters.

_Hey guys! Sorry I've been so long in updating IA:2 It's been busy but at least I have been updating my other junk. I should probably attempt another Blood Moon update next. I almost didn't touch this one as I'm quite infatuated with Ancient and Divine at the moment as it's turned smutty :)_

_Oh, and whats with all this censorship crap? It sucks, man! We're losing a buttload of great stories because someone is reporting inappropriate content in them. :( It's soo unfair. But unfortunately, it happens. And if it happens to IA, or any of my other fics, I'll try and find an alternative to post them. Probably Live Journal because Twilighted has SO many rules. I aint good at stickin' to em. ;)  
_

* * *

Edward has begun attending classes like normal now. Although he wouldn't admit it, I knew he was brewing a case of cabin fever being stuck inside with me all day long. I definitely had noticed how irritable he was getting, but the afternoon he arrived home from his first lecture in almost two weeks, he was radiant.

Since there had been no news from Charlie about Alec or Embry; we were both relaxed. We were both still extremely wary, but because neither of us had been approached or had seen anything suspicious, we were growing comfortable that it was possible they weren't interested in threatening me anymore.

I was less stressed now and I could go about life without that same dark shadow hanging over my head like I did back in Forks. I was free to feel safe, the way I _have a right_ to feel, especially in my own home, my own street.

Edward wasn't too happy with my confidence about leaving the house. He was reluctant to let me go anywhere without him but he knew he was probably acting irrational, blinded by anger for what _they_ had done to me and just worried about _me._ But assurance was all he needed.

After a few lengthy discussions, he was resigned to the fact that I would go out if I wanted to with his permission or not and that it would be better he just let me do what I want than have me sneak out like a rogue teen without him knowing where I am. He was much more averse to the idea than I was, but he grudgingly made a deal.

I told him he would have to get used to bargaining like this or he's end up a grumpy man by the end of the day.

I was in my second trimester of pregnancy and I was due for a sonogram at the end of the week. Edward was free as he didn't conduct any classes on Fridays. At 28 weeks, I was getting rather big and puffy, much to my own dismay and Edward's creepy smugness.

He must enjoy the idea he had metaphorically branded me with his spawn.

I couldn't help but feel an edge of pride though—Edward _was_ mine and now we were having a baby together. _I_ was having _Edward's_ baby. An accomplishment on my behalf, I thought.

By Friday, I'd grown positively giddy with the thought of seeing my child, growing and thriving inside of me. Every flutter on the inside of my tummy told me he was safe and happy there—I was almost afraid to have him out, but my swollen ankles told me otherwise.

Edward led me by hand down to the parking garage. I smirked up at the security cameras before plopping myself, ungracefully into the passenger seat as Edward held my door for me.

"Now, this will be a bit cold," the nurse warned me with a small smile and half-grimace.

She was a lovely lady, all motherly and tender-natured; a puff of almost white-blonde hair, short, stout body—like a tea pot—and big, kind brown eyes.

I smiled up at her as she squeezed the gel onto my pelvis, capped the tube then began to press down on my stomach, probing with the machine.

We were in a small room, surrounded by pink walls and floral wall paper; a calming atmosphere but very cliché for a pregnancy ward in a health clinic. It was a bit uncomfortable as she pressed; my bladder was full at the moment and I was about to burst.

Edward stood to my left side, admiring my swollen belly and glancing up at my face then at the machine that was turned away from us. The nurse smiled gently at us both, a warm silence flowing throughout the room.

I sighed impatiently, a gnawing worry in the back of my head—she was being rather quiet as she stared at the screen.

I chanced a look at Edward with my brows furrowed; his hand clenched around mine in comfort, his other rested on my forehead, smoothing my hair.

"Is...everything alright?" I stammered in a shaky voice.

The nurse frowned at the screen and squinted her eyes.

"The heart beat," she muttered to herself.

I stared at her, horrified.

No heart beat? My eyes swam with tears so quick and so ferocious. I was overcome with grief that I felt I might pass out.

"I can't..." she was shaking her head and her own eyes were filled with the worry I didn't want to see.

Edward was squeezing my hand so tight it hurt but I was squeezing back just as hard. He was staring at me hard, his other hand stroking my face, trying to calm, but his gestures were in vain if what I thought was happening was actually happening.

It can't be! It cant—

"Ah, there!" The kind woman rejoiced.

I could hear her own relief as she turned the screen in our direction.

"She was a tricky thing to find, that one." She smiled, her hand trembling slightly on the monitor.

I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand, tears of joy replacing the grief-filled ones.

So small, insignificant and oblivious—but _so beautiful._

My hand reached out involuntarily to touch the black and white wash with my finger tips.

"She?" Edward choked out, his own voice cracking.

I glanced up just as he scrubbed his face of any trace of tears.

"It's a girl?" he pressed.

The practitioner grinned and nodded, patted me on the hand and murmured something quietly to Edward.

"I'll give you two a minute of privacy." She chuckled lightly as she left the room.

"She's so...she's..." my lip trembled and I couldn't help but weep.

"Oh my god! I'm such a baby." I muttered but smiled despite myself.

Edward was ecstatic, grinning from ear to ear like some cartoon character before he leant down and placed a hearty kiss on my lips, then my nose and my forehead.

"She's gorgeous." He provided for my broken sentence.

I nodded as he leant his cheek against mine as we both stared, fawning over our baby girl. I felt a hot tear slide out the corner of my eye.

"She is."

* * *

I kept a copy of Bella's ultrasound in my wallet, next to a picture of Bella herself, sunlit hair with a small baby bump and rosy cheeks.

Everything I loved all stored safely in my back pocket. Yet I couldn't help myself as I reached into my pants to retrieve it and show it off to Carmen as she passed my emptying Vic Lit class the next Wednesday.

She popped her head in through the door, a devious yet inquisitive smile on her red-lipstick-ed mouth.

"What's up, Cull?" she asked casually, taking a seat in one of my student's desks, crossing her legs and folding her arms nonchalantly.

I grinned and held the black and white photograph before her eyes which grew instantly wide and watery the moment they fell upon it.

She took it from me, wordlessly, her lip pouting and shaking dramatically.

She shook her head and breathed laughs of glee.

"Absolutely stunning—that's some good genes you got there, Cull." She winked as she stood from the desk.

I took it back and replaced it into my wallet before placing it back on my desk.

"I suppose you'll eventually want to ask me to...you know..." she sighed theatrically, feigning exasperation and impatience.

"Ask me to be the cherub's godmother, am I right? I mean, I probably won't have time..." she trailed off, avoiding my eyes jokingly as she scuffed the floor with her black pump.

I laughed easily and light-hearted, grasping her hint.

"Would you, Carmen, my lovely Carmen, like to be my little girl's godmother?" I requested, kneeling like I was proposing.

"Well I don't know, Edward." She scratched the back of her head before squealing and slapping me on the cheek in a show of camaraderie.

"Of course I will!"

I could still hear her as she disappeared down the hall. I chuckled to myself and turned back to my splayed paper work and text books. I needed to return some assignments then draft the outline of the next one, whilst planning my next tutorial.

I sighed, but was anxious to get home to my budding family before dinner time, so I threw everything carelessly together and inside my briefcase when I heard an unexpected knock at the door. It echoed, knuckles to wood through the theatre-esque lecture room.

I glanced to the door and realised one of my students, Heidi, waiting for permission to enter.

"Come in, Heidi. What can I do for you?" I murmured distractedly but with a congenial smile on my face.

I grasped the board eraser and hurriedly wiped down the blackboard, chalk dust covering my hands.

"Um, professor?" she began and I turned around at the tone in her voice.

I glanced to the door and noticed she had closed it behind her.

She placed a manicured hand on the hard, dark wooden desk and stared up at me from under her lashes. I realised she was wearing an extremely skimpy outfit for the season as it was closing in on Winter but then thought that I'd rather not know why.

"I had a question..." she said evasively.

I gulped, but decided to give her the benefit of the doubt as I was in such a buoyant mood, or had been before she arrived.

"What was it you wanted to ask? Is it about your next assignment because I haven't written it out yet." I offered, turning my attention studiously to my scattered papers and began hastily gathering them up in my arms.

"Well...actually...I was wondering if..." she shrugged her shoulders delicately, removing her hand and standing up straight before she began to stalk me around the desk like a cheetah.

Her spaghetti straps were sliding off her shoulders but she wasn't moving them.

She flipped her long blonde hair back over her shoulder and let her flimsy, white cotton top slide a bit further down her chest until one of her nipples peeked out—she wasn't wearing a bra and I was growing nervous and a little disappointed in her.

I definitely didn't like where this conversation was going.

"I mean..." she started again, licking her glossy lips and gazing at me hungrily as I held my papers in front of my chest as a shield.

"I know you've been looking at me—"

"Heidi!" I was stern and authoritative now.

"I'm sorry if you've misconstrued something, but you are severely misunderstood. I am a soon-to-be-married man, happy—and _you_ are my _student_." I couldn't help but feel reminiscent of the time I was spewing the same words to Bella back at Forks High—only this time, I _wasn't_ lying through my teeth to protect us both.

The last remnants of sun streamed through the windows to the right side of the theatre; it gave the room an orange glow and made Heidi's fake tan even more noticeable.

"Oh, I know that," she supplied, looking worried that _I'd_ misunderstood _her._

"It's okay—nobody would have to find out. You can keep your job and your fiancée will never have to know you're attracted to another woman." She whispered conspiratorially.

"That's enough, Heidi." I said, warning in my voice.

I held up a palm to her to try to keep her from advancing but she just tried to grasp it tenderly with her own so I recoiled, still backing up.

"Come _on_, Professor! Edward." She smirked, her eyes hooded and lust-filled as she unabashedly grazed her eyes over my body.

I felt dirty just from having her look at me like that.

"This is getting out of hand, you are extremely misguided, Heidi if you think all those things." I said, my voice construing my annoyance and anger.

"See? Who else could get such a rise out of you?" she sounded deranged now, not only horny.

Her mini skirt was riding up her thighs and a peek of her panties showed.

I grimaced and ran a frustrated hand through my hair—this could not end well.

"Please, Miss. Denali." I went for the softer, more understanding approach to try to get her away from me, but it somehow egged her on further.

She smiled wider, reaching out with a whip of her hand and grabbing my crotch through my slacks. I jumped and shoved her arm away, worried that I'd actually sprained her wrist with my excessive force.

"Are you hard for me?" she breathed, rubbing in between her legs as she continued to move closer.

"Mmm..." she moaned, moving her other hand to her top and pulling it down far enough to reveal both her breasts.

"Heidi, stop. This is wrong." I was trying to contain my voice from a yell.

"Let's fuck like animals, right here, I need you Edward!" she begged breathlessly, her hands moving underneath her skirt to remove her panties.

"Fucking stop it! I'm not attracted to you and I never will be!" I hissed, outraged.

She glanced up at me with narrowed eyes.

"Of course you are, you just don't know it yet—touch your cock, touch it for me," she went on.

She began caterwauling and stroking herself obscenely.

"Heidi! NO!"

She stopped what she was doing to glare at me; then her eyes flickered to my open wallet on the desk, the pictures it held—revealed to her.

She snatched it up with her hands and scowled at the pictures.

"She's fat and ugly—how can you love her when she looks so fucking disgusting?" she spouted ridiculously.

Rage boiled in my veins like molten led. I thumped my fist hard on the desk.

"That's enough!" I yelled, spitting with anger.

"Get out!" I grabbed my wallet from her clutches, pointing with my other hand to the door.

She huffed angrily then advanced faster, poking me hard in the chest with spluttering indignation.

"You _will_ realise she's not perfect for you. You'll get sick of her when she gets too fat to stand up—when that happens, _I'll_ be there!" she growled before spinning on her heel.

"That will _never _happen, Heidi, so I suggest you forget about whatever delusions you have running rampant inside your tiny little fucking head!" I barked—aware of how course and rude I may be coming off as.

I should have articulated a rejection better, but she was speaking about Bella in such a way that made me forget politeness and act like anyone would when someone was verbally bashing their fiancée.

"I don't find you beautiful or attractive. If anything, I find you a little pathetic." I spat, staring pitifully at her, my good mood from earlier completely annihilated from her presence.

Then to top it off, "And don't you _dare_ speak about my fiancée like that again. I don't want to see your face in this office, or any of my classes for that matter, ever." I ordered.

Tears sprung in her eyes and I wasn't even close to feeling remorse for what I'd said—maybe I would later, but that was only until she turned and shoved all of my belongings onto the floor as she walked out.

"You'll regret this," she muttered darkly before disappearing out the door, the slam echoed dismally around me.

I sighed and slumped against the wall I had been backed into, exhausted and infuriated as well as concerned.

* * *

I had pledged to take another field trip to the university with Edward, anxious to see Carmen again and giddy with excitement to discuss her 'godmother-ship' over—sigh—a herbal tea and hopefully a snickers bar.

Edward was a smidge reserved, however, when I offered to accompany him the following day, but I didn't ask why and he didn't refuse me. Although I guess the only reason he let me come was to avoid suspicion—I'd ask questions if he said no.

Nevertheless, despite his attempts at nonchalance, I was still suspicious of his nervous behaviour. He was still positively glowing about the baby and flaunting the sonogram picture whenever he got the chance, but there was also an edge of frustration—he was hiding something from me.

Once we left the car, Edward remembered he forgot something and advised me to go into the library to have a browse while I waited for him to come back—he didn't like the thought of me waiting outside in the open without his company especially after what happened some weeks back and the incident when someone grabbed me.

Even if I was out in the open, he worried so I placated his fears and entered the library. I was glad I did as I perused the many, many aisles, impressed and astounded with the sheer size and quantity of books.

A lot of them were text books, but the good literature was still present, even my favourites. I loved the Bronte sisters and found myself drooling over every copy, hard-backed and crisp.

I was slowly working my way around to Shakespeare when someone nudged my elbow. I started, thinking I was alone, or at least partially. I looked into the eyes of one of Edward's students. The lovely Heidi girl—the one that had spoken to me outside of one of his Q and A's, the day we had that tremendous fight. I shuddered to think back on that day, even if the temporary animosity only lasted a few hours—I hated to remember such a day.

I smiled kindly at her.

"Um, Heidi, right? I remember you," I held out my hand for her to shake but she just stared at it, confused.

Her brow was furrowed and she glanced back over her shoulder, behind me, in every other direction and then to my face as if she was checking we were absolutely alone.

She reached a tentative hand out and placed it on my shoulder in a bizarre sign a detached sign of comfort. Like she was a doctor giving me bad news. I frowned at her, feeling more confused than she looked.

"Are-Are you alright? I mean—you actually want to speak to me? After...after everything?" she asked, shaking her head and smiling at me admirably.

"Uh," I was _extremely_ fucking confused now.

"What?" I laughed a little as I had no idea what she was trying to say or what on Earth she was talking about.

Anyone would think I had just lost a beloved pet, or family member.

"Why wouldn't I want to speak to you?" I ventured, curious and oblivious as to what the problem was.

Heidi sighed, looking a little sheepish.

I bit my lip and waited patiently. She squeezed my shoulder for emphasis.

"You know—you're..." she chuckled a little and shrugged.

"You're ex-boyfriend." She sighed again, a little dreamily.

"Ex-boyfriend? I don't have an ex-boyfriend, Heidi." I laughed.

"So, whatever you feel guilty about—you're mistaken. I've only ever been with Professor Cullen." I explained sweetly.

Her expression turned to pity again.

"That's who I meant. I'm so sorry about it, too. I hope we don't have any hard feelings between us?"

I was growing suspicious now—was she playing a joke? Make the pregnant woman rage?

"Uh, no—we haven't broken up. There's nothing wrong, I'm-I'm fine." I assured her.

She shook her head and grimaced as if she knew something I didn't.

"Honey—he said he was going to break it off with you. He told me."

I stared.

"Why would he tell you something like that?" That was absurd; Edward couldn't possibly...? I mean, I have complete faith in him—surely!

But then...why had he been so sheepish yesterday and last night? This morning? Was _that_ what he wasn't telling me? Was he planning on leaving me?

_Impossible!_ But that didn't stop my heart from beating out of my chest and my stomach from churning uncomfortably.

"Because he's leaving you for me." She stated simply, as if she was explaining addition to a pre-schooler.

I began to shake my head in denial. Who did this woman think she was?

"Why would—Edward would never—it's not true—it couldn't be...!"

Heidi just watched me carefully as if I was going to explode like a pipe bomb. Which was quite possible.

"Bella," someone breathed from the aisle next to us.

Edward appeared behind Heidi, his face even until he saw Heidi and the tears of frustration and denial threatening to stream down my cheeks.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded angrily, striding towards me.

"I was breaking the news of your break-up to your fiancée, of course. She didn't know what happened between us yesterday." She smiled lovingly at Edward who balked at her, glowering intensely into her brown eyes.

"I thought I told you I never wanted to see you again—and now I find you're harassing my fiancée?" his flat tone only slightly veiled his underlying fury.

Her hand tightened on my shoulder and her nails dug in as she glared up at Edward. I made a noise of surprise—Edward grasped Heidi's wrist and flung it off me, moving in between us.

"Is that all true?" I asked in a small, hurt voice.

Edward turned his face in my direction, his expression pained and angry at the same time—he radiated the fierce protectiveness he always had with me around aggressive people.

"She tried to force herself on me yesterday, it's true. She got offended when I rejected her and stormed off—nothing happened and she can't _accept that._" He finished the last two words with extra volume, turning towards Heidi who stared at me like I was a parasite.

Edward snapped his fingers in front of her face, diverting her attention from me.

"Leave her out of this—you need to leave right now before I call campus security." He ordered and I heard the vile hatred seep into his tone.

Of course it wasn't true—that moment of doubt I had in Edward shamed me to the core. I should have known he wouldn't touch a girl such as this—the kind, beautiful creature that he was would never like something so malicious.

Heidi had tears running down her face.

"I told you, you'd regret this—"

"Do _not_ threaten me!" he bellowed.

Heidi sobbed and dashed off in the other direction, her hair flicking wildly in the wake of her furious figure.

"Never, ever, ever, ever...ever, ever..._Ever!"_ Edward kept promising me, his hands on my knees as I sat in a desk at the front of his lecture theatre.

We were very much alone but there were only a few minutes until class began. I could hear the thunder of rain outside, deafening in the high-ceiling hallways but muted inside the classroom.

"Never, ever—"

"Alright, Edward—I get it." I told him, patting his hand as he squeezed my knees tenderly.

He looked up at me, anguished and I put more feeling into my understanding.

"I'm sorry—It's okay, I believe you. I should have known you wouldn't—otherwise you'd have awful taste."

Edward chuckled shakily and kissed me clumsily on the mouth.

"I love you, Bella." He murmured against my lips.

I hummed in the sensation but it was cut short when we heard footsteps nearing. I would be sitting in on this lecture in particular and then we would be breaking for lunch. I was starving already—cravings for a big, mighty, greasy hotdog sprang to mind and I was mostly occupied for an hour. I drew a street-side hotdog stand in a notepad Edward gave me to look like I belonged—spare the baby belly—complete with the umbrella and a fat man with a moustache.

I was humming under my breath, careful not to disrupt Edward's teachings when the door swung open and in walked slut-incarnate. I was still shaken from the library scene so I was none too pleased to see her here. Edward's mouth dropped open—he hadn't expected her to disobey his requests twice. I glanced between them and noticed that Heidi was soaked from the rain outside, mud covering her shoes and half-way up her legs.

She was shaking as she slammed the door behind her, her bag hanging off her elbow. She was panting and looking considerably insane. She was also smiling deliriously, her hands behind her as she leaned back casually against the heavy wooden door.

Just as Edward was about to dismiss her again—she yelled.

"Shut up!"

She shoved her hand in her bag and revealed something that made my blood run cold.

"Everybody shut _up!"_ she screamed although no-one had made a peep.

She waved a gun around in the air, pointing to everyone around the room before resting it on me.


	9. Loss

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight, that belongs to SM (psst, I own Scholarward and he'll give you a detention if you don't read and review)

;)

-birobird xoxox

* * *

Edward paled; his eyes flashing and darkening with unbridled fear and rage.

My eyes flicked to his in question before resting solely on the gun aimed at my chest.

Heidi stood there, deranged and swaying like a blade of grass in the wind. But nothing about her seemed graceful, everything shouted anger and delusion. I gulped down the throb of terror in my throat. I couldn't bear the mere sight of a weapon.

A weapon pointed at me; putting me in mortal danger...my _baby_.

My face felt hot and cold at the same time. The course rush of blood through my body echoed in my ears like a harsh drum. And yet I felt as cold as if I had no blood at all; like a shell of ice.

My limbs were stiff and yet they shook with each tremor of horror that rocked through me.

I stared.

Heidi sneered at me, her mascara smudged from tears and her face wet from the rain.

The hand she held with the gun was quaking but she held it strong in my direction.

"_No_." Edward breathed, his arms stretched unconsciously.

He was blinking rapidly, his chest heaving in distress and his eyes wild.

"Look at me!" Heidi shrieked.

I jerked in shock, my heart hammering in double time, pounding loudly in my ears; deafening.

Flutters; tight and anxious brushed beneath my navel.

I slowly reached a hand to shield my stomach, to calm my baby; hoplessly.

I clutched at the fabric sheathing my torso while Heidi glared, her breaths slowing and her body shaking in rapid succession. Her sneer turned into a lop-sided smile.

There was an eerie silence, a gap between breaths where not a word or noise was uttered. In the absence of sanity lies the silence of dread. And while I couldn't find a bone inside my body that could hate this woman more; she began to laugh.

A terrible, jagged, choking laugh.

Insane.

Her brown eyes narrowed in detestation, the golden flecks in her irises glowed with her fury.

They combed over my trembling form in disgust, the gun now raised in line with my forehead.

A step closer, she took--her body radiated her contempt, her loathe. I breathed in and out slowly, my eyes blinking to dispel the tears welling there. I heard Edward take another step in our direction. Would he attempt to stop this? He could get hurt--we both could.

We could both die.

"You." she finally sobbed, her mouth stretching into a merciless scowl.

"You took something from...m-me." she spat through her tears.

"_Stand up!" _she screamed.

I obliged but my knees were weak and I doubted they could hold my weight for long. I felt the urge to fall in a limp heap on the floor. But the look in Heidi's eyes held me frozen in place.

She grabbed my wrist and pulled me to her.

"NO!" Edward roared.

"_NO!_" desperate and pleading almost, but laced with a tangible anger; an abborhence.

"Stop!" Heidi ordered sharply, turning me around in a circle to face my fiancee.

"Stop. Right. There." she seethed, anunciating each word with a jab to the middle of my back.

I started once I realised it was the barrel of the gun.

Edward stopped in his tracks; all the calm leeched from his eyes, all his panic had poisoned his body, tensing it all over. He stood wooden, fists tight, the tendons in his neck protruding from his skin. The skin stretched so tight over his knuckles.

Heidi's hot breath hit the back of my neck. I remembered the way I felt back in Forks; the way I'd felt when I could feel the warmth of life leaving my body. As if I was standing on a rocky precipice, feeling the cold Pacific winds strain heat from inside me.

Inside, my heart was clenching and releasing painfully.

It wanted me to run. I should have run.

Everything felt sharp and blinding to me. The lights stung my watery eyes. Glancing out of the corner of my eye, I watched everyone sitting still like carved ornaments. Too shocked to comprehend. Too scared to act.

"Please," I whispered desperately.

The hard metal pressed into my spine shuddered but held strong.

Her resolve hadn't wavered.

"Heidi." Edward breathed slowly.

"You don't have to do this--"

"You humiliated me!" she screamed, the screech ringing harshly in my ears.

"I'm sorry," Edward murmured in despair.

Heidi rocked back on her heels, sauntering slowly around me. The gun grazed across my back, horizontally. I shivered and gulped. She stopped at my side, nudging me between the ribs, her left hand clutching my right shoulder. Standing a few inches above my own head, she glared down at me again before locking eyes with Edward.

They narrowed infinitesimally.

"You didn't treat me well, Edward--what am I supposed to do now?" she pouted.

Edward dropped his hands, but continued his slow approach in the pretense of serving her an apology.

"I know," he agreed enthusiastically, nodding his head.

His nervous eyes flicked over me once more.

"But Bella has nothing to do with it."

_Mistake!_

"Don't call her that." Heidi growled.

"She doesn't deserve a name. And if you're really sorry you won't address her anymore." she requested, lifting her chin and squaring her shoulders.

She tucked her damp hair behind her ear with her free hand. She placed it back on my shoulder, the grasp harder than before. She dug her nails into my skin and I winced, trying to maintain a normal facade without stressing Edward.

If he was going to be negotiating with a mad woman, he couldn't be distracted.

He'd lose her trust and that would be it.

Keeping my face straight as possible, I watched as Edward took another tentative step closer, merely four feet away now.

"I apologise, Heidi--sweetheart," he swallowed.

"But as you can see--I have a class...should we take this to somewhere more private? Just the two of us?" he suggested with a slight nod, smiling painfully.

His hardened eyes glanced in my direction once more.

"Leave B-_her_ here. She doesn't need to come between us anymore." he offered while Heidi's features lit up.

"No..." she muttered uncertainly.

Turning her head to the left, she addressed the rest of the students; some of them I assumed, used to be her friends. What must they be thinking? Had they known she capable of this?

"If you will all leave and give us some privacy, please!" she called out, quick, staccato.

"Proceed out of the exits,"

Glancing worriedly at eachother, the class complied eagerly, casting terrified looks at their professor and me. Huddling in close groups, they shuffled towards the doors, their legs carrying them faster once they were outside. I saw them break into a run. They were safe; I would not have to shoulder guilt if any of them were hurt. They were my age and older, but they felt like children to me. I couldn't imagine a tragedy such as a dead child. My palm rested on my stomach, the other laid limp at my side. That would be the greatest form of punishment wouldn't it? Losing your own.

Heidi released me from her grip and stalked to the door, the once full room silent again, not even the sound of footsteps to break the quiet.

Edward looked at me fully then, dipping his head subtly.

His eyes spoke to me, more than words could. I held onto it. A muscle in his jaw jumped as he clenched his teeth together.

I blinked, lowering my head to return the sentiment.

The police would have been alerted by now--it was only a matter of time; time that I was certainly running short of.

How long would it take to convince Heidi to let it go? Would we even get that far before she pulled the trigger?

I felt her burning gaze; it ate through my nerves like acid through metal.

She advanced to my side, her fingers curling around my arm, just above my elbow. I sensed she was very sceptical of Edward's sudden change of his mind, but nothing stopped the hope from brightening her soulless eyes.

I had seen evil; it all appeared in different shades.

Heidi threw off a malevolent dark hue; like she swallowed up the light. I'm sure she wasn't always this way--she'd been mislead by her own emotions and the object of her affections may be the one to pay the price.

I knew that taking me from Edward would not only mean the end for me. Despite the dread the thought layered in my heart, I knew undoubtedly that Edward would try to take his life if I lost my own. It wasn't unusual; life was cruel enough to take our lovers, friends, our family. The best way to ruin his life would be to remove me from it.

But Heidi remained oblivious to this fact; blinded by delusions of lust and love she thought existed between herself and Edward.

She believed I was nothing--Edward was trying to make her believe this, possibly the only way to persuade her into letting me go.

She stayed ignorant, probably acting smarter than I thought. She knew Edward wasn't being entirely truthful. She needed leverage, just in case. She was on the summit, she could fall either way; she could swallow the lie or she could realise the ruse.

She could snap.

I sent a silent promise to my baby.

_You're not going to have the world taken from you before you see it._

With every fibre inside me, I willed a future for my baby girl; imagining it.

"Help me out here, baby," Heidi purred.

"Tell me you want me...and I might believe you." her voice was still thick from her hysterical tears.

"Say what you want, what you love...about me..." she smiled.

Edward trained his eyes to hers.

"You're intelligent, unlike anyone I've ever known," he clenched his eyes shut.

"You're beautiful, ethereal; theres something so...pure about you. I can't begin to describe it. You're so simple, every curve of your body and every word from your mind, it _seems_ simple, but at the same time, it speaks miles and then it's impossible to know the extent of how _complex_ you are." he whispered, eyes tightly shut, brows furrowed in concentration.

Heidi stared adoringly at him as I watched tearfully.

"You're a walking contradiction. You think of yourself as one way, but never realise you are the complete opposite."

"I want to love, protect and care for you for the rest of my life; you bring out aspects of my personality, I never knew existed. I know what it is to be liked, to be known--but nothing of popularity compares to recieving a glowing smile from you." he went on, murmuring softly it was as if he had this rehearsed.

It was perfect and precise, like out of a written text; but I'd never heard of something so beautiful.

"I live now, only because you do." his voice failed and his mouth tightened.

He opened his eyes, staring at the floor.

"I'd fight with you, I'd bleed for you, I'd do more than die, but endure the worst pain imaginable for you. It sounds irrational, and most people might promise this to their partners, but my promises go deeper than that."

"I've endured unimaginable pain from being apart from you. I fight a daily battle to keep you, to make myself worthy. Dying an old man after living a long and happy life with you would complete everything. I'd be lucky to have had a mere day."

"But mostly...it's because you're _you_. And without you, there's no _me."_

Heidi covered her slack mouth with her hand, tears springing upon her now dry face.

I felt his words, so perfect, stream through my body like a calm wave, a caress of tenderness.

His eyes strayed unintentionally from the floor, to my own eyes. Heidi loosened her hold on me, shoving me out of the way. I stumbled but kept myself vertical while she flung herself at Edward, wrapping her arms around his neck as she pressed her lips to his.

Fierce posessiveness stabbed through my heart, but I knew I could do nothing about it; that fact was possibly worse to ponder.

Edward had his eyes open and on me throughout their one-sided embrace.

The gun hung limply in Heidi's hand and I noticed the opportunity.

* * *

EPOV

She had a gun to Bella. A _gun_.

The rage was palpable; it was like a seperate entity, another side of me that only appeared where Bella was concerned.

I had gone to great lengths to prevent any danger from coming to my fiancee, and after Alec and Embry were released, I hadn't been able to sleep or operate right. At any capacity.

I was afraid I wasn't capable of protecting Bella and our unborn baby; all because of the incapacitating fear of losing them.

I saw red as Heidi nudged the barrell into her ribs. Bella exhibited a minor reaction, but kept it almost completely veiled.

I wanted to run, I wanted to fight, I wanted to yell and scream and kill. But one thing remained: Heidi held Bella's life in her hands. And that was unacceptable. This situation was so backwards, so surreal that I couldn't find how anything was real.

There was no possible way Bella could be taken from me; after every trial we'd been through together.

As if our past in Forks wasn't enough, we had somehow merited enough punishment to recieve such grief again.

Was it a cruel game played by the Gods? Was someone waiting to see how long we could survive this brutality before we totally lost control? I didn't find the humour in it.

And I most certainly couldn't figure out why Bella must be punished too. It was I who had coveted her, when she was too young. But the only way to truly make me suffer was through her.

The world had a poignant way of treating people. There couldn't be so much agony reserved for us, it wasn't fair.

But it was true, that the good died young, the good suffered through hell, the good endured the worst.

I hated God right now.

Couldn't the ailments be preserved for the evil?

I suppose it would be utter callous justice for all my sins, to lose the very thing I sinned for. But looking at her fragile face, her belly swollen with my child--how could that be a sin?

She felt like a gift, it all did. Maybe I had recieved too much in my time; I'd outlived my time for bliss.

Heidi asked me what I loved about her; with Bella in mind, I described in detail, exactly what I felt.

I recited my Wedding vows.

Within the moments I spoke the words aloud, I couldn't help but think about what had caused this turmoil.

Had I been a rational adult, I would never have been tempted to attempt a relationship with a student. Had I been smart, I would have ordered a transfer from Forks High, claiming some hefty excuse. I didn't have to fall in love with Isabella Swan.

I wouldn't have her in danger, I wouldn't have my baby in danger. The worst that could happen to me if I was living back in Chicago, or Vermont, or Florida is that I wouldn't have a date on a Friday night. I wouldn't be battling with every fiery urge within my body, telling me to slaughter someone to protect _her._

_She _is the reason I do _anything._

I wouldn't be stuck in a life or death situation; I wouldn't be agonising over every wince she made, every tear that slid from the corner of her eye in fear of her life.

I wouldn't be in a state of unbearable suffering! She wouldn't invade every thought I had. She wouldn't make me want her constant her closeness, wouldn't cause me to go insane with desire over her. I'd be alone, but I would be fine.

Because I wouldn't know what I had missed.

I thought back to the night I admitted I loved Bella. I _hated_ her.

_I hate her now._

I looked at her, my heart thumping erratically, and I knew that I hated her.

I hated her so much; she had to walk into my life the way she did, and change me. She had to ruin me, make me a better man, make me an insanely posessive, jealous, adoring man.

And just like then, I hated her for making me love her so much.

Because now that I loved her beyond anything, it would feel all the more excruciating to be without her.

_I can't lose her_.

I finished my sentence, feeling furious and disgusted at the same time; those words were meant for my wife, on a day of celebration, not in an attempt to placate my manic admirer.

Heidi ran at me, her arms wide and accepting. Frantic and impressed, she placed her mouth hungrily upon my own.

I held her body close to mine; not in pleasure or tenderness, to restrain her.

I opened my eyes, locking gazes with Bella, pale and drawn, eyes ringed with red and weak knees, shoulders slumped and hands clutching at her stomach.

I had enough fear in my system to last me a lifetime.

I was doing this for them both.

_My Bella and my Baby._

I tightened my hold on Heidi, tight enough so that she would find it difficult to manouevre.

Bella stumbled forward and the moment her hand reach Heidi's, my stomach dropped to my feet, my heart stopped and my skin broke into a cold sweat.

Heidi kneed me in the crotch, releasing my hold on her.

Mortified at my weakness, I tried to stand up straight as Bella grasped Heidi's wrist over my shoulder. Heidi wailed.

"You liar! You're trying to help her!"

She jumped out of my way, wrestling Bella for the gun.

Their arms stretched high above their bodies, they cried and tried to gain the advantage over the other.

"It's over, Heidi!" Bella cried, scrambling for the weapon.

I moved closer, I would tackle Heidi.

I coiled like a spring, they wrestled, their arms swinging this way and that before pointing in my direction; then, bang.

My skull felt like it imploded, searing pain, followed by a frightening numbness.

My ears felt like they were stopped up with cotton. The air rushed out of my lungs, and I couldn't draw in another.

I wasn't about to lose Bella the way I thought.

_She_ was losing _me_.


	10. In light of events

_You only have yourselve's to blame, really you guys. :)_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but Scholarward can come over to my house any time for a spanking._

* * *

The bang rang in my ears and I didn't register what that sound meant until I saw him collapse.

I felt as if the floor had been ripped from under my feet and I was standing between two points.

Between falling and gaining stability. I was quickly losing my grip.

My chest was too tight and I couldn't breathe, a horrified scream raked up and down my throat, echoing in the large classroom. There was banging on the door, but everything else was too silent.

I couldn't stand this, I couldn't live.

Edward fell limply to the floor, eyes closed with skin as pale as death.

Heidi was shaking all over, staring at her hand in shock at what she'd done. I backed away, stumbling over my own feet, mouth agape.

"No, no, no!" I cried, throwing myself at Edward's unmoving form.

Blood stained his shirt, running profusely from his head; there was too much to tell where the source was. It coloured his face scarlet, dripping from his chin and neck onto the floor, coating my quaking fingers.

I screamed again.

"Help!" I was crying, hysterical.

My heart was breaking and I couldn't draw in a breath. The nervous flutters in my stomach turned into violent kicks; she knew something was wrong with her Daddy.

The door began to splinter; someone was trying to pound their way inside. The authorities must have been alerted.

"Help!" I drew it out, strangled and gutwrenching.

I felt as though I was stuck in a horror film, or a drama--the drawn, terrified faces of the actors could not describe the intense agony. To tear me limb from limb would hurt less and I wished that were happening instead of what was.

"Edward," I sobbed, cradling his damp head in my arms.

Kneeling at his shoulders, I stroked his hair, matted with blood and rocked back and forth. I shook with each sob, feeling a nauseated sensation tingling in my stomach.

I pressed my middle and forefinger under his jaw, searching helplessly for a pulse.

I was panicked and desperate, pleading the for the heavens to grant me some leniency.

"Don't do this to me!" I screamed, at Edward this time.

"You bastard, you can't leave me here!"

There was a rush of footsteps, a great loud crashing noise and Heidi shrieking in response.

I didn't look up from Edward's face, so still and serene.

"I'm sorry, I'm--oh god!" Heidi whimpered as a crowd of people stomped closer.

I heard the metallic clank of the gun being dropped from her grasp, more grunting and cries of shock resounded through the air, sharp and cutting. I was shaking my head vehemently, tears blinding me when someone tried to gently extracate me from my fiancee.

"Save him," I choked before I felt the floor completely disappear.

I was falling into a blackness so deep I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

* * *

I lurked in the darkness.

Leaves and bracken crunched under my boots as I shifted my weight from my left foot to my right. I was late afternoon and the first lights were flickering on inside the distant building.

The courtyard, dotted with picnic tables and concrete paths, was scattered with dozens of terrified students. Some wore expressions of fear, some wore grief--all for their fallen friend. Their beloved Professor Cullen.

The skeletal branches, stripped of their colourful foliage with the wake of Autumn, swayed with the subtle winds billowing throughout the city. They partially obscured my view of the commotion, but I had to remain hidden.

The first signs of life emerged from the building, the double-door exit opened, spilling a fluorescent glow into the dimness outside.

Sirens blared, signalling the arrival of the second Ambulance. I craned my neck in the opposite direction as they pulled swiftly into the closest parking lot; a convenience that it was near the class room where everything occured.

I watched, enraptured and curious.

Could it have all gone to plan? Like I wanted it?

Cries and gasps of shock resonated between the brick walls surrounding the small quad; the noise never died out while a gurney was pushed from inside. Casting a second glance back to the paramedics that just arrived, they had both ducked out of their seats and began wheeling a second gurney across the grounds toward the crowds.

While the two men parted the throngs of worried on-lookers like the Red Sea, another made it's way through in the opposite direction.

I noticed immedeately who was on it.

As much as I wanted to approach, I knew I couldn't. Just in case.

The bronze hair was all I needed to identify the casualty, attached to a sharp, pale face; easily discernable even from my distance. Although I could not hear what they were saying, their hasty, grim tones of voice told me it was not good.

Good for him, that is.

_Poor, poor Professor Cullen._

Chaos broke out, people started crying and shrieking in shock at the morbid sight of their mentor.

They carted him off and out of sight towards the emergency vehicle. I picked at my nails as I waited for her to appear. Lights; blue and red swirled over the grass and across the windows, reflecting the colours and every single daunted face back at us.

Another round of gasps was met with the appearance of the second gurney, carrying none other than Isabella Swan--Professor Cullen's soon-to-be wife, so I've heard. Her long brown, chestnut hair was spread across the pillow holding her head up. She looked peaceful, serene, but the image was blemished by the macabre blotches of blood up her arms and on her clothes.

I only heard one gunshot; so she must have suffered from shock.

A young woman wearing a uniform pressed an oxygen mask to her face which was ashen and sweaty despite the low temperature of the day, drawing close to evening.

"Young woman, early twenties, roughly 30 weeks pregnant and in shock, no sign of obvious injury or wounds." she grated out.

A man gripped the metal framed bed with firm hands, steering it through to the parking lot while mortified witnesses scurried out of the way, cupping hands over gaping mouths.

Isabella's arms lay limp at her sides, a baby bump protruding quite obviously from her abdomen.

The child she beared was a big part of this, and luckily everything was going to plan.

She disappeared in the same direction as her fiancee. Sirens blared, winding up again as both vehicles left the area, the sounds fading into the distance.

I continued to watch, unnoticed, as two more men came forth, police men, forcefully restraining a blonde woman. Her presence met with nothing but shouts and cries of hatred and animosity.

Red faced and wheeping, she was escorted across the grounds by the officers.

She recieved a wave of fiery loathe from everyone surrounding her, words of pure hostility and disbelief at what she'd done.

I smiled, every piece was falling neatly into place, exactly how I had expected it to.

I moved the branches out of the way, my shield and casually rejoined the crowds of dismayed pupils, blending in instantly with a sombre expression and hunched shoulders.

* * *

I took a longer drag from the cigarette between my fingers, savouring the last inhale as I prepared to meet with her.

I blew the puff of smoke out of the corner of my mouth, flicking the butt onto the pavement and stepping my foot onto it. I shoved my hands back into my pockets, taking in a deep lungful of air. The night was chilly and damp; common weather for Seattle.

I was procrastinating.

I was still edgy about entering cop-shops. I knew it was extremely unlikely I'd be recognised, but that didn't stop me from feeling paranoid. It's not like I was doing anything wrong--that they knew and suspected me of, anyway.

Everything I was doing was being done behind closed doors or through connections, none _directly_ by me. Not yet.

I would complete what I had set out to do, that was for sure. I owed to them.

I looked up and down the dark street; checking my watch for the upteenth time.

_8:07pm._

They'd still let me in, now, if they thought I was family.

Sucking it up, I drew another deep breath before pushing the front doors open and stepping into the station.

It was relatively dank and messy; stacks of paper work cluttering the reception desk. A few people, one child and an older woman sat on two plastic chairs next to a dying Ficus tree.

She was a short and plump African American woman, red framed glasses pushed up the oily bridge of her nose.

She looked at me from over them.

"Can I help you?" she asked with raised brows.

"I'm here to see someone--a woman." I stammered stupidly.

She let one eyebrow fall but the other remained perked, staring at me suspiciously.

"The woman that was brought her from the shooting earlier this evening?" I pressed, placing my palms on the desk.

She chewed her tongue and narrowed her eyes.

"I'm her brother." I said sharply, growing impatient.

She aquiesced with a scolding expression on her face.

I was allowed to stand outside her cell and talk for a few minutes. That was all I needed.

A heavy-set police officer with a handle-bar moustache pulled the barred door back, letting me enter the corridor. He closed it behind me, locking it again.

"Three down, on the right," he informed me with a nod.

He turned back around, settling down at a desk before picking up a magazine and his coffee.

"What are you doing here?" Heidi wondered, her voice thick and hoarse from crying so hard.

"You've done well." I praised her, although I knew it only tormented her.

"What have I done?" she sniffled, burying her head in her hands.

She was still wearing the clothes she wore at school, they were crumpled but dry. Her make-up was smeared over her distraught face and some of her fake nails had been torn from her real ones.

She sat with her knees pulled to her chest, leaning with her back against the grimy wall of the cell.

It was reminiscent of my own time spent in a cell.

"You've helped me, that's what you've done." I answered, delayed.

She pulled her head back to glare at me.

"But what happens now that he's dead? What happens to me?" she demanded hysterically, eyes rimmed with red and black.

I threw a sidelong glance at the guard down the corridor who's eyes were still glued to the pages of his magazine, oblvious. I leant on the steel bars, looping my arms through them and resting my forehead against the cold metal.

Sighing, I stared at Heidi.

"Look, you agreed to do this, it's not problem of mine what happens to you afterward." I reminded her bleakly.

"You were intent on getting him for yourself; I wished, but I hadn't expected you to go full force and pull a gun on the bastard." I chuckled.

"I didn't mean to shoot him!" she defended, shrieking.

I rolled my eyes.

"Are you going to help me?" she asked after a few silent moments.

I shook my head simply.

"But you said I helped you! When we met and I told you about Edward, you told me what to do and that if I went wrong you would be there to help me! You can't leave me here to rot!" she protested, standing up on wobbly legs to poke her finger to my chest.

"Just plead insanity, it worked for me." I winked.

"You-" she screeched and I took a deliberate step back.

"I'd say I'll be seeing you round, but I guess not."

With a satisfied smirk and the knowledge that Heidi's mere statement of my involvement could not get me in front of a court again, I walked away. However, it was possible I was already in trouble with the law.

It was a requirement of my parole that I not leave the immedeate area/town I live in. I had fled to Seattle in search of _her_. And I hadn't, for very obvious reasons, informed my parole officer.

I had connections. I found out where she was living, not an exact address, but the area. I was informed of Professor Cullen's job and where he worked. It all just fell together from there and I was paving my way to my objective.

I needed to get _him_ out of the way, to get to _her._ I knew without a doubt that he would always get in the way; he was just as bad as she was. It was Heidi's job to distract him, or kill him while I went for Isabella.

It was my whole life now; this job.

I owed it to Jacob.

* * *

My chest ached and I couldn't remember why. There was something dark and seething inside my stomach, inside my heart, threatening to resurface. I was terrified of it.

What had gone so devistatingly wrong? And where was I?

I felt something tug on my arm as I moved it to feel around me. I was in bed, which was odd.

I could feel something in the back of my brain, something I was blocking from coming back to me. I didn't want to face it. I was afraid.

My eyes fluttered open and I groaned as I saw the IV drip in my arm. I scratched around it, annoyed but shaking with an edge of anxiety. I was missing something, something important, something vital.

My hand curled protectively around my stomach and I breathed a sigh of relief, feeling a light flutter below my navel. She was okay. She was fine. My eyes pricked with unshed tears. I knew something was terribly wrong but I wouldn't acknowledge it.

I would die before I did.

I pushed the blankets covering my torso off of me, searching around me. I was lying in a hospital room, the stench of plastic and disinfectant strong in the air. The bed squeaked as I shifted uncomfortably. I heard voices outside my door, a sliver of light under visible under it. Shadows ran along it, people walking past.

My room was dark and I felt like I was suffocating.

The voices came more pronounced but still muted. I strained to hear them and quickly regretted doing so.

"...don't know...the baby's fine. Her vitals are good and her BP is back to normal. She was on shaky ground for a minute, after all that happened. But she'll be fine."

Another woman's voice piped in.

"Physically." she said in a clarifying voice.

"Yes," the other woman muttered sadly, the doctor, I assumed.

"But what about emotionally?" the woman pressed.

"I haven't heard from the OR yet. There is no news, none." she stated grimly.

The woman sighed.

The doctor spoke up again.

"That can never be good."

There was a terrifying silence when neither of them spoke.

There was something gnawing inside me, clawing it's way closer to consuming me and I could feel it coming. It was strong and unrelenting. I was quickly coming back to reality. I glanced to my left, noticing a clear plastic bag labelled with my name.

It held my clothes, soaked with blood. But when I realised I hadn't been hurt, it all came back.

I stared back at the offending package, not believing my eyes, because what I think happened could not have possibly happened.

No.

It can't have.

Smothering the swift surge of agony that threatened to overpower me, I swallowed loudly and tried to listen for more.

"...think it's best that we call some family." she murmured solemnly. "Are the numbers on file?"

The sound of paper flipping over.

"No, we'll have to ask Miss. Swan. But I doubt she'll want to talk to anyone at the moment."

"Should we tell her what's happening?"

"No."

The door opened.

The gnawing was increasing, but I didn't understand their words full of sadness and pity for a woman--me--they didn't even know. I didn't _want_ to understand. Clutching the bed railing I watched them walk in, their eyes widening in shock as they realised I had been eavesdropping.

I shook my head vehemently and they shared a worried glance. The torrent of unbridled pain was in danger of toppling over on top of me. Everything was hanging in the balance and I don't see how I could live through it.

"Honey you need to stay calm," the woman with the white coat on soothed.

The other, a nurse with pink scrubs shuffled over to my drip.

"This was just to rehydrate you," she noted with a warm smile.

I didn't care.

I could feel it coming, swiftly and unrelenting.

I stared at them desperately and they just watched me with painfully sombre eyes. I trembled, attempting to reign in the pain, slowly rising inside, tormenting, torturing.

My breathing picked up as I replayed everything in my head.

"She's having a panic attack," the doctor quickly assessed, grasping my hand.

I flinched from her hold, like it was acid.

"Don't touch me," I gasped.

"This is not-this is not...ha-happening," I breathed out, my head spinning as the darkness began to swallow me.

My heart, my lungs and my brain.

I couldn't have foreseen this.

"Miss Swan, please." she urged with her calm facade.

"NO!" I screamed, my entire body quaking.

"NO! NO! NO!" it had built up and now it spilled over, tainting me like poison.

My hands sought anything they could, trying to wrench myself free from this prison.

"Let me go!" I screeched as they tried to restrain me.

"I can't do this! Where is he?!" I sobbed.

And when they didn't say anything, I felt _everything._

Nothing could have possibly prepared me; no-one could have warned me of the consequences of loving someone so much.

I was disoriented and their voices faded in and out of clarity.

"He promised," I choked.

"He said he wouldn't go, he said he _can't_!" I trained my eyes to the door, intent on reaching it to find him.

But would I be able to live through it?

"Edward!" I screamed again, because my voice is all I had left.

He always came.

I couldn't see and I was struggling to draw each breath, as if something was compressing my lungs, keeping them from expanding. Tears streamed, and held no sign of stopping, not for a long time.

I knew the baby was in distress but I let myself forget.

"_Edward!" _I cried.

But he didn't come.

I stared at the door.

Nothing.

No-one.

I had nothing.

My strength drained as quickly as it had surged within me.

Both the doctor and the nurse relaxed, satisfied that I was relaxing.

But I wasn't. I just wasn't there anymore.

My face never dried, the tears never stopped.

I stared, unseeing, at my stomach. My arms wouldn't move to caress it and my mouth wouldn't form the words to console it. What words were there to say?

There wasn't anything left...

* * *

"She's catatonic, I don't know what to do."

I faded in and out of listening to what they were saying.

"Has she been Psych evalutated yet?" someone murmured.

Another answered 'no'.

"But she won't eat, she won't sleep, she won't talk. She won't _move_."

There was more mumbling.

"Just stares at the door, she's been doing it for the past four hours..."

"She's been through a trauma,"

"Yes, but she's pregnant, she has to get better--for the baby's sake and her's."

"Give her more than a few hours, Doctor Gerandy...she's been through enough already. Oh, and that reminds me, any news on her fiancee?"

_That word should mean something._ My brain told me.

"Yes, finally," they answered.

"There's good news and there's bad news."

I found it impossible to comprehend their words.

"He made it through surgery, there shouldn't be any permanent brain damage...but they'll have to wait until he's conscious to see what else. They might be wrong, though--he might be in more trouble than they thought..."

_Edward...come back to me._

_He's alive._

_He's alive!_

I turned my head_, _my neck muscles stiff from staying in the same position so long.

I mustered all of my strength into pressing the buzzer, someone came rushing in immedeately.

"I need to see him." I demanded in a rush.

"I need to see my fiancee! He's alive?!" I said in a rush, already moving to get up from bed.

"Whoah, whoah--take it slow, sweetheart. He's not awake yet," she added.

"I don't care." I growled, shifting my legs off of the cot.

"I need to see him," I breathed desperately.

"He needs me!"

She helped me from the bed but insisted on taking me to recovery in a wheelchair.

Could I let myself hope? Could I be dreaming this?

Am I dead?

The idea saddened me for a while, but compared to the idea of living without Edward...

I'd take death, a thousand times over.

I clutched my stomach again, the nervous fluttering taking over.

_Daddy's going to be okay._

I thought to my baby girl.

_You'll get the chance to meet him and love him. You won't have to live in a world after he's left it._

_I promise._

Weak but elated, I almost stumbled out of my chair as we approached Edward's room. I was too impatient to see him, to see his chest rise and fall with each breath, to see the flush of his cheeks.

I needed to see him living, so I could commit it to memory. I needed to love and fight with him more.

I needed to stop taking things for granted.

I needed _him. To stay._

I needed the chance to fight over picking names for the baby, what school she should go to, what boy she should date.

I didn't care about getting married; it felt unimportant in light of these events.

It felt inconsequential. I would only do it if he wanted to.

I made a promise to myself this time.

We rounded the corner and my eyes set upon Alice. I gasped and her eyes fell on me, widening before bursting into tears.

"Bella," she greeted in a shaky voice, closing the distance between us and hugging me tightly around the shoulders.

Rosalie was sitting on a recliner in the corner of the room, desolate and weary--stressed.

Carlisle and Esme were leaning over their son's bed. I had only met the Cullen's a handful of times and it felt such a tragedy to reuinte this way. Esme kissed my forehead, teary-eyed and older looking than I had ever seen her.

Carlisle squeezed my shoulder and smoothed my hair down my back before taking his wife's hand. I heard her break down behind me. I swallowed the lump of dread stuck in my throat and turned my terrified gaze onto him.

He looked as though he could be sleeping.

My dear, beloved Edward.

"Oh," I huffed out, like I had been winded.

"Oh," my voice cracked and the mere sight of him here, broken, unaware caused a deep searing pain in my chest.

It ripped at my insides, burning them.

"If this is too much for you," the nurse whispered in my ear.

I shook my head and slowly stood up from my chair, shuffling closer to his head.

There still showed signs of blood, but there was a thick bandage wrapped around his head, obscuring where he must have had surgery. I didn't know what had happened, where he'd been shot or what damage was done.

All I knew was that he was here. I placed a shaky palm to his chest and almost collapsed as I felt a heart beat through it.

"Oh, God," I sobbed, watching my hand move with every inhale...and exhale.

The monitor beside him beeped with every pump his heart made.

His hands were limp at his sides. I reached my other hand towards his right one, clutching his pallid, clammy fingers as if they were the only thing keeping him here with me.

"You don't get to give up," I whispered, the bedsheets dotted with my tears.

I wondered idly if they were all my own.

I let my eyes finally settle on his face. Eyes closed and lips slightly parted he looked as normal as always, like when he was asleep, in bed, at home. But the silence surrounding him was deafening.

I kept waiting for him to wake up, to talk in his hoarsey morning voice and crack a joke or tell me he loved me.

I waited for him to be Edward.

But the only sound was the beep that told me he was still alive, still working.

"Are you here with me, baby?" I asked, leaning over his body and leaning my forehead against his.

"Did you hear me?" I whispered again, tears falling and landing on his own cheeks.

"You promised," My voice shook and broke in agony and I felt like curling up next to him and sleeping forever.

"You promised and the Edward I love would never go back on his promises." I sniffed.

"So, we'll make a deal, alright? You wake up, you get better and you can name the baby whatever you want--you can name her after a band or something weird--anything you want, just _wake up._" I begged.

He stayed unresponsive, his hands not even reacting to my touch.

The hand that rested on his chest felt numb, as if it wasn't even _his_ heartbeat.

Like he was already gone.

I stood over him again, sobbing but not caring. I placed a tender kiss on his cheek, my lips lingering against his stubble, my mouth stretched into a painful grimace as another sob raked through me.

I gently put my hand to his face, cupping his chin and kissing his lips. I don't know whether it was to reassure me or to bring him back--both, maybe.

* * *

And so the days flowed onward like a groggy dream; something that kept you from waking up when you couldn't stand it any longer. It weighed down on me as I watched my fiancee, blank and still asleep in that hospital bed.

I talked with him, but after a while, I couldn't talk without my words becoming unintelligable.

Edward's sisters waited. They stayed and they did all they could for their brother and his devastated fiancee.

Their gestures, no matter how heartfelt, they wouldn't wake him up.

I was terrified; getting him back then losing him again.

Again and again.

Everytime I heard a sharp intake of breath, my heart jumped from my chest, but then I realised it was someone else in the room. Sooner or later, I ended up conjuring the sounds up in my mind. I watched him for hours on end, refusing to move because I could have sworn his finger moved.

The doctors told me his brain had swelled and they needed to keep him in a coma. But he should have come out of it by now.

So as I agonised, the world around me continued and it didn't seem fair. How can everyone else keep going on when my entire world was staying still?

I was begging with every last ounce of my will. Begging to anyone that would listen, that could hear my pleas. I begged to have him back.

I was alone.

I was sitting with my arms folded over my stomach, staring off into space, contemplating everything.

When I heard a splutter from Edward. I jumped, startled, before I gasped, staring wide-eyed at his face as his eyes fluttered and opened. He stared around the room, groggy and tired-looking.

It was so good to see the green of his irises again.

To be lost in them.

"Carlisle! Esme!" I cried, euphoric.

He gulped, his mouth was probably dry.

"Hey," I said softly, tears in my eyes.

"You've come back to me." I sniffled, smiling deliriously through my tears.

He stared at me as if he didn't understand what I was saying.

"Edward?" comprehension dawned over his features.

He nodded, eyes distant. He licked his lips, blinking rapidly.

Carlisle and Esme came bursting into the room, faces worn and terrified, but once they saw their son, they broke out into enormous smiles or relief and happiness.

"Mum...Dad," he whispered, his voice sounding gravelly and terrible.

It was so good to hear him speak.

Esme kissed him all over his face while Carlisle leaned down to hug him.

He turned his eyes on me then and thats when I got it.

He stared at me with narrowed eyes, brow furrowed and mouth slack.

"W-who are you?" he asked, mystified.

_He doesn't know me._


	11. Heal

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but Scholarward can come over to my house any time for a spanking._

_I hope you haven't been waiting too long for this one. I should go update Ancient and Divine next. I have writer's block with Prude and Prejudice at the moment and it's bugging me ._

_Follow me on Twitter: THEREALbirobird_

_Shout out to: Cydney94 for being the only one to review my newest chapter of Essenza Del Lupo ^.^ To all my lovely reviewers from last chapter demanding I have a brain transplant for pulling a stunt like that. Sorry guys ^.^ _

_I would just like to dedicate this small chapter to CitizenCullen25._

_I love you're courage.  
_

* * *

_When you try your best but you don't succeed _  
_ When you get what you want but not what you need _  
_ When you feel so tired but you can't sleep _  
_ Stuck in reverse _

_ And the tears come streaming down your face _  
_ When you lose something you can't replace _  
_ When you love someone but it goes to waste _  
_ could it be worse? _

_ Lights will guide you home _  
_ and ignite your bones _  
_ And I will try to fix you_

_Coldplay- Fix You  
_

* * *

_He turned his eyes on me then and that's when I got it._

_He stared at me with narrowed eyes, brow furrowed and mouth slack._

_"W-who are you?" he asked, mystified._

He doesn't know me.

_He doesn't know me._

"Edward?" Esme murmured, shocked.

She shared a horrified glance with her husband over her shoulder and placed her hand to his forehead, gaining his confused gaze.

"Honey? Don't you remember Bella?" her lip was trembling and I saw how her heart broke for me and her son.

I stared at his face, the jade green eyes that did not light up with recognition upon sighting me.

And I felt a little part of me snap.

I clutched my bulging stomach, a reminder that everything _did_ happen.

Like and anchor, my baby kept me from losing it. She stopped me from floating away from land.

Eyes glazed, Edward shifted his eyes back to mine. Nothing had changed once she uttered my name, just a frustrated befuddlement took possession of his expression. He was trying, attempting to retrieve his lost memories but he couldn't because his face calmed and he shook his head, still lost.

"I don't."

I choked a sob, turning my head away as his eyes snapped to mine, shocked to find the stranger in his room crying.

"Should I?" His voice uncertain and concerned.

They stayed silent. I had my palm cupped over my mouth, holding back the swarm of grief that was rapidly taking over my heart. So, I hadn't lost him, in the physical sense. His body remained, alert and alive. It was just our lives that we lost; our connection, our bond and our memories.

They only existed in my own mind. And it was so infinitely sad, that Carlisle came up behind me and grasped my weak hands to guide me to an arm chair. I tried to gather myself up and turn a dignified face back to my fiancee, but I couldn't lift my head.

They spoke weakly to eachother.

At least he remembered _them._

"Where's Tanya?" he asked conversationally.

That woke me up from my anguished haze.

"What?" I croaked.

I stared accusingly at the Cullens; like they were to blame, but of course they weren't. I just looked to them for an explanation.

"Honey," Esme began with a voice as thick as honey.

She glanced surreptitiously at me before she ventured on.

"Honey you broke up with Tanya in 2007," she informed him softly.

He stared at her, disbelief evident in his shaken form. He looked upset about it.

"Then why can't I remember?" he demanded, his ears going red.

"Edward, son--what is the last thing you remember?" Carlisle asked cautiously, the question on the tip of everyone's tongue but what remained unsaid before now.

He was frowning at his parents and ignoring me. After all; I was a nobody to him. Like someone had injected an acid into my veins, everything inside me sizzled and dissipated, leaving room for an empty numbness. A helplessness.

Crying profusely and quietly, I was still maintaining attention in his answer.

"I-" he frowned hard, concentrating.

His eyes were heavy and circled with dark rings. He was tired and puzzled. There was a strange woman in his hospital room; me. And he didn't know what year it was.

Another chunk of my heart shattered for him.

"I was moving out," he mumbled cautiously, waiting for a rebuttle.

He reminded me of a lost child. He was scared.

"I just got a job offer, a regional area in Washington...? With Alice's school." his eyes were wide and glassy.

"Forks?" he asked.

My heart leapt; maybe he wasn't as far from my Edward as I thought.

"Where am I?" He wondered suddenly, glancing between his parents, my presence still forgotten or unimportant to him at this point.

I swallowed my pain like a dry pill.

"You're in Seattle, sweetheart." Esme smiled and I noticed glistening tear tracks running down her rosy cheeks.

Carlisle squeezed her shoulder while they both stayed enraptured with their son. Esme hugged her lavender cardigan closer.

"What? No, I've just finished college...we were having a graduation party at your lake house in Vermont..." he registered Esme weeping into her hand and Carlisle letting his eyes fall grimly to his feet.

"That was three years ago," Carlisle told him.

Edward didn't say anything, his face a mask of terror.

"What?" still not understanding.

"You were in an..." Carlisle began, glanced apologetically at me, Edward followed his gaze. "...an accident."

It sounded less malevolent coming from Carlisle, the sympathetic doctor. He had to deliver news such as this to people on a daily basis. He was experienced in the field.

"It's 2010, Edward. You're twenty-seven, you live in Seattle and you work as a Lit Professor at the University."

Why was he missing out all the vital information?

"Edward." he leaned closer and Edward seemed extremely upset by his lack of recollection. So many imporant points in his life; gone, evaporated or locked away to somewhere he couldn't reach.

"You have a finacee and you're about to be a Father." he breathed, stressing those two major facts.

Carlisle inclined his head in my direction and Edward, once again, frowned uselessly at me.

I dropped my face into my hands and let the tears consume me.

"You don't remember anything about her? Bella Swan?" Carlisle pressed, anxious as I was to make him remember.

The lights, dim and artifical felt cold against the pastel blue and green paint on the walls. I felt so bare and vulnerable under them. I lifted my eyes to stare absently at them as I took stock of the horror that had become.

Shoulders hunched and shaking, I was afraid the love of my life would never find his way back to me.

He was there, right there in that bed; but it wasn't _him._ He was there, in some form, but how was I supposed to salvage him?

I scavanged enough courage to stare back at his imploring scrutiny. I took a long, shaky breath and tried to use my legs. They were unstable and weak, but I soldiered on through the next four feet to stand by his bed.

His eyes never left mine, but there still remained that emptiness of thought. The space where our lives belonged that was unable to surface in his mind.

He watched me move closer with a guarded expression, treating me exactly like someone would treat a person they just met. I was acting too personal, like we knew each other, because we did, but he doesn't. At least not anymore.

With a sniffle and a furtive glance at Esme and Carlisle, I rested both my hands on the plastic rail of Edward's bed.

A large lump in my throat and a piercing fear through my chest, I looked down at him.

"I'm Bella," I said, trying to raise my voice loud enough for him to hear it.

"We met..." I glanced, shamefully, at his parents.

I met their eyes and felt the colour rise in my cheeks. I never really knew how they felt about the circumstances in which we met; I know Edward had confided in them, also in Alice (accidentally) and that they still gave him their blessing. They just didn't know we had engaged in a relationship while I was still in school, under his care.

"Um, can we have a moment?" I requested in a small voice, confidence out the window.

I heard their shuffled footsteps move away and out the door, it clicked softly behind them leaving a thick silence.

"I'm--I mean you're...?" he rocked his head from side to side.

"Yes," I mumbled.

He moved his hands higher beside him and tried to push himself into a sitting position.

"Wait, let me help you--"

"I'm fine." he snapped.

I recoiled. He may as well have slapped me. I bit my lip and averted my gaze long enough to keep more tears falling.

I sucked in a breath and returned.

"I'm-I'm so...lost," he whispered, straightening his back and resting against his pillows.

"We met at Forks High," I began, my mouth suddenly bone dry and my muscles aching with the effort.

"You were hired as an English teacher there..." I felt like I was admitting to some crime, which I suppose it was.

But I wasn't so used to being afraid of how Edward would judge me for what we'd done. He'd never been disgusted by it before; what would his reaction be if I told him?

"I-I was your...your student." I finished and ducked my head.

I chanced a peek up into his blank face and I don't know whether I was relieved there was no reaction or even more in agony that he remained indifferent about it.

"Oh." Was all that escaped his mouth.

He looked pale and shaken but unfortunately, our privacy was short-lived.

"Ah, Mr. Cullen. You've finally joined the world again." Doctor Gerandy strolled in and plucked the clip board from the end of the cot.

"How are you feeling?" he inquired, poking the paperwork with a ballpoint pen he acquired from his breast bocket.

"I feel like shit is how I feel. What the hell happened to me?" he gritted his teeth as the doctor gingerly probed his skull.

I winced along with him, feeling every jab a thousand times worse. I was close to tears again.

"Are-are you alright?" he asked me as the doctor took his hands back and noted his inventory.

I shook my head.

He threw me another bemused glance before continuing his exchange with Dr. Gerandy.

"Can I see you outside?" I asked him.

He nodded at Edward and gently took my elbow, leading me into the virtually empty corridor. I wheeled around and sprung on him, incredulous and panicked.

"He doesn't remember!" I cried.

"He doesn't know me! He doesn't recall the last three years of his life! What's happened to him?" I demanded in a rush, my breathing erratic and my heart pounding so loud I'd bet he could hear it himself.

"Mrs. Cullen, please calm down," he urged and that just made it worse.

He called me by Edward's surname. I didn't even know if that future was possible for us now. He had a hold of my forearms while I gripped his like my life depended on it. I was close to collapsing with the weight of everything.

"His memory loss isn't just about the bullet wound he obtained in the incident. He's going through a severe psychological disturbance and that is what is preventing him from processing previous events."

"You mean the last three years?" I hissed, angry.

"He's been through so much, as have you--we can't push the process." he gave me a very 'Carlisle' look.

"What happens now?" I whimpered hoplessly.

He watched me carefully.

"Only time will tell."

* * *

"The bathroom is an ensuite into our..." I took a steadying breath, reminding myself that he would no longer call it _our_ bedroom.

"Into _the _bedroom." I corrected with a bite to my tongue.

I had my arms cradling my stomach as Edward surveyed our apartment. Curious and distant, he scanned over everything with a look of cold withdrawal--the items and trinkets that would usually hold value for him, me, or the both of us, he just glanced at.

He didn't feel anything new.

The only progress he'd made in the past week was remembering the day he left home for Forks. He still couldn't recall me at all, the day we met or the many subsequent ones after it. What if he didn't want to remember?

He'd be lost forever.

He'd move on from me.

He draped his jacket over the back of the couch--such a simple Edward-like move, I almost choked on my breath--and turned to look at me.

My eyes flicked back to his in shock, but I quickly recovered, realising it was most probably the most convenient place to put his things, and not a habitual thing. I pressed my lips together and stared around too then back at him.

"So...this is it." I said lamely.

He nodded and reached his hand to his hair, running through it worriedly like he always did; it was a trait he'd been doing long before he met me. So any hope of more rekindled memories was lost once again...

"Is-Is something wrong?" he asked uncertainly; every word he spoke was wary and cautious, as if he wasn't sure it was right or wrong.

I noticed my face felt hot and there were tracks of wetness on my cheeks. I sniffed and averted my blurry eyes.

"I'm sorry." I muttered, my hair creating a curtain of privacy between us.

How was I going to make it through this without my Edward?

"It's okay," he replied softly with an apologetic smile, still uncomfortable.

He glanced down at my belly, as he often did and regained that look of disbelief and illness, the fact that it was impossible he had a child on the way when he didn't even remember the mother that beared it.

I watched him closely and the silence ensued as he stared at our concealed child, eyes bright and wondering but still with a hint of fear; after all, _this_ Edward only just found out about the baby and me, he hadn't had time to prepare.

"Please don't cry," he begged with concerned eyes.

That made it worse; because it reminded me of what _my_ Edward would have done in response to my tears and pain.

"A beautiful woman like you shouldn't cry." he murmured, handing me a box of tissues.

I laughed humourlessly but took the tissues with gratitude.

"Thanks,"

"Listen, I know this is hard for you..." he began and I stared up at him in shock.

He no longer wore the bandage around his head, so his hair was as unkempt and tousled as ever. He wore a faded green t-shirt that brought out his eyes and jacket over the top, some jeans and a pair of worn sneakers which he found familiar.

"It must be terrible, that I can't remember you...I'm _trying!_" he nodded desperately, taking one of my fisted hands and gently prising it apart.

Contact, tender, personal contact; it caused my breath to catch in my throat. I never knew how much I had missed this.

"I'm trying to remember you because based on what Mom and Dad told me about you--you were special to me. You _are_, you must be."

I sent a silent, grateful thanks to the Cullens for having the guts that I didn't have.

"You seem like a wonderful person...can...can I just...ask for some...time?" he beseeched, his face stretched into a genuine smile.

"I just," he whispered regretfully.

I squeezed his hand and he brought me closer, taking my other hand and squeezing that; it was lost in his large grip.

"I'm sorry about this, causing you pain and everything..." he apologised quietly.

I took a leap, metaphorically, a leap to close the gap.

I dropped his hands and threw my arms around his waist. Caught off guard, he stiffened for a moment before hesitantly curling his arms around me, my frame trembling against his.

"Thank you." I breathed.

* * *

I had opted to sleep in the guest room. It was actually the baby's room, the construction of it put on hold for a while. I still had ten weeks to go until she was due, so I wasn't in an immediate hurry.

It was my first night home since the accident.

I had spent every waking minute with Edward at the hospital, or should I say, the shell of Edward.

I missed _that_ Edward more than anything. The Edward that smirked and cracked those beautiful crooked smiles I loved so much. I missed his scent, absent from beside me in bed. I missed the sparkle in his eyes as he placed both hands over my belly and kissed me.

I missed his touch, every single caress and show of affection.

I missed it with my entire heart, so much that it was almost unbearable to be alone in this bed, my old single bed from Forks.

I sighed and hugged my pillow closer to my side, sleeping restlessly and dreaming of _my Edward._

That night felt empty.

An entire week passed.

Tuesday morning brought with it, an unexpected knock at the door. I started, almost falling off of my chair in the dining room as I ate an awkward, silent breakfast with my amnesiac fiancee. At least he remembered how much he liked pop-tarts.

Edward noted the subdued fear in my eyes and graciously got the door for me.

"Er, can I help you?"

Silence.

"Do I know you?"

I stood up with shaky legs and entered the hall way, Edward's back covering anyone in view. I shuffled down the floorboards, closer to his side. Edward moved out of the way and I stood frozen.

"Oh, _Daddy_," I couldn't hold back the broken, relieved and anguished sobs that erupted from somewhere deep within me.

Charlie was standing, shocked and stoic at the door. Someone must have contacted him, because I certainly hadn't. I'd been too involved with my life falling apart in a spectacular show around me.

"Daddy," I repeated, feeling like my seven-year-old self when my mother had to take me home after my Summer holidays with Charlie.

His face crumpled in defeat and sadness when he took me in, realising how damaged everything really was.

"Baby Bella," he mumbled, striding forwards.

I had my mouth covered with my hand, and I took my own steps toward him. He gathered me up in his arms as if I was still the same sad little girl. The sobs tore free and replaced the sound of everything else.

Had I been an outsider, I would have wondered who had died.

My cries were so heart-broken and sore, it almost sounded like I'd lost someone.

Which, in some ways, I had.

He hugged me tight, his knees bent slightly, leaning down to my short frame. He let my cry against his chest, clad in his travelling jacket and a button down shirt he reserved only for important occassions.

"Oh, my baby," he cooed with a cracking voice.

"I'm here for you now. I'm here to help."

* * *

Charlie's arrival dimmed my nerves.

He was a cloaked god send. The unexpected kind, the kind you didn't know could help at all until they came.

And so with a day filled with crying and silences; I was exhausted.

I offered Charlie the spare bed that I slept in. I was planning on sleeping on the fold out sofa. Edward insisted that the pregnant woman should sleep in her own bed, but I declined.

I couldn't bring myself to. I couldn't be in that room for too long or I would utterly lose my bearings. I suspected I was closer to being committed to an institution than Edward was. I had Charlie set the bed up for me, assuring him that it was bigger and therefore better than the single mattress in the baby's room. We didn't share many words between us about the subject that caused him to come see me.

He knew I was in dire pain.

Hew knew but he didn't say much; because the quiet was solace in itself. His presence and the fact that he actually _came. He came when I needed him._ This would count for much more than any words.

I crawled into bed as Charlie turned the lights out for me and disappeared down the hall way. Edward had already removed himself and settled back into bed, a cringing observer to todays festivities.

I trembled under the covers, not from the cold, but from the nightmares that always came. That had been coming for a two weeks now.

The week in hospital and the week home; it was torture in it's most horrid form.

Horrid, because anything could happen in your dreams, and that's where the worst occured.

I was afraid to shut my eyes again and become vulnerable to the slew of unimaginable pain and hauntings that always, _always _emerged.

I took another leap to cure my fear and loneliness.

I stood up from the bed, fumbled around in the dark and finally stumbled into my bedroom.

Edward was just a sillhouette under the coverlet--the golden one that we picked out together. He was peaceful and carefree. I wish I were.

I slowly crossed the room and gingerly sat on my side of the bed.

_How odd, _I thought.

He had reclaimed his side of the bed and left my side completely empty and untouched.

It ignited a pyre of adoration and hope inside my chest. I couldn't abstain from lying my body down next to his, forgetting the horrors of reality and singling our two forms out from the rest.

But unfortunately, I woke him up. Or maybe he was never asleep.

I laid my head back against my pillow as he rolled over, eyes widening at my appearance.

"Is something wrong?" he wondered, frowning.

I looked up at him, restraining more tears. I'm sure he was sick of them by now. I felt like this Edward was someone else, a stand-in for the original while I waited for the old one to return.

I could barely see his features in the shadows. The curtains were drawn and only a scant amount of moonlight filtered in; the city was asleep, too. I could vaguely hear the blaring of horns and rumble of vehicles off in the distance. It was oddly comforting, but I wouldn't say I didn't miss the thick blanket of secure silence that surrounded you in Forks.

But Forks wasn't my home anymore.

I let my head fall back to stare at the ceiling; out of my peripherals, Edward sat up, shirtless. I crossed my legs underneath me, leaning on one hand as the other stroked my belly. This entire room held his presence, his tastes, and mine, combined.

From the choice of carpet, a lighter golden, more creamy colour. Or the paint, a tasteful ivory, with one mocha feature wall that the headboard of our bed rested against.

I bit my lip and leaned over to reach inside the cherry wood nightstand to the side of the bed, opening the draw and revealing a picture I kept tucked safely inside.

I treasured this picture.

Because it wasn't like most pictures, not at all.

I handed the sonogram to him without a word and he took it without complaint. He looked over it in puzzlement before realisation crashed through him, wiping his face over.

"This is..." he cleared his throat. "...our child?" he had trouble coming to senses with those words.

I nodded and didn't bother wiping the rest of my tears away. They'd only keep coming. From the little amount of glow, I was able to discern his furrowed brow, casting darkness over his eyes. His mouth relaxed before the corners lifted subtly.

Hope.

"I don't feel like you're my Edward anymore," I whispered hoarsely.

He looked up at me sadly, but not as if he were devastated by that news.

"I feel like I'm waiting for him to come back to me."

He did me the courtesy of not speaking.

"But right now," I paused and carefully scooted closer, hesitantly reaching my hand to cup his cheek.

His lips parted and he leaned into my touch.

"Right now, you have _my_ Edward's face. So...can you just...hold me?" I pleaded, staring at his blackened features.

His looks remained the same, but the feelings behind them were still absent.

Parts of him weren't alive.

"Okay." he relented in a soft whisper, eyes wide.

I nodded and laid back down, moving my body closer to his as he fumbled around, not knowing what to do. I grasped his right hand with my left, lacing my fingers with his. I rolled over and faced the other way, his chest to my back. I guided his hand to my stomach. His muscles were taught and unsure. His warmth was a sure fire way to melt the icy dread in my chest, it circled me now, filling me. I felt a million times better. Not perfect, but better.

"I just want you to know...I'm not giving up." I told him.

"I'll make us better." I closed my eyes.

His hand relaxed on my stomach just as I felt the baby kick into his palm.

I was sure he felt it, because he spoke then, voice cracking and filled with sorrow.

"Why don't I know you?"

Gripping him as tight as humanly possible, I buried my face into the pillow.


	12. Soul

_OMG, If you knew how long it took me to do this! No, not really. I was just being lazy with my updates. But here we go, no harm done. This one is actually pretty long, though. Just a few dozen short of how many words the Blood Moon epilogue had. Which is a lot for one of my chapters. I couldn't stand writing a chapter of like 12, 000 like I know some writers do._

_Geez._

_This is mixed POVS.  
_

_Anyways, hope you enjoy. This one was a bit long to write (my longest ever, giggles), a bit hard, and a bit nostalgic. We go back in time. :D_

_News? Um...I ate some chocolate while I was typing and almost got it smeared on the keyboard. Classy, I know. :)_

_Till we meet again!_

_xx - birobird  
_

* * *

I figured it was time to lay our history out for Edward.

Since he couldn't remember any of it, we had difficulty withholding a conversation before he grew too confused with my line of thought. I would raise a memory and he would only frown in puzzlement, leaving me isolated and sorrowful again.

It was almost like I was losing my own memories, like his injury was contagious and without corroboration, they were fading as if they weren't real to begin with.

I was often distraught but the following week after Charlie arrived had gone smoothly. And I began to realise how soothing his presence could be, even if we exchanged little more than a few words. It was our relationship, a camaraderie that existed only through being and not through speaking.

I could tell that Edward's confidence was already waning, but now that he was still no closer to realising who I was, or who he'd become since knowing me, he was beginning to show signs of distress and depression. Like he wasn't strong enough to recall anything. I was anxious to have him know me again. The pain of loneliness always soiled every calm moment I had, those of which were few and far between.

So, to gain some steady basis with him, I decided I should give him a boost, because I was going out of my mind. I was grieving for a fiancée that hadn't died.

I was grieving for the Edward I knew, not the one that lived with me.

But I also had a feeling he was grieving the part of him he'd lost, too. And I knew he wanted his entire self back, growing frustrated with his mind and growing frustrated with the world that wouldn't give him what he wanted.

His life back.

I wandered into our bedroom on the next Wednesday afternoon, curling my hands around my belly absently as I leant against the door frame, watching Edward pull a long-sleeved grey t-shirt over his head. He turned around then, shoulders rigid like he just realised someone was watching him. He greeted me with a small smile before closing the chest of drawers and tugging the shirt all the way down his torso.

With the sorrow and sadness lingering around us, around the apartment, in every one of us, I'd almost forgotten how much I missed having his body wrapped around mine. I missed his hands on me, his fingers and his lips...

I missed the pleasure he could illicit from me.

I was homesick for him. He was my home.

It was time to go back there.

"Hey," I said softly, always a pang of weariness dripping from my tone.

I was tired. Sleep wasn't helping.

I could never feel rested.

"I wanted to talk to you." I told him, watching his face tense slightly at my words but nodding in allowance.

"We don't have to...I won't force it..." I explained shakily, standing up straight with a hand leaning on the door.

I took a few steps inside the room, standing awkwardly before him and hating the distance, physical and emotional. It would be odd if I touched him, and I loathed it.

Like I was naked in front of a stranger, I waited.

He shook his head.

"No, it's okay...that might help," he reassured, although there was scepticism clear in his voice.

"Come on," I offered him my hand which he took, sliding his warm fingers into my palm.

I squeezed gently and guided him to the bed, pushing his shoulder so he sat down. I sat next to him, feeling huge and sore.

My crisp, un-crumpled sonogram picture sat on the nightstand, weighted under the foot of the lamp. I smiled at it, my chest warming enough to give me motivation to start my personal lecture.

"I wanted to tell you about us...more so than what I've already told you. I thought maybe it might trigger it somehow, just...just stop me if I overwhelm you, okay?"

He nodded so I took a deep breath and he settled in a bit, relaxing against the coverlet for my story. I swallowed through the dry ache in my throat, clearing it and swallowing again. I did this a few times before I finally got the words to tumble, ineloquently, from my lips.

"It was the first day back at school from our Summer vacation," I started.

"I was bored with life, pretty much. I was loathing school as quickly as any teenager would. I was young, I still am, but I didn't know much about anything.

I met a few people, some of them genuinely good people...some not. My first friend in Forks high was Angela Webber." I hadn't thought about her in a while.

Adding a reminder of her betrayal to my already heavily burdened heart made me want to fall in a heap and not move for a few more days.

"She was one of my best friends. She had a boyfriend named Ben Cheney. They were the first nice people to me. Anyway, so I hated all of my classes relatively quickly, until last period...when I had my first English lesson." I glanced up at him and his attention seemed rapt, eyes unblinking and desperately poised on me, trying hard to pinpoint the memories I was re-telling.

"That was the first time we met. You walked in, new and fresh from college," I smirked.

"You were so out of your element, but you barely knew you had me wrapped around your finger...and every other girl there thought you hung the moon." I added sardonically.

"From the first moment I saw you, I was thinking extremely ludicrous thoughts, especially for someone who had rarely taken notice to many boys... I originally came from Phoenix. And that's what started our conversation, actually. You were asking the class about their Summers.

You looked at me and I introduced myself, red cheeked and flustered with your conspicuous charm."

Edward smirked this time, but went back to picking my words a part, and searching...

"So, I told you about Phoenix, and how I was new. But what sealed it for me, what made me so...I don't know, initially attracted to you; you asked, so softly, if I missed home...and you said you understood."

"I-I don't know, it sounds silly, but...that's what started it. I went home that day imagining impossible scenarios, things that would have put you in jail," I chuckled, bathing in the reminiscing.

"I was changing into a different person overnight...and at the time, I hated myself for it. I hated becoming this person who developed a cliché little crush on her teacher..." I rolled my eyes and sat back, leaning on my elbow.

"But I couldn't help it, and it was slowly blowing itself out of proportion. It was getting insane! I started dreaming about you, and I knew it wasn't healthy or good for me. I knew, or thought, that there could be nothing between us.

"I was walking a fine line between petty adoration and actual feelings. I tried ignoring you and my own emotions for a while, but that barely worked. That only made my grades slip a little, which ended up in my spending more time with you.

"That day, I spent a detention with you, writing an essay for Romeo and Juliet when you offered to get me out of Gym class. Naturally, I was thrilled about evading any form of physical education, so I took you up on it and you asked me to help you move the drum kit out of the drama room and back into the music block..."

"You played the piano for me...and you dabbled in the arts while you were a teacher. You did favours for the other music teachers, too. I was out of my mind, crazy about you and then I managed to pinch my hand between the symbols, you were there and really caring. You acted like I'd broken a limb or something and that's sort of when the dam broke."

I cast a hesitant look at Edward, his face flat and betraying no emotion, but his eyes remained glued to my face.

"I...kissed you. At first I thought you were kissing me back—I later found out that you were—but you pushed me away. You broke my heart a little, but it was something you knew you had to do, to spare your career and my own reputation. You thought I was so young and innocent, which I suppose I was. You thought it was some weird fling, some crush I'd developed, and you told me to leave, and that you never wished to mislead me into thinking there was something between us."

And still, what felt like years later, the memory was raw and inflamed with rejection, amplified only by our current situation.

I continued to have the feeling of inadequacy and worthlessness because Edward wasn't responding to me.

"If I told you that then how...?" he trailed off, trying to understand.

"You lied. You may not have known it at the time, but you lied. You were lying to yourself when you said you weren't interested and didn't care for me in return. So, angry and hurt, I left you alone. That day, I tried to find a distraction. And..." my voice died out and Edward watched me strangely.

"And?" he pushed.

"And...so, I found one." My throat was instantly dry and his name burned like a hot poker on my tongue.

"A boy. I used him, to forget about you. I dated him." I elaborated.

Edward's frown deepened, not in concentration or misunderstanding but out of concern.

"Wait...what was his name?" he held his palm up in a placid manner, but his tone softly demanded an answer.

"J..." I swallowed hard, my voice barely carrying any volume.

"Jacob. Jacob Black."

His eyes hardened.

"I...something..." he whispered, eyes unfocussed and further away than our bedroom.

In the past...?

"Do you remember something?" I asked eagerly, leaning forward and placing two tentative palms on his cheeks, like I could physically purge an affirmation from his mouth.

"That name...it...it's...familiar..." he shook his head, squinting his eyes past my head as he tried to grasp the fleeting images.

"It...does?" The circumstances weren't great but who cared?

What did it matter if he was remembering?

But my giddiness was short-lived when he blew a gust of air out of his lungs, replacing the concentrated furrowed brow back on his face as if it never left.

Epiphany obliterated, I slumped back on the bed.

"So, you dated this boy to get back at me?" he clarified, eyebrows raised and his eyes accusatory.

"Yes," I replied in a small voice, wary. I didn't know this Edward's temper or how short the fuse was. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

His eyes were down cast and I detected a hint of embarrassment in his posture, as he just shook his head.

"I'm not looking at you like anything," he muttered distantly, detached. I hated that tone of voice.

"Go on." He urged, half-heartedly.

My head turned away as a new aching lump emerged in my throat. I blew out a breath through my nose and tried to keep my distress covered. I stared at the window, obscured by the curtains, as usual. There was barely any sun...the clouds had obscured a majority of it. Seattle would be lucky if it saw any rays for the rest of the week.

Right now, I could actually use some warmth.

Everything felt too cold and impersonal at the moment.

But as I continued to stare, my eyes hurt even more. Blinking, I caught some tears and inconspicuously wiped them on my shoulder as I pretended to survey the room while gathering my story from where I had dropped it.

I shifted, growing uncomfortable in the same position for too long. Rubbing my belly absently, I jolted back into the stagnate memories, wishing I didn't have to but knowing it was my last and only option. I promised I wasn't giving up.

Constant avoidance wasn't going to help me bring Edward back.

"Naturally, it was a bad decision," I commented with a bit too much acid.

I sighed.

"But it seemed so at the time. You tried to apologise but I wouldn't hear it because I thought you hated me, which you kind of did." I was frowning, realising my story wouldn't make much sense to someone who's supposedly hearing it for the first time.

"Uh, anyway...so, we were at the football game on one Saturday. It was the Quileutes versus our High school team, The Spartans. I hated it, I was planning on meeting Jacob there to talk after ignoring him for, like, a week. You see, this boy Mike was harassing me and you stepped in and put him in his place. I expected him to be at least a bit upset with his friend, but...he took his side over me. So, I avoided confronting him. Until the game.

"But even then, he got drunk, when he was supposed to be playing..." I nervously fidgeted with my hands, desiring to glaze over the next event that occurred.

I decided skip a little.

"So, we were in the English room, and you were giving me first aid..." slip of the tongue.

I chewed my bottom lip.

"Uh..."

"You...what? How did that happen? You skipped something. What happened when you met with him? You didn't...sleep with him, did you?" he couldn't stop his eyes from staring pointedly at my belly.

I clasped protective hands over it, burnt with his assumption.

"If you're going to insinuate that this child isn't yours, than say it out loud, or better yet, get your facts straight." I snapped. "This happened ages before our child was conceived. And no, I did not sleep with him, and the reason I was having first aid is because Jacob Black busted my lip open when he tried to rape me." I managed to get most of it out with only one breath.

And yet I was nowhere near finished. His hurtful words sounded almost hopeful, like he didn't want the burden of his own child or me with it. My anxiety and sorrow over him was converting into a bitter landslide of rage.

So, instead of stopping and handling the swarm of information delicately, I cut straight to the important parts, the most disturbing and graphic.

Mixed together they made quite the macabre cocktail.

"That night you almost killed him for forcing himself on me. You took me away and fixed me up before screaming at me, saying you loathed me. I retorted with as much hate but we both knew why we really couldn't stand the sight of each other. We kissed." I added bluntly.

"From them on, we had a relationship. Jacob never came back to school and after Mike tried to man-handle me again that night, you wanted to kill him too, but he got off with a slap on the wrists. We couldn't give away much, you see."

"But moreover, we started being physical, not actual sex, especially since we were at school, in your office."

Edward's eyes had bugged out from his skull; it would have looked comical in any other circumstances. But I was explaining this all through tears in my eyes.

"I wanted more, we both did. But we couldn't risk it. Anyway, we'd become quite close. That would only get stronger. And then there was the cult." I mumbled darkly.

Edward couldn't say anything, just stare and gape.

"The fire alarm was pulled at school one day. Someone went in and wrote bloody messages over the school. One was aimed at me; the others were vague and for no other purpose than to scare people. But mine was genuine. They coated my entire locker with blood, animal blood. I felt sick, rushed to the bathrooms and found bloody writing on the wall, a threat at my life."

I kept a straight face as I told him, stoic with a quivering chin but strong, squared shoulders.

"You were livid, of course. That afternoon, I was too scared to be home alone, Charlie was fishing or something, I can't remember. He wouldn't have been home. You were distraught, and wouldn't let me go home, either. So we ended up at your house.

"I was in need, and so were you and you were worried. But the desperation surrounding that day made us act irrational. But never have I regretted it. It wasn't planned, it just happened. We had sex...I gave my virginity to you. I never wanted anyone else to have it after I met you."

I, for some reason, didn't feel bashful. I was on a roll, so I had to keep going before I came to my senses and stopped blabbing.

Edward hadn't moved an inch, like he was made of marble, perched on the edge of our bed.

"Things got complicated; you were protective. Extremely so, you still are..." I cleared my throat then added regrettably, "...were."

"I kept having encounters with Jacob; he was distant and weird. Then there was the whole Tanya fiasco," I hated how his eyes immediately snapped to mine, burning with recognition.

How was it fair that he remembered that wench, and not me?

"I was over at your house one afternoon, waiting for you to come home. She was there, dressed in skanky lingerie, demanding that I leave because I was worthless trash. You sent her home, angrily, once you finally arrived. I punched her in the boob." I said as an after-thought.

I didn't even give his expression a glance, probably bewildered.

"That night, we were...together...again. I saw someone moving outside of your house, you live in that old mansion in the hinterland, just outside Forks." I explained, pin-pointing the place he _should _be able to know already.

"So, you decided to go out in the rain to check it out. They came inside while you were gone. They almost snatched me up, but I kicked them, injuring them. Pretty bad too, I broke her ribs. Yes, _her_. Later I found out it was Angela Webber who tried to take me. She was involved with the cult, which basically consisted of a group of boys from the reservation. Plus Mike and Angela. All because they were on ice and had this delusion that I was some wicked sorceress demon that devoured men. And because they'd seen me with you."

"Oh, I totally forgot. They tried to light the school on fire. Almost didn't make it out alive. You saved me after they knocked me out, beat me unconscious and left me in the disintegrating library. Refurbished, now, by the way. That was before I was attacked in your house, though."

"After that, we ventured to Port Angeles for a lunch date. It was reckless, because we got caught by Jacob who started shouting threats across the street at us. You almost beat him against the brick wall, but I stopped you. We left and I realised how serious this all was. You wanted to break it off, to keep me safe. To kill them. I begged you not to, so you didn't."

"I was worried to leave you alone, thinking you might just go and get rid of them anyway." My mouth moved mechanically around each detail, sparing no time for questions.

"I left school one day, with Angela, under the pretence of helping her find Ben, her boyfriend who she was worried about. Turns out, she was handing me over to the cult in La Push; which is on the reservation. They were having a bonfire.

"Next thing I knew, I was running for my life. I tripped, fell, hit my head and they caught me."

His attention was rapt, as he stared at me unblinking. Lost in my words.

"I woke up with my pants undone, all five of them standing around me. Embry, Alec—who was another friend—Jacob, Quil and Mike, who was kneeling in between my legs, ready to force himself on me. Like they promised they would." My throat felt thick, and I was to the point of nausea.

Maybe this is why Edward couldn't remember. Maybe he didn't want to remember something so horrible. I wish I had that luxury.

"I fought, Edward. I fought really hard while I waited for help." I whispered.

These tears were caustic, draining the images from behind my eyes.

"And you were almost too late."

My voice was cracked and shaky, my breathing shallow and laboured, but I soldiered through it. It was necessary, for him to grip anything.

"You turned into this violent, brutal force. You found me, through some miracle. But I don't know, it must have been the sight of it that drove you mad. You never really told me. You hated to talk about it. But you didn't spare any of them any pain. You made sure you had thoroughly pummelled all of them. It scared me. I was torn up and in pain, of course."

"You were beating one of them, they'd passed out from the pain already, but you wouldn't stop. You were intent on killing them. I managed to pull you away. They were locked up after that. I graduated, your sister, Alice found us finger fucking in the school hallway that day. She didn't tell anyone, because, well, you know Alice is weird."

"We got engaged. And we moved here, into this apartment almost immediately afterwards."

I felt like my throat was burning from all those sentences. Destruction upon love.

Love always won out.

"But it doesn't end there." I told him grimly.

"No." He protested, solid, low and pained.

I looked to him in shock.

"Stop, I beg of you." He pleaded with closed eyes, the muscles in his jaw tightened.

"I can't...just give me a minute, will you? I need to process this. Everything you told me is insane, but...I believe it..."

"Then that's good—" My voice rose.

"Shh!" he hushed, placing his hand flat over my shoulder.

"Just a moment." He requested, closing his eyes again, teeth gritted like he'd just swallowed something that tasted awful.

"You were almost killed." He stated. "Repeatedly." He accentuated each syllable.

"Yes," I breathed.

"Why on Earth are you still here? Why would you put yourself at risk like this?"

"Because all of that is over, it's done—"

"That doesn't excuse why you did it to begin with!" He barked, fierce.

I recoiled and stared at his ferocious beauty. And right now he looked so like my Edward that I wanted to consume him.

"Because I loved you. I love you." I said, something so obvious.

I sat up straight, my hand moving of it's own accord to grasp the back of his neck and haul him closer to my own face. He allowed it, not even resisting. He was dragged onto his hands and knees, framing my body.

I stopped him just shy of my lips, still gazing into his fathomless green eyes.

I grazed his bottom lip, and his unconsciously parted—they knew my lips, I was familiar, even if his brain didn't know it, his body definitely did.

I sniffled, hating my tears.

"And I'm tired of pretending I'm okay. Because I'm not. I need you. I want you to fight for me. I want you to come back." I demanded, pulling his mouth close to meet mine.

I kissed him with as much fervour as I could muster. My stomach, rounded, was nestled in between us.

He was hesitant, unsure of me, and himself.

"Bella, I..." he broke the kiss, looking at me with sad, lost eyes.

"You have to remember me," I sobbed, kissing him again.

"You have to."

"I'm trying!" he stressed quietly, mumbling against my lips.

"Try harder!" I cried desperately, my chest thrumming with exertion and hurt.

"For me, do this for me." I urged.

There was barely any tenderness. It was raw, desperate passion. Feeling him cautiously kiss me back was like rubbing salt in an open wound.

I cried harder, soaking the pillow as I leant back against it, bringing him closer, half-lying down.

"We need to stop," he whispered roughly as I sucked his bottom lip between my own.

I was intending to get a reaction from him, some semblance of his old self. I thought this was the best avenue to take. To give him something familiar.

"Please," I whispered, not daring to open my eyes.

Because I could feel his pity, radiating out from his pores, and his eyes which were surely fixed on my pathetic face.

"I can't live without you." My shoulders shook.

I just needed him; a forced his lips open, tugging his hair at the nape of his neck and gasping with each sob in the gaps that our mouths parted.

My tongue slid into his mouth, craving much more than he was giving.

My intervention was quickly turning into a cry for help, but from the wrong party. Right now it was clear I was in dire agony. I was seeking an outlet.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered and I was shocked to find tears on his cheeks, running down his face and dripping from his chin onto my neck.

"I'm sorry, I am." He told me in a quavering voice, shaking his head.

"I know." I responded, gripping his shoulders now.

"Enough is enough, Edward. You need to find yourself and quick because..." I squeezed my eyes shut tight as I felt him lightly touch my cheek with his palm.

"I care for you, even if I don't know you. This is killing me, too."

"Yet you can't understand the magnitude of pain I'm in, watching you broken and searching for yourself. I hate it. I hate everything!" I exclaimed.

"You won't know how I feel until you come back. Right now, _I am begging you!_ This is going to kill me. You need to find yourself again, you need to have _your_ life before I can have my own back, too. Because when you lost yourself, I lost everything I had, too. Besides our baby, which is the only thing keeping me grounded. But even that tether is fraying."

I swallowed.

"Give me my _soul_." I pleaded in an inconsolable whisper.

He was silent for the longest time.

His eyes were bright...illuminated and my eyes widened, forgetting my despair for a moment.

"Edward?" I murmured, cradling his face with my hands.

You could hear the sound of a pin dropping. It was so quiet, so deafening at the same time.

"You're back?" I squeaked hopefully.

Hot droplets fell from his eyes as he shook his head forlornly.

"I'm sorry. There's still nothing."

I dropped my hands limply to my sides, dejected and defeated like a dragon fly with it's wings torn off. I was stumbling, falling from the air...into nothing...

I gently, distantly, pushed my palm against his chest. He moved, sitting back as I crawled out from under him, standing up off the bed and striding out the door.

It was like an itch I couldn't scratch. The pain was something that would never leave, the wounds would never heal if he stayed the way he was.

I felt like shedding my skin, stepping into a new one and starting again. Fresh and alive.

This life was dead.

I stepped into a pair of shoes, forgetting my keys or a purse. My cell phone sat, untouched for weeks, on the kitchen counter.

There was an acidic burn in my toes, it was quickly spreading through my limbs. It had the ability to paralyse me, I was sure. I wanted some fresh air, but the burn never abated.

I found myself stumbling out of the elevator into the parking lot, passing our car and walking straight out onto the street, dusk settling contentedly over the high rises.

The sunset, pink and orange, was marred with the sickening grey clouds. I felt like I was suffocating. For once, I hated this city. I hated these buildings.

I hated the streets, these cars, and the stupid rain.

I hated that I didn't have a normal life.

I hated Heidi. I hated life. It was time that I was given something good, other than heartbreak. I was a good, genuine person, and I deserved more than this.

Why was I being punished? And so harshly?

My brain throbbed inside my skull and my vision was blurry and shimmering around the edges. I walked briskly down my street, finding a snug little alley way to heave the contents of my stomach into.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and walked off.

I wouldn't go home.

A slight drizzle chilled through my skin, soaking my sweater and the blouse beneath it. Grumbling, I stalked down the street, scarce of people. They must have all disappeared into their buildings or found shelter in a nearby cafe or something.

I found a small park; one Edward and I constantly visited. It was a man-made contraption, meticulous grass and a playground. But it backed on the street opposite the University. Battered apartment buildings surrounded it and I once assumed they put it here to soften the look of the drab street front. Broken-through windows, corroded brown stone and graffiti formed the image of homelessness. I slowed my walk to a stroll, although the wind had picked up and the rain poured harder, darkening the sky and the ground below.

My shoes were muddy and covered with grass from walking off the concrete path. The shrubs towards the back end were black and green, obscuring the ugly chain-link fence that separated this block from the one behind it. I sighed drearily.

I shouldn't be here.

I was freezing and I was making my baby suffer.

I turned, my shoe squelching noisily in the softened grass.

My breath caught in my throat as the face in front of me registered in my mind.

"Embry," I choked, the name tasting foreign on my tongue.

"No."

* * *

EPOV

I stared at her retreating form, wondering what she was doing and if I'd managed to cause her more pain.

This was awful, but what I hated most about it? The fact that I didn't know her enough to love her like I knew I should. The memories wouldn't come to the fore, as if they refused to. Or like _I_ was refusing them to.

From what she told me, though. I suppose I understood why I'd never want to remember some of those things.

But surely the good outweighed the tragic?

I heard the front door slam and I dropped onto my back, tired and frustrated with myself.

I wiped angrily at my tears, feeling too vulnerable.

I rung my hands together, worried about Bella going out by herself, especially in the state she was in.

I sat up and ventured back into the living room just as Charlie arrived home.

"Hey, Edward." He greeted me absently, distracted by something.

"Is everything alright?" I wondered, although it probably wasn't any of my business.

"No," he muttered roughly, scrubbing at his tired eyes and throwing his jacket over the arm rest of the sofa.

"Where's Bells?" he asked.

"Um...she got upset...she left..." I sounded so guilty and ashamed that he looked up, startled.

"She left the god damned house?" he demanded with far too much exigency.

"Yes...?"

"Fuck!" he barked, throwing his hands up in the air exaggeratedly before hurling himself back towards the door.

"What's wrong?"

"Everything!" he shouted, livid and red-faced. "She's in trouble. She's in danger and you let her _leave_? By _herself_?" he raged.

I felt weakened by his anger, rattled.

"Come with me. We need to find her." He muttered, grabbing his jacket again and throwing the door back open so it banged into the wall.

I followed, grabbing my coat on the way out, not knowing another option but to obey.

"He hasn't called his parole officer and when she showed up to his apartment to check on him, she saw that he was gone." He finished explaining.

I gulped, shattered, as I squinted through the rain.

We scanned the surrounding block with haste, Charlie's anxiety rubbing off onto me.

I found myself running around, frantically searching for a woman I barely knew, but knowing something was deeply wrong.

I neared a park, by the looks of it. It looked familiar, but I didn't know if I'd ever been there.

A spine tingling scream echoed through the streets, people under their black umbrellas stopping and tuning their heads around in a circle, searching for the source.

That scream...it was Bella's.

"Oh my god." I whispered.

"_What is your problem?" she asked, livid and upset, clenching her small fists as she glared holes into my head._

"_You!" I barked. "You're my problem! I hate you!" I watched her face fall with a sick sense of satisfaction, but an immeasurable amount of self-loathe._

_Standing within feet of her was agony. The pitiful light flickering from the lamp on my desk cast her pale skin in an unnatural glow. It highlighted the gold in her eyes, mesmerising but not deterring my attention from her heart broken face._

_I watched her question of indignation bubble to her lips._

"_Why?" she shrieked, disbelief and pain layering her one word._

"_For making me love you so much!" I admitted in one breath, losing it completely, feeling the landslide of relief combined with anxiety and the undeniable need for her to know._

_I was through with finding a way out, of distraction. It didn't work, and it was never going to. Because I'd found _her.

I choked, my knees buckling before I was swamped with another memory, vivid and loud.

_I wrenched Mike's body away from her's with a brutal amount of force, his head cracking on the solid ground behind him as Bella struggled to sit upright, shaking and hysterical with fear._

_I would end him. I would kill each and every one of them for trying to take her away._

_For even thinking it._

_I pounded my fist into his maniacal face, blood spurting from each crack of his nose my fist made. I did this with all of them, finding myself blind with aggression and rage. A deep pit of darkness swelled within me at the thought of them hurting her, forcing her...killing her..._

_I yelled as I hit them, breaking them even as they lost the fight with staying conscious. But I heard her voice, pulling me from the strange blackness and consoling _me.

I fell to my knees in the street, distraught with a pounding head from the onslaught of images...voices. All hers. They flitted like black and white film, mixing together, disjointed.

_I love you...You think it's not killing me?...No, no, my Dad doesn't need to hear about this...What does this mean, what happens now?...Love you too, Mr. Cullen..._

_I can be a little clumsy...I can't, I need to go now...No, don't do this...I was so afraid you were going to let this go...Are you jealous of the guys in my grade?...Why do you always back away?...Touche...I need you...I want to be with you, I want to have my first time with you...Oh my god!...Now. Do it. Please...I'm, I'm just, so happy..._

Thousands of frames of her face filled my mind, flipping like the pages of an antique book. From all angles, all expressions, every different kind of light.

I knew her.

Bella. My Bella.

I was home.

I saw her, small and clumsy in my English class. I saw Tanya, her pathetic expression of distaste when she set her eyes on Bella. I remembered my rage from her treatment towards her.

I saw Bella's sparkling, delirious smile. I felt her lips, a thousand times over. I felt her body, her curves, small and supple. I remembered what it was like to be with her. I remembered her look of shock and ecstasy as she cried my name. I felt myself inside of her.

I remembered her dazzling happiness when she told me she was pregnant.

I remembered the gradual swell of her belly.

And I remembered the pure, unbridled, ferocious fear in her brown orbs the moment Heidi held that gun to her.

I hauled myself to my feet, following the sound, begging myself to go faster.

Pleading. Praying.

I hadn't opened the flood gates. I was afraid to know her. Afraid of losing her again; but that's exactly what it took to break the barrier.

Two people were locked in an embrace. It was a split-second before I realised they weren't lovers or friends. The familiar curve of Bella's cheek was visible, the shriek from her throat resounding between the buildings as a black figure tried to wrestle her to the ground.

Darkness was falling and the rain was heavy.

And it was for the last time that I would see my Bella wage a battle alone.

* * *

_Just in case you hadn't noticed, I went through almost every chapter of Indecent Affairs to get those quotes from Bella. I know, I'm amazing._

_*chuckles*_

_Oh and the whole park thing--I don't have a map of Seattle, and I'm too lazy to google. So for the purpose of this story, there is a park. I'm sure at least one exists in Seattle anyway. BYE!  
_


	13. Whisper

_Hey guys! Birobird here! I know this chapter is shorter, but that's because it's just a follow up to the last one which should have been in two chapters, I reckon. Anyways, my chapter size varies a lot. I can't write more if there isn't any more, otherwise I'll be doing useless shit._

_Hope you enjoy this one. I thought this song was appropriate: **"She took my heart, I think she took my soul."**  
_

* * *

_Stranded in this spooky town_  
_ Stoplights are swaying and the phone lines are down_  
_ This floor is crackling cold_  
_ She took my heart, I think she took my soul_  
_ With the moon I run_  
_ Far from the carnage of the fiery sun_

_ Driven by the strangled vein_  
_ Showing no mercy I do it again_  
_ Open up your eye_  
_ You keep on crying, baby_  
_ I'll bleed you dry_  
_ The skies are blinking at me_  
_ I see a storm bubbling up from the sea_

_ And it's coming closer_  
_ And it's coming closer_

_ You, shimmy shook my bone_  
_ Leaving me stranded all in love on my own_  
_ What do you think of me_  
_ Where am I now? Baby where do I sleep_  
_ Feel so good but I'm old,_  
_ 2000 years of chasing taking its toll_

_ And it's coming closer_

_Kings of Leon- Closer  
_

* * *

"But..." my voice held no volume, it blew from my mouth like an inaudible whisper, floating like a ghost on the wind.

"No!" I mouthed, terror gripping me from the inside out.

My stomach tightened and my heart clenched; my muscles felt tired out and weak, not strong enough to run away.

I'd wasted all my energy on finding Edward. And now that it was just a lost cause, I was exhausted. I had broken my promise to keep trying. I was past making an effort to help, because it's exactly what I needed someone to give _me._

Flickering, incandescent memories erupted before my eyes.

I could taste the salt water of the ocean on my tongue, the stinging, cold whip of the rain and air on my cheeks. I smelled the familiar moss and tree rot of the forest outside La Push.

Malevolently, he smiled and breathed deeply, as if sensing my fear like a snake and feeding on it for power.

"It's been a long time, Bella." He opened his eyes and fixed them upon me.

"You know this was all your fault." He muttered, losing his lavish tone.

I shook my head, ready to plead.

"No, I—please—"

"Shut up!" he barked, taking a long stride forward.

I stumbled backwards, almost losing my footing on the slippery grass, my body shivering from the icy droplets pelting down on me from the sinisterly grey clouds.

He was skinnier than when I last saw him; my mind quickly registered the small shifts in his appearance. He looked ill.

He bore huge purple bruises under his eyes, most probably from exhaustion; his eyelids were grey and pearly, lidded but focussed intently.

His lips were chapped and dry, his skin looking sallow and nowhere near as close to his usual natural russet tan.

His brown hair stuck to his skull with the rain, curving longer around his face than that night almost two years ago.

He wore a long, black cloak, appropriate attire for a maniac; he looked truly insane with the way he stared at me.

"I never really had much against you, Bella. Of course you know about the drugs—I bought it off one of my connections on the res."

"If it was just the drugs then why do you want to hurt me?" I let tumble out, voice shaking under the weight of this horror.

He began stalking me, circling me like a vulture circling a carcass. He raised his predatory gaze back into mine, fisting his hands and smiling.

"Because if it weren't for you, maybe Jacob wouldn't have been killed." He spat, looking down at me much the same way one would grimace at a cockroach.

"Dead?" I breathed, disbelief colouring my tone; and a hint of relief.

"Yeah I thought you might get a rise out of that." He sneered, lowering his eyes to my belly.

I stretched my hands around it. If I had nothing else left in this world, I still had my child; an innocent who needed protecting. As long as she was a part of my physical form, I'd fight to keep her safe, to ensure she had a life to live.

I would not bury my child; nor would Charlie bury his.

"You need to leave." I warned, glaring at his forehead, afraid to meet his eyes.

"You sounded relieved, Bella—weren't you fond of my friend?" he mocked, darkly, ignoring me.

"Turns out kids like us don't get treated real well in a place like that," he kicked a loose stone across the ground, my eyes darted to follow it then met his again.

"He was brutalised. Repeatedly. He was some guys bitch until he couldn't take it anymore. Killed himself." He lifted his chin, chewing on his cheeks as he cracked his knuckles.

"He was like a brother. Did I tell you how close I am to my family?" he laughed darkly, shaking his head and taking another step closer which I matched with a step back.

"Careful now, there's not enough space to keep backing up. You'll be stuck with me sooner or later." He chuckled.

I decided the best tactic was to keep him occupied, keep him talking about things. Why he was here, why he wanted to kill me. It would distract him from the actual act. And maybe someone might notice by then.

"I almost got your fucking fiancée out of the way..." he spurted cruelly.

My chest burned and I felt something ignite in my veins.

"That stupid bitch was supposed to seduce him. Guess I didn't realise how whipped the fucker was. I just assume he was with you for your pussy. Then I learned that in crime; you never assume."

"You...you set that up?"

He raised an eyebrow, answering my speculation and confirming my horror.

"Then the bitch shot him, which wouldn't have been bad at all except for the fact that you were never alone," he growled, suddenly indignant.

"He's got his memory back!" I bluffed, lying so hard it hurt my teeth.

"He'll be wondering where I am...and he'll come after you." I cried desperately.

He shook his head and smiled patiently then frowned, looking around us. I stared with him, following his gaze, squinting through the heavy downpour. I was completely soaked, my body freezing and my muscles cramped from the temperature.

I shifted from foot to foot, my shoes covered with grass and mud. The splatters of rain caused the loose dirt to splash up my legs.

I was wearing a dress with long sleeves, the thick, thermal material growing heavy like led with the water.

I brushed my hair from my face.

"I don't...see him anywhere..." he trailed off, grinning.

He looked back to me with a smirk.

"Do you?"

I shuddered but didn't answer, didn't give him the satisfaction of knowing he was right. Because Edward won't come for me.

Edward will never come for me.

I was surprised that I was acting calm enough to say something in response. Perhaps I'd grown immune to people manipulating my emotions; drinking up my fear and hate.

"I don't know what you think I deserve, but you're wrong." Despite my semi-confidence, my words still wavered with suppressed fright.

The rain running off my face clumped my eyelashes together, my lips quivered and my nose felt stuffy. I knew I was crying but my tears were drowned in the rain.

"See, that is where you are _wrong!_" he yelled.

"You deserve everything I'm going to do to you! From the moment you stepped into Forks, everything was your fault, _EVERYTHING!_" he bellowed, emptying all noise but his voice from around us.

Like pin pricks aimed all over my body; his words stung with their intent finality.

He was going to do this.

_Stall him!_ A voice in my head ordered me.

"So, it was you that day. You're the one that grabbed me." I blurted out.

"You-you tried to take me, didn't you?"

This awakened another scowl from him, turning his lips downwards at the corners, his eyes flashing.

"I would have done what I wanted with you then, but of course I hadn't planned it very well. That's when I met the notorious Heidi. But enough of that—I can see what you're trying to do."

He strode with quick steps up to me, not giving me time to defend myself or to even raise my arms. I was done for; but I would not lose myself. I wouldn't leave this world knowing I'd taken this fate lying down, dealt by the hands of this vile person.

If one could describe him as an actual _person._

He did not bear a soul, and if he did, it was tainted by vile blood, wrapped with muscle, skin, and bone.

Unsalvageable from the pit he had fallen into.

A miniscule swell of pity formed inside me, before my heart flooded with last minute despair. Embry's hands closed over my neck, squeezing tight and without hesitation. He would not be cautious. He wasn't prolonging it; his priority was to end me.

This would also be the most painful method.

Fierce with protectiveness for my child, I reached up to my neck, closing my hands around his and prising them away, using all my strength.

Of course I was no match for a full grown male, but I still had other tactics; raising my knee into his groin with enough force to hurt _myself_, Embry yelled out in pain, his knees buckling but his hands refusing to relent.

I fought.

"You won't win," he taunted, gritting his teeth with red eyes.

I gasped and choked, my body automatically fighting for air.

"You're pathetic."

I felt my head grow lighter; my lungs ached painfully with their need for oxygen that would not come.

"I will always win." I ground out, barely audible.

My words felt truer than I thought they would.

"And you..." I gasped.

"You will always lose."

I closed my eyes, clawing at his worthless hands and gaining a repairing breath. It was like heaven!

I used the air to scream.

"No, I win this time." He growled, eyes glowing with a fury so hot I felt it smoulder like liquid metal on my skin.

I cried out unintelligibly before he squeezed harder and I struggled with as much force.

But I could quickly feel my body letting go.

A cry of rage echoed around the clearing of space, bouncing off the rain and ringing in my throbbing ears. My eyes flung open to the realisation that we were not alone.

I tried flinging myself to the side, but his hands would not let go, my vision gradually fading into a dreary blackness around the edges.

I caught something with my eye, over Embry's shoulder—another dark form, hunched and trudging determinedly toward us.

It looked like the rain bounced off him, for his energy was so strong, so fiery and enraged, that even Mother Nature was afraid to approach.

I blinked and that's when Embry keeled over, hands loosening but not enough. I fell to the ground with him, collapsing into the cold mud, suffocating.

I rolled onto my back. The hands that were curled roughly around my neck were gone, as was the body they were attached to. I blinked against the rain, falling straight into my eyes and blinding me as I heard the chaos of growls and yelling close by.

"Edward!" I cried, discerning his coppery hair, his long sleeved grey shirt, his jeans and his general posture, locked into an intense fight with my attacker.

I turned my head to gain a better view just as Embry clocked him in the jaw, blood spraying from Edward's mouth.

I screamed.

"Leave him alone!" I sobbed, panicked.

I changed my mind! I didn't care that he couldn't remember! He was still in there somewhere! I wasn't willing to give him up, I never was!

I was still willing to try!

"Stop!" I screeched harshly, my throat aching dryly, bruised.

Edward recovered quicker than I thought possible, straightening his back and springing like a coiled cobra, striking his prey; his fist collided with Embry, his head snapping the other way. I heard the sickening crunch of broken bone.

He'd successfully shattered Embry's cheek bone. Good.

Edward was seething, huffing like an enraged bull, ready to annihilate, like an atomic bomb.

He bent at the waist and I thought he was growing tired; I wailed but just as Embry regained his posture, Edward rammed him in the torso with his shoulder, tackling him.

He growled and cursed as he punched him, again and again.

I hoisted myself up until I was kneeling; my chest rattled with each breath as I cried his name out. I was shivering uncontrollably; my muscles wouldn't stop spasming from the cold.

"I'll. Fucking. Kill. You." He grunted, accentuating each word with a blow to Embry's face.

Embry took them all, unable to raise his defences, but he wasn't defeated yet; he still had an undeniable force of hatred fuelling his power. He wasn't done.

"She cheated on you. Why would you try to save her?" Embry snarled, shoving him off so that Edward stumbled backwards and rolled onto his side.

"She's worthless—she's been fucking another man the whole time you've been together!" he lied, a sad attempt at placing a seed of doubt in Edward's mind.

He threw a kick into Edward's stomach, catching him in a vulnerable position and causing him to groan and roll onto his back. I clutched my stomach, terrified as I tried to crawl closer.

But he didn't need my help, apparently. He rolled over again, getting to his feet in one fluid movement that my eyes didn't catch, pounding his fist into Embry's stomach while gripping his shoulder with the other to keep him upright.

He didn't utter a word in response to Embry's empty goading.

He worked in a robotic-like fashion, if he fell, he always got up and gave Embry double in return. The muscles in his back rippled with each punch, his face covered with purple and red blotches, blood dribbling down his chin.

Embry looked much worse; blood smeared his face and soaked the front of his shirt, mixing with the rain. His mouth gaped and his right eye was swollen half-closed. But Edward didn't stop. He kept hurting him.

"Never," he growled.

"Never. Fuck with _her._"

Embry fell to his knees as I slowly got to my own feet, fighting the urge to fall back down again. I cupped a hand to my neck, feeling the tenderness there as I watched their exchange.

"_Do you understand me?!"_ Edward roared, his face growing pink as he fisted Embry's shirt.

He sagged against Edward's feet, half-conscious and gradually losing the battle.

Edward kicked him and his body sprawled pathetically over the expanse of muddied grass, bloodied and broken.

I studied the heaving breaths Edward took, his chest rising and falling rapidly, battling to get more air as he calmed down...infinitesimally.

He spat on Embry, blood mixed with saliva.

He landed another kick in his ribs which gained no response but quite possibly broke some of his ribs.

I swayed on my feet, feeling nausea creep through my stomach...burning...

"Edward." I whispered and his head snapped up as if just realising I was still here.

I felt like I'd been run over by a train; or the sky opened up and a lightning bolt split me down the middle. Every power in the Earth was amplified and channelled through his eyes.

Piercing straight through my own, not stopping until they penetrated my _soul._

This Edward knew me.

He didn't move, his eyes remained locked on mine, centred on each other so intensely that I could barely feel the icy air or the chilling bite of the rain still hitting my skin, soaking through it.

I was chilled to the bone; but with his eyes slicing through my own, I felt the burn of a million fires kindle somewhere deep within me.

He took a slow, tentative step forward; as if he were approaching an injured, frightened bird. He kept his arms straight at his sides, hands still fisted into tight balls and eyes as stone hard as green granite, but molten like liquid emeralds at the same time.

My teeth chattered and he progressively close the distance between us, leaving two feet of space.

I had to crane my neck to keep my eyes on his as he towered over me.

"Don't ever try to leave again." He said, voice loud and authoritative but tinged with a silent plea, his tone shattered and quivering with rage.

I reached my hand up to his bloody lip and stroked my thumb over it in wonder.

"You saved me."

His eyes flickered incredulously to mine.

"You took something of mine, you know." He accused, frowning, but his hand rested on top of mine.

I was confused now.

"I remember."

I choked on whatever I was going to say and I felt tears well in my eyes, the rain dissipating slightly.

"You took _me_, everything; the day I met you."

A giant lump lodged in my throat, preventing me from saying anything. So, I just watched him with tears blurring my vision.

"I've loved you since the beginning, even before you knew it. I remember it all; and I remember this," he placed his hand over my bulging stomach and I sobbed, louder than I expected.

I sucked in a breath, my lips trembling in such an intensely acute relief that it almost felt like I was in pain.

"I'm sorry I left you all alone." He breathed, closing his eyes in agony.

I cried out too, releasing everything with him as he pulled my body to his frantically. I sucked in breath after breath, tasting dirt and blood in my mouth.

I clutched to him, terrified of releasing him in case...well what if he was my imagination?

Losing contact meant this wasn't real and I couldn't comprehend that.

Ever.

"We need to get you to a hospital." He stated suddenly.

"Charlie," he murmured, adding his name as an after-thought.

"Fuck—where is he?" he leant down, grasping behind my knees and gently swinging me up into his arms.

"What about—"

"I'll take care of him." He muttered darkly, sauntering hastily out onto the street.

"Baby!" I heard Charlie's familiar drawl resound from down the street.

"Bella! Oh, Bella! No, no!" he yelled.

"I'm fine, Dad." I reassured him as he ran up to us, hugging myself tightly to Edward's chest, listening to the comforting cadence of his heart.

"Oh, baby—your neck." He pointed out, upset but furious at the same time.

"He's back there." He nodded his head subtly, indicating some private, shared agreement or something.

Charlie stalked past us, talking to himself before I realised he was speaking fast and loud into a cell phone.

The lights of Seattle at night seemed to hypnotise me, and I couldn't be sure I hadn't dreamt the entire night. Except the evidence was there on the flesh of my neck; bruised and sore.

"You're back." I muttered, the last words I remember uttering.

"Honey—oh, Bella!" I heard Esme rasp out in horror, her voice becoming louder followed by the rhythmic clack of heels across linoleum.

I managed to pry my eyes apart to look at her, blinking hard.

She leaned down, hugging me gingerly, like you would a cactus. She smelled of Chanel and looked as pleasant and motherly as ever.

"Esme?" I croaked, but found my voice entirely too painful to use.

"Sweetheart, don't speak, you're throat is very bruised." She requested with a sweet, apologetic smile.

"Where?" I mouthed, looking around.

"Hospital." That much was obvious. "Seattle. Edward will be back soon, he's uh...he's being difficult. Acting like he's stepping on coals; he won't sit still while they examine him." She shook her head fondly.

I just stared at her questioningly before remembering how hurt Edward actually had been after the fight.

"Yes, he's...he's a bit distraught, love. He hasn't fared well without seeing you. He doesn't like to be told what to do by the nurses. He broke his hand." She chewed on her lip.

"Honestly, it's like putting a rabid wolf inside a small box. He's insane with worry."

I nodded mutely, my tears betraying me again. I sniffled, unable to help myself.

And so I cried in front of my soon-to-be mother-in-law. She stroked my hair back from my face until we heard a faint, hesitant knock at the door. I dabbed at my eyes with the corner of the thermal blanket I was covered in.

Esme stood up to answer it, the person waiting whispered to her so I couldn't hear, shuffling their feet a lot, as if they were scared of seeing me. She looked back at me warily before disappearing out the door, but leaving it open.

I frowned, staring at the empty threshold before a mop of coppery gold mess bobbed into view, attached to the body I worshipped, the lips I lavished, the face I craved and the eyes that burned when they looked at me.

"You could have died." He muttered, eyes darkened in the dim light, his tone and his posture suggesting he was very carefully veiling how upset he truly was.

He stared at me, eyes wide.

"So could you."

His eyes narrowed into slits, incredulous and nasty.

"I'd always die for you, a thousand of times over." He responded, rapping a hand around his head and tugging at his hair before sitting down at the arm chair resting beside my pillow.

I turned my head, aware of how bad I must look, but not caring in the least.

"By now, you should know that. I would always give my own life." He stressed, watching me seriously.

"I just wish it didn't always come down to your life on the line." He murmured, eyes dropping from mine and staring at his hands which he now propped up on my bed, right beside my elbow.

Neither of us opened our mouths.

I didn't reach for his hand, and he didn't reach for mine.

"You were gone." I whispered, clenching my eyes shut to repress the pain that came with the weeks of empty stares, confused gazes and wary words.

"You didn't know me." I choked, closing my lips together then.

"I do now." He pledged in a broken breath.

He scrubbed at his face, gasping in a breath before slowly blowing it out through his lips in one gust. His hands were shaking and I noticed the ugly red grazes over his knuckles.

"And I've worked out why I didn't before." He added.

I opened my eyes, my cheeks burning with hot, salty tears.

"Because I was afraid." He murmured. "Loving you is so strong, so consuming that I was terrified of losing it again. I couldn't handle it, or I was scared to."

He leaned in closer, grasping my hand tightly in his to place it on top of my belly. He rubbed his fingers over mine, his other hand, wrapped firmly with white gauze, sat on my pillow just above my head.

He lowered his head, placing his forehead against my temple and placing a tender kiss there.

"But not knowing you would be worse."

He sucked in another breath, inhaling my hair.

"I'm home now anyway. I've found you."

I squeezed his hand as tightly as my muscles would allow, crying profusely and in never ending rivulets down my face.

"It's been hell without you—like living with a different person." I cried, shaking under his hold.

"It felt like you'd actually died. Do you have any idea what that's like?"

He knelt beside my bed.

"I've gone through it more times than I can care to think; I hate thinking about losing you, I hate knowing one day I might. So, _yes—_I know how it feels."

He was meant to look indignant and angry; but his face crumpled, his mouth curving downwards in a sad grimace, his eyes conveying just how much agony he was in. Something I was prepared to rid him of.

For good.

"I love you so much." He breathed against my lips.

My eyes fluttered closed and with impossibly painful suspense, his mouth finally touched mine.

The baby kicked under our joined hands.


	14. Impromptu

_I love your reviews! Keep them coming!_

_Just a warning: lemon and fluff in this chapter. I'm taking it easy on the angst. For a bit._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I just like to fuck with SM's characters and make them feast on lemons._

_Shoutout to Aikotayo (you know why! Thanks for translating IA:1!) Lethar88, of course. And all of my other loyal reviwers._

_I apologise sincerely for the long wait!  
_

* * *

"You'd think I would have died from stress by now." Edward murmured.

I frowned, rolling over onto my other side. I couldn't sleep on my back anymore, it felt like my fucking spine was locked in a steel vice.

The pressure from the weight of the baby was too painful and uncomfortable, so I always slept on my side. I managed to, laboriously, switch sides so I was facing Edward on the bed.

It was dark outside already and I had immediately fallen asleep as soon as I caught sight of my deliciously comfy coverlet the moment we arrived home earlier in the afternoon.

I realised I'd been unconscious for six hours, as it was seven-thirty pm already. My mouth felt cottony and tasted bitter. I was starving for food right now and my ankles were throbbing.

I wedged my hand under my cheek as I rested my head back on the pillow, gazing into his eyes.

I'd almost lost this.

I sighed, taking my free left hand and raising it mid-air above me. Edward mimicked my movement, releasing his grip on my waist for a moment to flatten his palm against my own.

"It just..." he whispered.

I looked up to watch his face. His eyes glowed iridescently in the dim room. They were green, but warm...

But the most perceptible change?

I could register each emotion running through them and confusion was not one of them. He wasn't frowning or squinting, trying to grasp around in the dark for an answer he couldn't find for a face he didn't recognise.

When he looked at me, he knew me.

When he laid his eyes on me...we were whole.

"It doesn't seem real, you know?" he never took his eyes off our joined hands.

I bent my fingers forward, linking them with his.

"You never expect these things to happen to you in the first place," he mutters, brow furrowing again.

I imagined he was going to procure some stress lines between his eye brows soon. But it didn't worry me, nor did my own impending wrinkles, because I knew they'd exist, and I would spend my life noticing them, growing used to them, loving them as part of me, and him.

They would make this real. I didn't have perfect. It wasn't something that truly appealed to me. Because nobody was, and nothing ever is.

Edward was perfect, because he was so imperfect.

"You never expect it." I heard him swallow, his adam's apple bobbing down the column of his throat.

His jaw was sprinkled with stubble. And not only did his face and body betray his exhaustion, but so did his eyes. The man behind them was tired.

"And even when it does, it's a shock, but you assume that that's it. That is the end. All your suffering has been dealt for this lifetime." He shook his head in dark, ironic amusement.

"To have it happen more than once?" he looked at me, eyes as cold as glaciers but as fiery as the core of the sun.

"In a just world...the bad people are punished and the good people are rewarded." He sighed.

"You are a good person, Bella." He said firmly, speaking as if it were a promise.

"But in that scenario, you are assuming the world is just. And we both know it's definitely the other way around." I explained.

He smiled sadly.

"But never doubt what I said." He added in the same solid tone.

I stared at him.

"You shouldn't either, not about yourself." I reminded him sternly.

He looked down, avoiding my eyes.

"If I was a good man, we wouldn't be here. You would be living in Forks. You're life would never have been in danger...repeatedly." his sentence finished with clenched teeth.

Forcing the words through his lips, he continued.

"This..." he motioned between us. "...wouldn't exist."

"But you don't regret any of it?" I asked, straining under the swell of sadness and false loss that overcame me when I pictured his words.

"Some of it."

I nodded.

"Maybe I should have been more safety conscious." I muttered, my lips turning up in a sense of morbid hilarity.

He glared at me, squeezing my hand tighter, but didn't say anything in response.

"I'm sorry." I murmured regrettably. "That was stupid."

"You just hit a nerve, Bella. That's all." He assured me, although I don't know how it was reassuring at all.

"Every word you say hits a nerve, it usually depends on whether it's a good nerve or a bad one."

I bit my lip. But the action didn't feel like vulnerability; I felt as old as the withered books I so often read.

"Aren't you...just..."

I licked my lips, swallowed and looked up at him again.

"Aren't you just..._so...tired?_" I implored, stressing each word.

"I'm to the point of never wanting to wake up again. But...that's now. I won't feel that way later. And if I slept forever, I'd never be able to see you."

I closed my eyes. Tears didn't evade me, falling in hot trails down my cheeks and nose.

"I don't want you to feel this way. I'm...I'm the reason you hate the world right now. _You_ are a good person. You teach, you direct, you help people understand the ways of the world. And I've replaced that with cynicism and rage." I shook my head.

"Now you're tired...too tired for life." I sniffed, loathing myself.

The fraying edge of my pillowcase scratched at my cheek as I tried to shamelessly bury my face.

"I am tired." Edward agreed.

"I'm so, so tired right now, Bella. And you're right, I do hate a lot of things, too."

I watched the muscles in his jaw move, the right side of his face a mass of purplish bruises, deepening in colour with days past.

I brushed my thumb unconsciously over his knuckles, feeling the raw skin under my fingertip. He still bore the damage. And my neck was still stiff.

"But I hate, because _they_ made me hate." He spat through clenched teeth, his biceps tensing, his forearms stiffening and his hands clenching.

"Who?" I mumbled into the pillow.

"Embry, Jacob, Tanya, Alec, Quil, Angela, Mike, Heidi..." he breathed in through his nose, as if breathing hard would help him maintain control over his emotions.

"They make me mad. They make me hate. But Bella, you make me love. You give me love, the most pure, haunting thing. I know I'm just repeating myself, but if I didn't have you...I wouldn't have stayed living in this world."

I hated hearing him talk of his own death so easily.

"Despite being exhausted, and wanting to rest for a million years, I _will always be here._ Every selfish thought I have leaves my brain where you're concerned. Despite being exhausted..." he repeated.

"Despite that, I will always fight for us. I'm never too tired to fight for you." He vowed deeply.

"Then can you do me a favour?" I ventured, raising my bleary eyes to meet his.

"You don't even have to ask."

"Don't give up on yourself just yet." I whispered, investing every ounce of love, adoration, devotion and respect into my tone.

I took a deep breath.

"I've failed you...so many times. I almost let you watch me kill a man, when you were hurt, scared...what kind of man does that make _me_?"

"It makes you my hero, so don't try to define your actions to protect me as some awful wrong-doing." I shook my head, lifting it slightly.

"I'm not that honourable..." he frowned down at me as if I'd insulted him, then sighed, shaking his head in disbelief. "And yet you still love me."

I brought our joined hands to my lips and kissed them. He kissed my nose, loosening his hand from my grip before tangling it in my hair.

I touched the bruises on his face, in remembrance of his loyalty and defence.

I stroked the grazes on his knuckles and caused him to shudder, his mouth pressing against mine. I closed my eyes, our lips parted and I breathed him in.

He sighed against my lips, and I could taste him on my tongue.

I let my hands gradually wander up his forearms, stroking up his biceps before curling around his neck, my fingers splaying in the too-long hair at the nape of his neck. He hadn't had a hair cut for a few weeks.

It was a tangled inferno of bronze strands, like silk between my fingers. His groan was like the plucking of a harp strings to my ears; like music of old times, nostalgic and beautiful.

I reminded myself that it had been too long since Edward and I had been physical. I had blocked out my need for him the past few weeks in order to focus on his needs instead of mine. I was solely fixated on getting him back; I was trying hard not to be selfish and horny.

Edward's identity returned—I could let go of everything and just _be._

_Have. Take. Give. Love._

My tongue brushed his lips, begging entrance into his mouth just before he invaded mine. He tasted like mint-toothpaste-deliciousness, and smelled wonderfully Edward-y.

I pulled his face to mine with more force, eager for the connection, anxious and impatient for what I knew would soon follow this kiss.

I may have been uncomfortably pregnant, but my libido was soaring, and without having it sated, I was rabid for the attention my body craved.

Edward understood perfectly it seemed. I felt his hands move from my hair, down my back in tingling delicateness.

I hummed into his mouth, moving my tongue further, sliding it alongside his, licking and sucking. I was quickly overcome with need, my arms quivering and my panties moistening. I slid my hand down his chest, over his t-shirt that clung to his torso so very nicely.

His stomach tightened under my touch and his breathing hitched as I slid my hand under the hem of his shirt, reaching for his belt buckle, the button, the zipper and focussing on the subsequent task of removing them.

"I think I've missed this the most." I moaned as his lips moved from my mouth to my neck, his tongue darting out to touch my skin, his teeth gently nipping.

I shivered and gasped in frequent intervals, overexcited and impatient.

"You have no idea." Edward returned with trademark melt-your-cast-iron-panties smirk.

It was easy to recognise the buried emotional burden behind his eyes, but he was letting go of it for the moment, enjoying something that wasn't tainted.

Something that was more than just fun, and pleasure.

It was love.

And of course, a precursor indicating said love-making involved the shedding of clothing.

I felt lighter already, only weighed down by the suffocating fabrics that kept our skin from touching, rubbing, feeling.

I managed to loosen the buckle, but my fingers weren't nimble enough to complete the job, so Edward hastily pushed himself up onto his knees, pulled his shirt off in one fluid movement before undoing his jeans, lying back and kicking them off.

I thought _I _was impatient.

He looked like he was going to poke an eye out with his speed.

He grasped his hands on either side of my waist, my baby bulge nestled between us, and dragged me closer so he was kneeling between my legs.

"We're gonna have to do this differently..." I stated shyly.

"I can't be on my back."

Chest rising rapidly in anticipation, he nodded with bright eyes and leant down to kiss me again, his fingers leaving trails of fire down my sides, over my hips until they reached the waist band of my sweat pants.

I rolled ungracefully with a face full of blush, onto my side. Edward rubbed the small of my back and I groaned in ecstasy. His hands were magic on my sore, knotted muscles.

He skimmed his finger tips over thighs, circling patterns over my flesh, like he was writing his name...

I glanced up in time to notice his smile and the heaviness of his eyelids as he pulled my panties down. I sighed, unreasonably bashful at being revealed to him.

It's not that I wasn't used to it in general. But he hadn't seen me naked for a while; I'd definitely grown bigger since the last time.

My heart was thumping in double time, and I wanted him closer, but I wanted to cover myself back up.

I reached for the blanket but Edward stopped me with a firm, warm hand to my wrist, which he brought up to his lips, inhaling and smiling with his eyes closed before linking our fingers together. He laid himself down beside me, spooning his body behind mine, like he would if we were just sleeping. Another novelty I had missed with all my heart. It made me homesick, and excited to be sleeping in the same bed again.

Taught angry muscle against soft curves. I felt his body heat press harder against me, his hand resting protectively over my belly. He must have felt the reluctance in my body, because he paused and raised himself up to look down at me. He touched the back of his hand to my hot cheek with a frown.

"What's wrong?" he whispered worriedly.

"Are you feeling okay?"

I nodded, insecure.

"I-You haven't seen me...like this," I glanced down at my body.

"For a while."

Edward sighed and pouted childishly, resting his chin on my arm that was flush against my side. I craned my neck to the left, watching him with confusion.

"I'll say it everyday if that's what it takes you to believe it, but...you're beautiful, Bella. Sexy..." he murmured, voice a deep, smooth tenor that made my bones feel soft.

He lifted my chin with his fingers and pressed his lips to mine again, to prove a point.

"Okay." I whispered.

"What?" he pressed, and I could feel his smile.

"Okay. I believe you." I relented begrudgingly.

The muscles in his shoulders tightened and rippled with each movement he made. His hand easily stretched to circle around my waist, as his shoulders were so broad.

He helped me out of my t-shirt, an old Guns and Roses one that I found in a second hand shop with Renee when I was fifteen.

It was way too big for me back then, I suppose I didn't know how well it worked as maternity wear. I reached behind me, desperate to feel him. He hissed, his hips unconsciously thrusting forwards as I grasped his cock, hard and ready. I hummed with a small smile on my face as I tightened my hand and stroked him up and down. He palmed my breast, bare because I never wore bras anymore and gently massaged them. My nipples hardened as he tweaked them and the moisture seeping out of my core grew uncomfortable. I rubbed my thighs together to help get the friction I desired. The fulfilment.

I licked my lips and Edward moaned again, panting, pressing dozens of kisses to my bare shoulder. I lifted my left leg so my foot was flat against the bed, my legs parted. I was ready to touch myself, just a little, just to relieve the pressure, the heated tension coiled in a tight knot down there.

I sucked in a breath as Edward's hand beat me to the punch, rubbing my inner thigh, flattening his palm between my legs, letting me feel the warmth of his skin against mine before he pushed two fingers against my clit.

I cried out in relinquished tension from no physical contact for weeks.

"Oh, God!" I cried hard, similar to a sob.

I grasped Edward's hand, begging him to go faster, to be more invasive, harder.

I pressed my hand against his fingers, urging him, showing him what I needed. I bucked my hips before he finally rewarded me by inserting a finger inside me. I was practically fucking his hand as he rubbed me, adding a second and third finger into my pussy.

I bit down hard on my bottom lip, my back arching.

My fingers curled and my thighs pressed together, attempting to maintain the pleasure he elicited from his hand.

"I can't wait anymore!" I begged.

"I love you." He whispered.

"I-love y-you," I panted out.

He raised my leg a little higher, removing his fingers which made me whimper from the loss of contact. His fingers stroked up my slit before I felt the tip of his penis brush my wet centre.

I gasped, clutching the sheets with damp fingers.

With a grunt, he entered me at a controlled force, carefully angling my hips to gain better access.

I was thrown into oblivion like a weightless feather into a wind storm. I was taken by the current, the forces around me: Edward.

He breathed heavily through his teeth, keeping a slow pace so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

I grasped his hand that palmed my breast as he began moving his hips rhythmically, the connection of our bodies growing slick as he slid in and out of me.

His tongue licked up my neck, his kisses dotted the entire space between my ear and shoulder blade. His kisses paused and he pressed his face into my hair, grunting.

"Deeper," I moaned, gasping for air.

"Like this?" he asked, pushing into my harder.

I lost my breath, my stuttering words; instead I just nodded and tried to maintain even breaths. I felt a light layer of sweat accumulate over my chest and forehead. I felt the heat of my flush spread downwards as I neared the peak.

"Just a little..." I whimpered. "...further..."

I made high pitched cries as I neared the rush of pleasure and pain. The coiled knot tightened infinitely more until coming undone, a wave of longing ecstasy knocking me over with it's force. My walls tightened around his still erect cock, which prolonged the thrusting to a point where I was beyond what pleasure I had obtained.

I screamed.

Edward huffed a deep lungful of air into my hair, hitting the back of my neck and raising goose bumps. He shuddered, his hands clenching into fists, the tendons standing out against his forearms. I caught a glimpse of his face as he came. His jaw was tight, like it was wired shut, the veins in his neck popping out and a pinkish flush appearing at his hairline.

I noticed the sweat at his temples as his brow furrowed, eyes squeezing shut before flicking open and finding mine. He emptied himself inside me, his muscles gradually relaxing after he thrust once more before slowing to a stop.

"Never too tired for you." He mumbled against my cheek.

* * *

I woke up with gargantuan cravings.

Edward was still fast asleep in bed, like I'd knocked him out with a bottle of pills. I laid a sweet kiss against his mouth and carefully crawled out of bed, pulling on some random clothes to remain conspicuous in a house Charlie was in.

I'm sure if he was home during what Edward and I did last night, he'd be scarred to the bone.

Elated with this clean break, I pranced, or more like waddled around the kitchen to rustle up some breakfast. I couldn't stand eating bacon or eggs, so I just grabbed a whole box of Count Chocula and a huge metal mixing bowl. I uncapped the huge milk bottle and covered the cereal.

I dropped the empty box beside the trash and went to sit in the living room to eat.

I switched the T.V on and settled in.

It was still early morning, so whatever sitcoms or melodrama repeats were on I'd rather die than watch. I sighed and left the channel on a fitness programme.

When I heard two heavy knocks at the door, I slopped myself with my breakfast and immediately thought of screaming out in terror.

Placing my food down on the coffee table with shaky hands, I considered running to the kitchen to grab a knife, or Edward's baseball from the guest room where I could hear Charlie's snores erupting from.

I had protection; no-one would come for me here.

There was no word on Embry, though...how could I be sure he wasn't on a suicide mission?

Was there an easy escape from this apartment besides the front door? No, except for the window. I swallowed loudly, gripped by fear. It had it's ugly black claws clutching my heart.

Another knock, more persistent this time, staccato.

"Hello?" I called, preparing to scamper back to my bedroom if need be.

More knocking, louder.

I jumped at the sound, torn between overreacting and causing an embarrassment to myself or hauling ass to Edward and Charlie because I was scared.

I steeled myself, quivering all over as I approached the door and realised it was unlocked as it swung open without my volition.

I let out a yelp before realising Rosalie and Alice were there to greet me.

I breathed hard and couldn't speak as they both came in with worried smiles and furrowed brows.

"It's just us, Bella—how are you feeling?" Alice asked first, although it felt more like a demand.

She pressed her hand to my forehead and pursed her lips as if she did it all the time. I suppose we were family already, I may as well get used to her, to all of the quirkiness that came with it.

"Did we scare you?" Rosalie frowned with an apologetic grimace.

She had her blonde hair tied up in a bun. Her white corduroy jacket hugged her waist and stopped just short of her denim clad knees. Alice was in similar attire, but she had on a beautiful green blouse, a black vest and a cream jacket over the top, zipper open.

I caught my breath, focussing on the spiky ends of her unusual hair and nodded slowly.

Alice and Rosalie grabbed each of my elbows and lead me back to the couch. Alice clucked her tongue at my cereal which had gotten soggy in my absence.

"I'm...I'm o...kay," I tried to reassure them as the sat down on either side of me, touching my forehead and brushing my hair back in very maternal gestures.

"What are you guys doing here?" I wondered.

"You need to get out of this house. You need some therapy, in the form of retail of course." Rosalie stated it like a rehearsed script.

"But I—"

"No buts. We need to talk to you." Alice said, an eyebrow arched in challenge.

Don't fuck with the eyebrow.

"But what about Edward...?"

"He knows already. Not that he hasn't tried to stop us. But we knew if we came over early, we'd be able to steal you. So I'm going to get some clothes for you, and we'll go, okay?" Rosalie explained, outlining our battle plan.

"But you'll wake him." I protested as she disappeared around the corner of the hallway, still bewildered by their spontaneous arrival and shopping proposal.

"Don't worry, she's stealthy." Alice winked, straightening out the magazines on the coffee table.

"Alice."

She looked at me with the innocence of a child; she'd always had that unusual air about her.

It was difficult to be stern or assertive with her.

"Thank you. For being here, there, everywhere. The whole time."


	15. There she was

_Sorry about the late update, but it's only been a week, and I've kind of been a bit busy, so yeah._

_Sorry!_

_But here it is, as promised, as always._

_Hope you enjoy this one- pretty big stuff goes down. Hope you're ready._

_-birobird xox  
_

* * *

EPOV

I live by a set of rules.

Carlisle and Esme raised me in what I hope was the right way. I adopted their beliefs, their morals, their values.

Some, I acquired on my own.

I learnt from a young age to protect the women around me. Growing up in a house full of girls made it obvious from when I was about ten, that no matter how developed society is, chivalry will always play a role in a decent man's life.

Rose is my big sister, while Alice is my baby sister. Carlisle nailed rules into my head while my brain was still a sponge. Never hit girls if they hit you, and _never ever_ hit a girl at all. Open doors for them, respect them like you would a priceless artefact.

Not that our girls weren't self-maintained, they definitely could defend themselves.

Speak to them without condescension; treat them as equals if you expect to be returned with the same courtesy.

Spread your beliefs.

Teach others how to behave in what may seem old-fashioned, but a timeless manner.

Stick like glue to your morale.

Don't stray from the path, just create it to suit where you're going.

"If you find someone you trust inexplicably, ensure you never leave their side." Carlisle told me once.

"You must love and worship a woman. Find her, keep her, and honour her in every way possible."

I found what he was talking about.

I had grown and expanded on these rules of living. I'd come to understand the protective aggression when it comes to women you care about; amplified by the intense relationship between soul mates.

The feeling never went away, it only dimmed or went dormant, like a volcano. It was silent sometimes, but extremely volatile and could erupt with no warning at all. I felt it every day, I could feel it now. Fiery claws of possessiveness clutched at my stomach, burned like acid to plastic. It was very time someone stared at her inappropriately. Every time someone touched her without permission. Every time they spoke words of cruelty, or lewdness to her. Every time she got hurt. Every time someone _tried_ to hurt her.

I also learnt how there were no limits when it came to protecting your love. You'd take someone's life, you'd hurt them, you'd torture them, just to keep your girl safe.

I wouldn't call her property, but she was mine_._ And I was hers.

She belonged to me, nobody else. I touched her, looked at her, spoke to her, always in tenderness or passion. She wanted me, and I needed her.

Carlisle also warned me if there was a child in the equation.

Now that someone had threatened both my fiancée, and my unborn child, there was no way out of it. He'd suffer a pain he couldn't endure. He would beg for the fine cold mercy of death.

* * *

I had craved her body.

She had no idea what I'd felt, even before I got my memory back. When I was just a shell of the person I was before, I could still feel that attraction.

It was undeniable and infuriating.

I often found myself fleeing to the bedroom in order to hide my raging hard on, especially with Bella's father in the house.

It's like my body never forgot her.

Her touch had been so familiar, her smile, her eyes, her breath...

Night after night, I was forced to relieve myself in the confines of the bathroom. I couldn't have asked her for sex, because it wouldn't be right. I was sure that she wasn't in the mood for that, and I felt like a stranger, overstepping that boundary.

She was pregnant, too. I had no idea...

It was too weird, so I took care of myself, but with nothing but her on my mind.

Of course it was nothing compared to the feeling of finally being inside her again, after too long, after what felt like years of purgatory. Of feeling like I would never be whole.

I yawned, my hands seeking out the warm little body they had caressed the entire night. Eyes still closed, I sought the cold empty sheets for my Bella, but my fingers found no purchase.

I winced when I rubbed my eye sockets, the skin and bone still tender from the fight. I blinked hard through the bleariness, looking around the room for her. I panicked. Did she think last night was a mistake? I shook my head, considered slapping myself, before realising how much that would hurt.

I sat up, ramrod straight in the bed, sweat beading my forehead.

"Bella?" I called; uncertainty conflicting with fear layered my voice.

I threw the blankets off, stumbled around in the dim room for a moment while I fumbled for some pants to wear. I found something and pulled them on, probably back to front of inside out. I sauntered into the hallway, gripping the doorframe for stability. I woke from a deep sleep, so I was a little unco-ordinate.

"Bella." I said, louder and more insistent.

I heard voices in the living room, and as I rounded the corner, I registered the very blonde head of my sister, Rose.

"Gah!" I sucked in a breath.

Alice snorted.

"You gasped." She sniggered, already prancing over to give me a peck on the cheek.

She wrinkled her nose as she took in my appearance, dishevelled and tired, to say the least. I needed to shave, too.

"You...uh...you look good." Rose said reassuringly with an apologetic smile.

She was the antidote to the abrasiveness that was our sister.

"And by 'good', she means 'shit'." She grinned.

I realised they both had Bella by either arm, like they were playing a tug of war. She had gotten dressed already, and her hair was in a pony tail. She looked adorable, and unbearable at the same time. I sighed, knowing I'd have to behave, and let them take her out.

"I guess you're leaving me, then?" I said, perfecting my sentence to convey the appropriate amount of surprise and petulance.

Rosalie, as rehearsed, smiled and nodded, poking her tongue out teasingly.

"Do you have to?" I complained, knowing my act wasn't entirely fake.

I sincerely didn't want her to leave my side. I wanted to cling to her like a limpet on a ship's hull, but Rose, Alice and I had a plan.

However, they were only aware of half the plan.

I cleared my throat and ran a cold hand through my hair, scratching my scalp distractedly. I eyed Bella as she watched me with apology and resignation. She knew there was no stopping my sisters. I couldn't exactly fight them for her attention. It was like having a custody battle over my wife.

"I suppose I don't have much say in this, do I?" I said dryly, glaring at Rose and then Alice, except with more fervour.

It was expected.

She cocked her head to the side.

"Of course, so suck it up. You will have her back, and she will be lovely and rejuvenated. But before she does, you have to clean yourself up." She raised an eyebrow at my attire.

I looked down at my grey sweatpants, stretched tight. They were an insanely tight fit, so I deduced I'd picked up Bella's pants.

Great.

No wonder they only reached just below my knees.

I shrugged and threw a smirk at Bella who was struggling out of their grasps. She shuffled over to me, hands cradling belly as always. She blushed slightly as she stopped in front of me, hesitant to touch me, especially because we had an audience who were, in fact, watching us way too intently.

I frowned at them and they dutifully turned their heads away in respect while I leaned down and wrapped my arms around Bella's warm waist. Her small arms stretched as far as they could around my shoulders as I breathed in the scent of her neck, my nose skimming the skin under her jaw. I placed my lips on hers, my hand gently cradling her cheek until I gained a response.

She sighed, parting her lips slightly. I sucked her bottom lip between my own, combing my fingers into her ponytail, pulling the hair tie out and throwing it on the ground. Her hair smelled like Freesias.

The scent overwhelmed me with familiarity. I let my tongue peek through her lips just subtly before I grudgingly let her go once Alice conspicuously cleared her throat.

Our lips kept contact for a few moments longer, and I watched her face as she got lost in it.

Her eyes flickered open and she jokingly scowled at me before pressing a quick chaste kiss to my mouth. I rubbed her belly as she turned to leave, her smirk stretching into a forlorn grimace. I reluctantly relaxed my grip on her hand, and my sisters swooped in to take her away.

I gave Alice and Rose a nod as they glanced over their shoulders at me. I watched the door slam shut behind them and shook my head, rubbing the heels of my palms over my eyes.

I had too much to consider. When was I going back to work? When and if Bella and I were getting married. The baby! She's so close to her due date, that I don't feel like I have enough time! Everything is moving too fast right now.

I go back into our bedroom, plucking Bella's clothes off the floor, along with my own and throwing them in the hamper by the bathroom door. I'll start the washing later today. I pulled Bella's pants off with a shake of my head, feeling the relief as my junk was set free from the confines of the way-too-tight fabric.

I got dressed properly; jeans, t-shirt, jacket, sneakers. Typical drab look that Bella said worked for me. I was too jittery to eat anything, which I knew I would regret later. My stomach was tight with anticipation. Instead of waiting any longer, I went and woke Charlie up, too keyed up to sit down or be patient for him to wake up by himself.

He groaned and rolled out of bed as I went to the bathroom to shave and brushing my teeth. I heard Charlie's preparations in the living room.

"You really wanna do this?" he asked, eyeing me speculatively.

"You backing out?" I accused.

"No, but. I've had experience in this area, you could say." He hedged.

I frowned, picking up my cell phone and keys.

"I am...exhausted, I'm not unhinged—well, not entirely. I'm plotting revenge against a man that tried to hurt my partner and our baby. I'm leaving the house right now while she's out with my sisters shopping, to go and execute that revenge in a highly illegal fashion with said partner's cop father. I'm exhausted, but I'm not unhinged."

He raised an eyebrow as he shrugged his leather jacket on, wiping his palm over his eyes.

"Of course I wanna do this." I assured him firmly with tight lips.

"You break her, and I'll break you. No second chances and no turning back. I live by a set of rules. If someone compromises those rules, I am not responsible for what pain they'll endure."

Charlie handed me a pistol, the serial number scratched off. It wasn't the one he used for work, neither was the one sitting in his holster under his jacket. Both unregistered and lethal.

Perfect.

"I'm not dictating whether he dies or not. He can make that decision." I went on, lifting the back of my jacket up to tuck the gun into the back of my jeans.

"Careful with that," Charlie warned, eyeing where I placed the barrel.

"The safety is on." I clarified, edging towards the door.

"I'm not backing out, Edward. I-I live by a set of rules too. But, I'm an old man, you're still young with a future. A future with my daughter." He objected subtly.

I gritted my teeth.

"I'm not abandoning her. If we stick to the plan, we'll keep that future intact." I ground out, my veins searing with the excitement.

"I made her a promise," my voice shook.

"I let the law take care of it the first time, Charlie!" my voice rose with my uncontrolled anger.

He stayed silent, like he felt guilty or responsible for the pitiful excuse for a legal system he backed up and abided by.

Seething with reddened vision, I swallowed the dry lump in my throat.

"Look what it did for us." I spat. I stalked to the front door, grabbing the doorknob and wrenching it open roughly.

"I'm only doing what I should have done to every single person in that cult back in Forks. Like I said...I made her a promise to protect her. To keep her safe. To keep _Bella_ safe."

I waited, standing woodenly by the door, waiting for him to protest and urge me to re-think what I had decided already.

But Charlie looked as determined as I felt, his eyes hardened with the prospect of Bella, so he strode out the door before me, and I closed the door and locked it.

* * *

"After what happened with Bella, I couldn't just turn him in again..." he took a deep breathe beside me.

"I kept him in a cell downtown until yesterday. The cops were getting suspicious that he wasn't being moved, or bailed. I had to bring him here."

My hands tightened convulsively around the steering wheel. My breaths were short and anticipatory, enraged.

I ground my teeth together out of habit, steeling myself before the shit hit the fan.

"Now, just to be clear. If anyone finds out about this, I lose my job, you lose your job, we both go to jail. And..." he seemed reluctant to add the last part.

"You lose Bella." He murmured, shifting uncomfortably in the leather passenger seat.

I stared at the dash with my hands still clenched on the wheel. There was no movement outside the car besides the wind blowing through the trees. Charlie had added a beanie to his attire. It was unforgivably cold right now. And I assumed he might use it to cover his face, although I don't see the point if Embry was never going to see the light of day again. Who would he tell?

"I know. But I'd rather miss out on a few years of Bella and our daughter's life, living in jail, than to know it was my fault they'd been killed. That I was too much of a coward to keep him from them. At least if I get locked up, I'll know they'll be fine without me."

I opened the door and stepped out, my shoes hitting concrete.

We were on Harbour Island, disconnected from the city, and completely dreary with nothing but shipping containers occupying the space. It was scarce of people today, luckily.

Unfortunately, we couldn't do it at night. Bella would be home, she'd be suspicious if I tried to force her on my sisters for the night, she'd be suspicious if I left for no reason, and now seemed like as good a time as any. I just couldn't wait any longer. And the more time he stayed locked up in a container Charlie rented, the less time it would take for someone to find him.

He had connections here, somehow. I have no idea how, or whom he could ask for assistance in hiding a criminal to torture with his soon to be son-in-law. But I didn't object or question. I was just glad he was willing to do this, and his expected high moral standard wasn't super-human. He felt pain, and he craved revenge.

He gained a high level of respect in my books.

I followed him to a large red container, no noise escaped it. We waited until there was no-one around. The rain was sheeting down on us torrentially. I hugged my arms around myself, rocking back on my heels as he sauntered forward to unlock the padlock. I looked around pleased to find not a person in sight. They must be avoiding the weather, just as we were avoiding witnesses.

"Oh, shit." Charlie muttered, fidgeting with the keys so the metal clanked against the container.

"What?" I asked, raising my eyebrows as he slammed his fist against the metal wall.

"The padlock is gone." He growled, throwing his keys to the ground in frustration.

A shudder ran through my body.

"Fuck off." I shook my head in disbelief.

"He must have gotten out."

He wrenched the door open with force, snarling curses as he looked inside, backing away while slowly raising his hands behind his head.

"I thought I'd wait in here until you came," Embry smiled, opening both doors of the container as he pointed a gun straight at Charlie's forehead.

"It's nicely sheltered. I didn't have to get soaking wet, apart from when I stole this gun. You see people can hear through these containers you know. Cops, for instance. He sort of looked like you, this one..." he waved the gun, motioning to Charlie.

Infuriated with having a disadvantage, I clenched my fists into tight balls by my sides, my fingers itching towards the gun sitting against the small of my back.

He lifted his other hand, his fingers looped through a pair of handcuffs, smeared with blood. How the fuck did he over power a law officer with a gun?

He leaned his elbow against the wall and turned the barrel at me, but I wasn't afraid.

"Want another head wound to go with your last one?" he sneered, his words sounding odd because of his fat lip.

His face looked utterly terrible, covered with the bruises and abrasions my knuckles served against his skin.

I took a small amount of lavish in the sight of his battered face. But he seemed unperturbed for the most part. I took a step forward, tired of restraining myself.

"Come for revenge, I see? To finish what you started?" he chuckled maniacally, licking his lips.

He squinted at me through the rain. My hair stuck to my forehead, my clothes soaked through and clinging to my body.

I glared balefully, consumed with the urge to end him.

It would be easy.

"Where's your girl? Didn't want to subject her to the bloody mess you were gonna make of me?" he taunted.

"Don't say her name." I warned, voice hard, eyes burning holes into his head.

"Why not?" he frowned, affronted.

"She means as much to me as she does to you." He grinned, palming his chest like he was hurt from my words.

I wish I could make him _really_ hurt.

"How are you gonna protect her now?" he jeered, the corners of his lips turned upwards into his bruised cheeks.

He was leaning half way out of the container.

Charlie was slowly lowering his hands, but Embry caught the movement, and the gun fired.

I yelled in shock and anger.

I protected my family. If he was important to Bella, he was important to me, too.

Charlie collapsed to the ground, writhing in pain and clutching his right shoulder as Embry looked pleased with himself. He was distracted, and I got what I wanted.

I pulled the gun from the back of my jeans, pulling the trigger once I'd aimed it at his shooting arm. I got him just above the elbow, causing him to drop his weapon.

I ran forward, arms straight and rigid, holding the cold hard metal in my fists like I was an expert. I felt the power radiating from my hands, like it was vibrating.

I breathed heavily, through my teeth, as I kicked Embry's gun away from his reach, towards Charlie. He was groaning and cursing, so I assumed he wasn't too badly hurt.

I aimed the gun at Embry's chest, then his forehead, switching between the two.

Blood ran between his fingers as he clutched his arm, bent at the waist as if the top half of his body weighed too much for his spine.

He stumbled out of the container and onto the wet concrete, my gun followed his movements, never leaving clear aim on his body.

Where to start? Where to end?

"She loved Jacob." He said, his voice becoming sincere in tone.

Like he was trying to beg me to understand.

Then he smiled, malicious and filthy.

"She wanted what we gave her." He mocked.

My hands shook and his eyes flashed with hope, like he thought I was going to lower the gun.

And I did.

I almost heard the breath of relief that came out of his lungs before I raised my arm and shot him.

"Times up." I muttered.

He fell limply to the ground, his face flushed of blood, like none existed beneath his skin. His eyes were wide and surprised, shock replacing the spiteful smile he once adorned on his mouth.

He didn't think I could do it.

He obviously didn't understand what lengths people would go to for someone else.

I turned away from his body, feeling nothing but...relief? I would be lying if I said I didn't feel satisfied.

If that made me a bad person, then so be it. Killing someone was not pleasant. And it pains me that I had to do it, but had I been in the situation again, I would have repeated my actions exactly the same.

I will live with this.

I knelt down by Charlie, who was pale but conscious and shivering.

"How bad is it?" I asked, not wanting to touch his shoulder.

"Is he...?"

I nodded with a straight face. He sighed and motioned with his chin to the container, with the door ajar.

"Should check to see if the cop is in there." He scowled, shaking his head, furious.

"Sick son of a bitch." He whispered, looking at his hand clutching his shoulder.

I helped him to his fight as he cursed again.

"You gonna be okay?" I asked him.

"It's just scraped me, that's all. Hurts, though."

We both looked towards Embry's body, and the life that no longer existed inside.

"It was self-defence. He's a cop killer." Charlie said.

I nodded to myself, not really listening.

I can live with this.

* * *

BPOV

Alice and Rosalie held me by either elbow, towing me along the streets of Seattle until the sky opened up and dumped us with rain.

We stopped by Montepulcino's for some coffee and biscotti. Well, _I _had biscotti, while Alice and Rose had coffee.

We stayed uncomfortably silent, not knowing what to say to each other.

"You guys, I—" I was finding it hard to swallow.

I shifted in my chair, the upholstery a soft red velvet. Alice wiped her mouth with her napkin and stared at me intently, mimicking Rose.

I glanced at the wall behind them for a moment, covered with oil paintings of Italian landscapes. Like beautiful Tuscany.

I bit my lip and focussed on my small plate, then the tablecloth, unsure of where to go with my words.

I owed these girls for sticking by their brother.

They were there for him, they loved him and cared for him when I was falling apart. They were there for me. They're here for me now.

I choked on my words until Rose put a hand over my left one, and Alice my right. Like they shared me.

"I don't know...how to say this right, I..." I shook my head and my eyes stung.

"You were there for us, and—I don't know...what to say to that." I shrugged uselessly.

They shared a look.

"You just said it all, Bella. And you're welcome." Alice smiled.

"I know things were...strained." Rose began tentatively.

I watched her sapphire eyes, a beautiful trait, that she had inherited from her father, Carlisle.

"Back in Forks." She elucidated.

"And I had my doubts, about you being so young...and my brother's career..." she squeezed my hand.

"I couldn't believe my eyes this morning, though. Even in hospital this week...he _saw_ you. Like you were something so wonderful, so exquisite...and you are. But I've never seen him forget himself so much. He's lead a life of books and literature, getting lost in pages of the past."

Alice nodded, watching her sister with her bottom lip between her teeth.

My nose was tingling and my eyes stung. I knew I was going to cry. I cried too much, but damn it, it was too hard not to with what she was saying.

"He's found a new passion in you. I've also never seen him so unconcerned with himself. He never really knew how selfish he was," she chuckled, teeth straight and perfect.

She winked at her sister who agreed with an affectionate smirk.

"I've never seen two people like you before."

"So, dysfunctional?" I remarked jokingly.

She shook her head.

"So undivided."

"I admit I even saw it when he couldn't remember you," her eyes widened as she recalled a distant memory.

"Despite his memory loss...it was like a rope had bound you together. And I wouldn't want my brother to lose something like that. So, I'm glad he has you, Bella.

And I'm glad this family finally has you, too."

I was worried my voice would crack too much, and I already felt too hormonal, so I just nodded vehemently until Alice pushed some more biscotti into my face.

"Thanks," I laughed, sniffling.

"And...we have something for you." Alice added cryptically.

~0~

I expected a box of chocolates, or a pair of maternity jeans (which were abnormally comfortable, but looked ridiculous, I preferred fat-pants anyway despite the stigma).

I would have been happy with a key ring that said 'Sistahz 4-eva' or some shit, but...never this...

They blindfolded me as they guided me through some crowded area, voices everywhere. Footsteps, phones ringing...I thought we were in a hospital until they pulled the scarf from over my eyes, disorienting me.

We were in an airport.

"Are you taking me to Jamaica?" I queried, squinting at the arrivals board just ahead of me, and the luggage carousel beyond that.

Alice and Rose had their necks craned over the sea of people.

I shook my head at them in amusement, wondering what the frack they could be doing.

"Guys?" I tapped them on the shoulders.

Alice almost stumbled from standing on her toes too long before she waved her hand over her head crazily. It almost looked like she was going to levitate. I laughed at her enthusiasm, and Rose's for that matter.

They both spun around and leaned into my face and I leaned back slightly.

"What?" I complained indignantly.

Rose looked over her shoulder, then pulled on Alice's sleeve, removing her from my view.

And there she was, nothing seperated us but air.

"Bella." Renee sniffed, her suitcase dropping from her grip.

I broke down.

* * *

_If you guys are worried about Edward's state of mind, don't worry. He's just taken care of what was troubling him. _

_It should be mostly smooth sailing from this point. :) MOSTLY.  
_


	16. Hidden

_BETA'D by the manificent **labeano2002, **COMES THE LONG, LONG, LONG awaited chapter update for IA:2 You can boo and throw fruit at me, I deserve it for being so slack. _

_Thank you for egging me on and encouraging me to update, though. You guys complete me 3_

_-birobird xo  
_

* * *

"Bella," Renee choked, struggling to articulate another word while I struggled with my entire sanity.

I was crying, loudly, and not in isolation, but in front of a reluctant airport audience. Passersby watched me curiously, then felt intrusive as I shared a moment with a woman I hadn't seen for years.

How could I literally even begin to comprehend the mind fuck that was taking place? My mother was here. My _mother! _My _mother? _

"What are you—d-doing here?" I choked out, whilst simultaneously stumbling my way towards her.

She had practically abandoned her luggage, leaving it where it dropped as she trudged her way over to me, fatigued and flushed. She'd aged a decade since I last saw her.

Renee's common personality was to overbear, a symptom that Alice seemed to, undoubtedly, suffer from as well, but she seemed muted. I remember being so fiercely protective of her, my mother, her well-being, her motives, all because I grew up parenting myself and sometimes her.

Oddly enough, Renee was never a flighty mother when it came to her daughter, possibly the opposite with her ex-husband, Charlie, but she never failed me. She didn't seem to shoulder the stress of motherhood as much as some of my friend's parents did. Inevitably, questions about her capabilities were raised. Whenever I would go to someone's house to play, or for a sleepover, the mothers would always offer me an overload of food—seconds and thirds at meal times—as if to suggest I was undernourished by Renee; my string bean appearance did nothing to hinder their suspicions.

I remained unswervingly adamant that Renee was the best mother in the world, albeit starry and softly docile, but never neglectful.

She hadn't aged a day in the seventeen years I lived with her, but today revealed the harshness of separation, the mess it caused in between.

The unbitten brightness that usually coincided with Renee entering a room had dissipated like a flickering candle out of oxygen. As if her flame had been snuffed out, or the room couldn't breathe with her in it. She looked less like a spark and more like a shadow, or the smoke lingering around the doused candle.

It was this that caused me to wrap my arms around her waist and squeeze her to me in a promise of acceptance.

I loved my Mom. And I would make sure that no matter the distance we put between us, deliberate or otherwise, or what road either of us took, taking us in opposite or parallel directions, or the attitudes we displayed to each other, the bitterness of a fight, or spite in the wake one, we would stay as we truly were: mother and daughter. I wasn't fickle, and I would make sure we'd never again spend so long without each other, because the feelings in my heart would never change.

"Oh, God, I've missed you so much," I cried into her shoulder, feeling her tender maternal hands on my back, rubbing, her entire body shaking along with mine.

"I missed you so much, Mom," I sobbed, disbelief an undertone in my shaken words.

Suddenly the haze around us seemed to disappear, the silence that had enveloped us like a vacuum was gone and the hustle of the thousand or so travelers around us came into sharp focus. As I finally lifted my damp face from my mother's ruined sweater, she couldn't take her palms, or her eyes off of my stomach.

Not that it wasn't subtle or anything.

Another regret came to my mind then, as I resettled on the sting of not having my own mother with me to share my happiness about having a child. A child with Edward.

She hadn't even met my soulmate yet. I felt like _I_ had been the neglectful party in this whole situation, leaving Renee out of the loop for so long that I'd practically disowned her. I only knew that Charlie had delegated small details to her, sporadically, over the past year or so.

She was, by far, one of my most beloved people, but I had barely included her. It still alluded me as to why I kept everything about my life on the DL. That, even despite her reclusiveness and random living situations (due to Phil's baseball schedule, I assumed), I hadn't tried to visit her.

Perhaps I felt scared of her reaction about Edward, our relationship; that I chose to procrastinate in making further contact than just a few phone calls. Then the whole pile of dirty laundry grew to the size of Mt. Vesuvius and the towns people were already encased in lava; there was too much to sweep under the rug that I ignored the part of me that nagged about confessing to everything.

I had suffered tremendous amounts of pain and fear, but also bliss and joy to the point of euphoria. I should have told her.

I would never be more sorry.

"I've missed you, too, baby. So, so much," she sniffled, meeting my eyes.

Her green eyes were shining, sparkling orbs of wonder and recognition, rimmed with red from her tears.

I followed her gaze as she glanced over my shoulder. I had completely forgotten about Rose and Alice, instead fixated on this incredible occurrence.

They both smiled, Rose was dabbing at her eyes which choked me up a little bit. Her usual porcelain complexion was flushed and blotchy with her emotion. Alice was beaming up at us both, nodding as if she understood something secret.

"I'm not a baby anymore, though," I muttered and Renee let out a breathy chuckle as we turned to face Rose and Alice, her arm sliding easily around my waist and mine around her shoulders.

"I know," she agreed with a nod, her lip quivering, casting her eyes down then up again.

"Speaking of babies..." she added as we began to walk, wrapped in each other.

"How is... it?" she bit her lip in embarrassment, obviously not knowing what to call her, our baby girl.

"_She_ is fine," I grinned, although my throat was aching with my crying.

I played with the waist strap of her corduroy jacket, it was a forest green that played with the color of her eyes.

Her eyes squinted then as she glanced at my swollen belly, the life that grew inside and the new blood line created. A link between grandmother and grandchild, an entire new generation.

She pressed her lips together, staving off the potential and probably inevitable outburst of more emotion. Although what pained me the most was that I was barely sure if it was happiness behind it, or sorrow for being the last involved.

I grabbed her hand, calloused and dry from weathering a rainbow of different hobbies over the years, but still warm. She had artist's hands, soulful and lined with ages of wisdom.

I squeezed it between mine, begging her with my eyes to wait for my explanation. Somehow, she didn't even look mad, or hurt... she looked relieved and overwhelmed.

Rose and Alice escorted us back to the car, avoiding the necessary throngs of people in the fucking way. I was so glad Rose was curt and snappy when she was emotional, because we never would have gotten out of there with all the taller people shoving us around.

I swear, nobody had respect for us short-asses, not even pregnant short asses it seemed. But Rose provided us with a buffer zone in front, and I'm fairly sure she would have jammed a stiletto into someone's ass on the way out had the not moved from her direction.

We piled into a cab outside, dumping Renee's luggage in the trunk, or as well as we could. Rose had to sit on it to get it to shut properly, much to the cab driver's distaste, although he looked kind of starry eyed the moment he caught her eye, so a few extra dollars in tip would surely make him happy enough.

If Rose pushed her boobs in his face, I thought he might give the ride to us for free.

I held onto Renee's hand the entire way, just staring at her face, reading those eyes that searched for change in me as well. Those eyes that knew when I was lying, read me story books before bed, that mouth that tsked me when I was being obnoxious, and smiled when we shared a moment.

She squeezed my hand back, and I knew she'd forgiven me. Because children were created to make mistakes, and parents to forgive the wrong turns but guide them anyway. They were designed to get angry when we got a piercing or tattoo, yell at us when we didn't finish our chores, ground us and then ground us some more when we ignored the initial repremand.

She'd forgiven my wrong turns.

We just needed a decade of time to share what she'd missed.

* * *

Rose and Renee had their arms hooked with mine as we walked to the elevator at the ground floor of our building, Alice flitting off to the side.

The front door was unlocked when we reached it. Pushing it open, I had my coat hijacked off me by the two Cullen sisters, so I didn't even have to move to hang it on the stand. I gripped my mom's hand tighter as we neared the living room. She was about to meet Edward.

What was the general rule for introductions between your estranged mother, and your post amnesiac soulmate? Should I have prepared a short speech?

I knew Renee wouldn't be critical about Edward... to his face, maybe. But what if she really didn't like him? She hadn't experienced him the whole time we'd been together. She might misunderstand everything. What if she thought he was bad for me? What if she didn't approve?

I loved them both so much, that if it came to it, I couldn't choose. And if I did, I would never forgive myself. That was a lie, I could chose, and the choice was obvious.

I guess I was overreacting. My palms felt clammy as I pulled Renee onto the sofa.

"Edward!" I yelled out unexpectedly, making both Renee and myself jump in surprise.

I was a mess.

I wouldn't be able to take much more of this. I wish I had access to some fucking Valium.

Rushed footfalls down the hallway, thumping on the floorboards.

Ugh, this is madness. I was so over-fucking-reacting. I need a lie down, I think.

"Bella?" Edward's hasty reply sounded from the hall just as he skidded into the room, eyes rabid and concerned before they landed on Renee.

His face was layered with confusion and bewilderment. I would have liked to take a picture, or sculpt it.

"Are you—what's wrong?" he asked, breathless.

I frowned, then lifted an eyebrow, inclining my head towards Renee who dropped her handbag to the floor. Rose and Alice were making coffee. I heard the sounds of crockery and spoons clinking against each other, an awkward melody to the tension in the room.

"Uh... Renee—Mom, this is... Edward, my fiancée." I was staring at Edward like he had just farted in a completely silent room.

He was kind of sheepish and preoccupied with something; like how someone would act when they were trying to waft their ass stench away from their general area. Pin it on the dog, whatever.

But he was being so odd, and not usual post-trauma odd.

"Edward," I said slowly. "This is my mother."

His eyes flicked between us for a moment before he stepped forward reaching toward her with an outstretched hand. He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. Fucker knew how to make someone melt, and he already had her blushing.

I suppose I jumped the gun when I assumed she wouldn't like him. Of course she would like him! She was a woman, so obviously.

He made a characteristic smirk and if I still knew my mom, I'm pretty sure that she was won over already.

"What an honor it is... to finally meet you, Renee," he smiled wider.

I narrowed my eyes at him out of Renee's line of sight. What was he doing? Why was he laying it on so thick? And when was I going to quit my paranoid inner monologue?

I chewed on my lip, unaware of my staring until Edward looked me in the eyes with silent questions of his own.

Something about him seemed a little... off. I shoved those thoughts aside, deciding I would deal with that later.

"Rose and Alice surprised me with a gift," I shrugged.

He rolled his eyes and leaned down to me. I grinned like an idiot before he pressed his lips to mine, his warm heavy hands caging my face in a gentle hold.

"What was that for?" I murmured against his mouth, my eyes cracked open to find his half open, too.

"I'll explain later," he mumbled, kissing me once more, harder, before pulling away in case it got unintentionally inappropriate.

I felt it on my mouth and it was a potent taste on my tongue. I saw it in his eyes and felt it in his muscles, his gait and the lines in his face.

He was carrying a burden. He was hiding something from me.

Despite his promise to talk later, neither of us were left alone much. We couldn't get even one moment alone together. But I found myself talking non-stop, which is something I rarely did. One exception was for today.

Renee told me she'd been traveling a lot with Phil after he'd finally—after years of grueling training, on and off the field, and numerous rejections from scouts—made it into the Majors.

He was a legit baseball player, and I couldn't be happier for him. But the stress was weighing down on Renee like a suffocating quilt, or a ton of cinder blocks.

Understandably, she was far more concerned with the aspects of my own life, an entire lifetime or two of fear and pain suffered in a mere few years. I hated to share my pain, though. But she wouldn't let me stop, and eventually, I'd managed to tell her the whole story.

According to Renee, I had a run-in with a drug-fucked ex and his friends back in Forks. According to what Charlie informed her, I hadn't been severely hurt, the bad guys were taken care of and wouldn't bother me anymore. And had it not been for my rescuer, Mr. Edward Cullen, English teacher at Forks High, I might have been in a bit of trouble.

_Obviously_, Charlie had skimped on the details. _Skimped _somehow sounded like an understatement, though. However, I understood that he wanted to let me do this on my own, knowing that if he went and told Mom everything, he would have been going behind my back when I should be the one to tell her. Besides, I needed to do it on my own time.

"This boy... this... _Embry_," she ground out through clenched teeth and a malice ridden stare, "what happened to him?"

I opened my mouth to answer but unexpectedly frowned, actually uninformed on those particular specifications. Edward was sitting on the sofa, his arm thrown over my shoulders as he cradled a coffee cup in his other hand.

"Well... he, uh... he's—" How could I explain that he was still at large?

Renee would be on the war path if she found out, and screw the being honest crap, little white lies about this would only be beneficial for her health. I'm pretty sure she'd already chipped a tooth from grinding them so much as I told my story.

"He's been taken care of," Charlie swooped in, appearing at the front door, tucking his hands in his jeans pockets as he kicked the front door closed, a small smile in place.

"Charlie!" Renee grinned, standing up and giving him a familial embrace before holding him at arms length to observe him.

It was no longer an intimate act between the two, and I was far beyond glad that my dad had found another person to love, instead of gripping to Renee like a life raft. He had Sue, and she had Phil. They were fulfilled without each other. I'd rather that, than have them unhappy together.

"Are you feeling okay, you look a little pale," Renee commented, and as I looked up to survey him, I realized he did, indeed look a little washed out.

Renee squeezed his shoulder and he winced and made a sort of ducking motion, out of Renee's grip, laughing nervously, his eyes flicking conspiratorially to Edward's. But, ever the master of deception or at least a poker face, he didn't react at all. He showed a measured amount of concern and confusion, but he couldn't fool me.

So it wasn't just Edward keeping something hidden. Somehow my father was involved, and it only irritated me more that they decided it wasn't something I needed to know, or they thought they were protecting me from it.

Now, that would just piss me off.

Charlie quickly and not-so-subtly avoided our prying eyes and probing questions.

"Nothing, I'm fine. I, uh, threw my back out sort of..." he shook his head and I suppose Renee was content with believing his lies, so she smiled in response and shook her head at him affectionately before patting him on the cheek and coming to sit back down on the arm chair facing the sofa.

She picked her coffee cup up again and wrapped both hands around the mug.

I had my arms around my belly, fighting the jealousy of their enjoyment in their caffeinated beverages while I was sitting there, parched. Maybe that was overdramatic, but damn them, they looked like they were enjoying it. Edward seemed distracted, but totally interested in the bottom of his cup, swirling around the remnants and not looking up as Charlie turned around to go to the kitchen.

I narrowed my eyes at him and he raised an eyebrow before kissing my forehead.

I rolled my eyes and tried to conceal my smile at his persuasion tactic.

"So have you set a date?" Renee prodded with a wicked grin, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

I stretched my arms out, the joints in my wrist clicking as I looked up at Edward's bewildered expression.

"We haven't, no," he answered, biting his lip. "Probably after the baby is born."

I played with my engagement ring, absently rolling it around my finger, surprised that I hadn't managed to lose it yet.

"Of course you've been so... hectic, I guess you haven't had time," she offered as an explanation. I nodded.

"And how do you feel, Edward? How's work?" she added.

"I'm better now." His arm tightened around me. "And work is... on hiatus."

Renee sighed and put her chin in her free hand, watching me.

"I can't get used to this image," she chuckled and shook her head.

I sensed more waterworks emerging, but I was in no position to stop them. She could cry all she wanted, she was allowed.

"I can't believe someone would want to hurt you like that, though..." she hissed with rage-filled green eyes.

Oh, but I'd come to realize that anyone could do anything. Humanity meant nothing to those who had none. I felt a nudging just under my belly button, as if she was agreeing with her grandmother.

"Put your cup down!" I ordered Renee who jumped but quickly did as I asked, eyes wide.

"Come here!" I motioned her closer with a vigorous wave of my hand.

Edward put his cup down too as Renee gleefully knelt down at my feet and placed her palms on my stomach, eyes as wild and excited as a child's.

I felt the small thump again, directly under her touch and she gasped adoringly, hugging my belly and laying her ear on me.

"If she's anything like you two, you'll have to lock her up and beat off her admirers with a stick," she exclaimed, delighted as she tapped her fingertips against my ribcage.

I laughed lightly, knowing that as long as the kid had Cullen blood, she'd probably be a Goddess.

I suppose I could give her a sense of character... hopefully.

Edward's genes looked rather dominating, though. And like a switch had been flicked, Edward was all mushy and uber affectionate, as he and my mother bonded in a cooing session to my womb.

I just laid back and took it, not feeling any diversion to being the center of attention, because it was really the kid that was the Oreo and I was like the uninteresting blue foil packaging.

I rested my head back on the sofa, feeling exhausted from walking around all day, and before I knew it, I'd passed out.

* * *

_I was running through the forest at the back of my house in Forks. Charlie was following me, Renee was holding my hand, begging me to slow down._

"_You're going to fast. Stop!" she cried, tears running down her cheeks and soaking her cotton t-shirt. _

_I had her green corduroy jacket on, rubbing my face on the sleeves. I was wet... and once I realized I was soaked through with water, I looked up to the sky and it was raining. I heard a wolf cry in the distance._

"_Go without me," I ordered them, and they left me alone._

_I was walking back the way I came, but I ended up at Edward's old house. The walls were black instead of white, and I heard screaming from within. I walked inside, curious as I squeezed the water from my hair._

_I opened the door, unlocked. I shed my clothes by the door, looking for Edward. I found him waiting for me in the living room, smiling as I sauntered closer. His eyes roamed over me, and as I looked down, I held no baby inside me. I frowned, confused but he ushered me closer without hesitation, pulling me down on top of his naked body._

_I smiled, still wondering where our baby went until he kissed me and I moaned. I gripped his hair with abandon as I rocked my hips against him, his hard length pulsing deep within._

_I gasped as he picked me up with ease, his muscles standing out under his skin as he carried my weight into the kitchen. I had a fond sense of deja vu, and on cue, looked out the window as I orgasmed and there was someone there, watching me._

_I screamed and Edward was gone._

"_Edward!" I screamed. "Come back! She'll get me!" _

_I turned around and Angela was there, her hands around my neck before she threw me to the ground. I kicked out, but unlike reality, it didn't work._

_In this, my nightmare, she was invincible evil._

_Someone was picking me up from behind, dragging me away from the dream, from the black walls and naked vulnerability._

"Oh, God," I choked, clutching to Edward's shoulders as I buried my face into his chest.

He must have carried me to bed after I'd fallen asleep.

"Oh..." I whispered, feeling a wave of relief crashing down on me.

"I thought she'd got to me," I coughed out, close to hysterics as Edward's arms tightened around me.

"I wish I could take the bad dreams away," he murmured and I leaned my head back to look into his eyes. "I'd live them for you, if I could," he said, eyes filled not with content, but that of the helplessly tortured.

"It's not your fault, you shouldn't have to suffer," I argued. "I don't want anyone to live them for me. They're awful," I whispered against his neck.

His lips brushed over my eyebrow.

"What was it about this time?" he asked softly, using such gentle hands to smooth my unruly hair away from my face.

"I want to see Angela," I blurted. "I want to visit her in Forks, or wherever she is."


	17. Rules were meant to be broken

THIS IS SO LONG! Ugh. Anyways, I loved writing it. Enjoy! AND thank you times a million to my Beta- Labeano2002 for stealing internet to send this back to me today, and despite her exhaustion after moving house. Say THANKYOU. :) xo

SONG REC FOR THIS CHAPTER: Run-Snow Patrol.

* * *

EPOV

I gripped her shoulders feeling her body shudder violently against mine, a dark silhouette, a blackened contradiction to her light.

Her mouth popped open, and a groan scraped up her throat, quickly transforming into a cry. Was she awake? It was impossible to tell. I placed a hand on her stomach, while fitting my arm behind her shoulders as her back arched.

"Baby, wake up!" I hissed.

I squeezed her thigh and she flinched, rolling over slightly before I felt a warm sensation against my hip. My eyes widened as I touched the dark patch underneath me with my fingers, a sticky mucus covering my skin. I sucked in a breath, reaching for the lamp on the night stand of our bedroom.

Light bathed the room and Bella stirred as if arriving to reality from a deep sleep.

I stared at my fingertips under the fluorescent glow, feeling my stomach fall, and my brain kick into overdrive.

"Bella," I choked, she rolled over to look at me with bleary eyes.

I held my hand up to her as evidence.

"You're bleeding."

One day earlier:

BPOV

I folded another sweater, this one violet, placing it neatly on the bed, as I decided what to wear with it before stuffing it haphazardly into my suitcase. Doing this would expressly defeat the purpose of folding it crisply in the first place, but I was tired, and wasn't paying attention.

I was fairly sure I had packed a ski suit with a frilly thong with all the focus I was putting into this routine. This was just precautionary, in case the traffic was bad, or we got stuck in Forks for longer than planned. I, for one, did not want to stay there longer than was necessary.

I sighed exhaustedly, feeling the pain in my lower back become overwhelming. I groaned, rubbing my fist ineffectually over the small of my back just above my ass to ease some of the tension from my muscles.

I had one hand on my belly, extended to an enormous length in front of me, that made me fear I'd never see my freaking feet again—or worse, my hoo-hah. I never really understood the fuss women made about back pain and swollen feet during pregnancy. Now, I realize I should be have been slapped upside the head for my ignorance. Honing in around 36 weeks at this point, I was beginning to _really_ feel like a fucking pregnant woman.

I breathed out, clenching my eyes and gritting my teeth as I tried to work over a particularly tender knot against my spine.

"Argh," I groaned. "Edward?" I called louder, beseeching to the ever-magic fingers of my English teacher.

He came strolling in immediately, always ready to help make me more comfortable, lift me up from sitting or lying down, walk me to the bathroom in the middle of the night, or, more times than not, perform sexual favors. It was for the express purpose of keeping harmony in the home, of course.

It wasn't as if he didn't jump on that chance all the time anyway.

"Where does it hurt, Bella?" he murmured into my ear, pressing his hot hands to my hips.

I breathed out heavily as I indicated, distractedly, where I needed his touch.

"There," I whimpered, feeling the muscles seize up as I poked my finger at them.

I sucked in a breath as he started rubbing, loosening and soothing the hurt, like he always did. I groaned, feeling my body slacken. He quickly wrapped an arm around my stomach so I didn't lose balance.

"Ah, fuck, you have, _no_ idea how good that fe-ee-els." I moaned into his shoulder.

I sucked in a breath as he applied more pressure, pressing too hard for a moment.

"Ow, ow, ow..."

"Shh... just relax... is this better?" he asked, brushing my hair back, kissing the side of my head before he rubbed his palm flat against my back.

I sighed as it released most of the aches and pains.

I shuffled over to the bed, leaning my hands behind me as I sat back and watched Edward's eyes shine lovingly at the blimp under my shirt.

"Yeah, yeah, quit with the bambi eyes, honey. It's making _me_ feel nauseous." I chuckled, teasing as he narrowed his eyes at me.

A slow smile spread over his mouth before he glanced accusingly at my half-full suitcase.

"Why didn't you ask me to do it?" he frowned, kneeling between my legs.

"Because you'd manage to not do it, whilst simultaneously persuading me it was a bad idea to go in the first place." I said, my bitch-brow raised.

He pursed his lips.

_Oh, shit just got real._

"Maybe you're right about that, but do you honestly blame me?" his brows slanted upwards, eyes pleading with an accentuated squeeze to my knees.

"No, I don't expect you to ever be comfortable being in any sort of proximity to any of them, or to Forks at all." I sighed, relenting to his argument.

"I mean, why is Angela different to the others, whom you said you never wanted to see again."

"Because," I held up a finger as he put his chin against my knee, his hands creeping up the outside of my thighs, "I want closure. Angela wasn't from La Push, she didn't grow up with these people. She didn't have any type of loyalty to them. She was my best friend, Edward… my best friend." My throat felt suddenly sore and thick, my voice a weakly shimmering tone.

My control was as thin as rice paper, and of course, in addition to wild-as-fuck hormones, I was about to blow a gasket and go insane with emotion.

Holding onto my next words for a moment, I breathed in deeply, trying hard not to give in to the tears that pricked the corners of my eyes.

"The difference with someone like... Embry," I swallowed hard, feeling the acrid taste of sinister hate burning on the tip of my tongue.

Edward's eyes darkened perceptibly, a thermostat to his emotions.

"Is that she was lured into their little cluster of crazy. Embry, Jacob, Quil..." I trailed off, "they were like brothers. Embry wouldn't have come back for me if they weren't. Not after Jacob died."

Edward's jaw clenched, and his eyes became glassy, shiny orbs of unease.

I dragged my index finger under his jaw, and smiled, trying to lighten the heaviness in his stare.

"I'm not going back to dwell on the past, I'm going back now, before we have a child in our arms, and not attached to my va-jay-jay," I told him in a tender voice.

He snorted, a recognizable gleam in his eyes.

"Angela is different," I spoke seriously now. " I need to see her as soon as I can, before I can really start over. When we moved here, it was just a band-aid to cover the festering, moldy sore of our history in Forks."

Edward scrunched his nose up at my metaphor.

"Now, we have the opportunity to go back, and I have the chance to really settle things with her."

Edward considered my words, weighing each one; attempting to be objective, despite his severe bias in the matter.

"And what if you're wrong about her, and she's just as insane as the rest of them?" he asked, voice dark with gritty regret, anger, and protectiveness.

I grasped his chin tight and pulled his face closer. He stood up and leaned over me, his forehead pressed to mine.

"Then at least I'll know, and I can move on. It might hurt me, but it would hurt me more not knowing at all."

"I just don't want that to happen." He murmured, thickly.

"I know. But we've waited long enough. And if we wait any more, I won't be able to ride in a car at all, I'll be too big." I stressed with only a fraction of a grimace at that thought. "Then, I'll be able to sleep properly, and we won't have anything holding us back."

He lowered his mouth and laid it against mine with heated possession; a physical sentiment of devotion and worship.

He no longer had to explain with words what he was feeling, or what thoughts were whispering through his mind; the words he printed across my skin told the story of what he thought. Every time his fingers curled around my nape, clutching a thick handful of my hair, every time he nuzzled his nose into the small hollow below my earlobe, or even when he would—wait, what was he doing?

Edward had dropped back to his knees, and was now in the painstaking process of pulling my yoga pants off.

"Um, I'm glad I know you so well otherwise I wouldn't know what the hell you were doing," I squeaked sarcastically, squirming a little self-consciously as his head dipped between my thighs, his nose nudging a very sensitive place.

"Dude, you're skating on thin ice..." I gasped, my extra sensitive crotch heating up as he caressed his hands over my knees, keeping them spread wide.

His breath was almost cool against me as he breathed a chuckle, pulling the black stretchy fabric down my shins and flicking them off to the side.

"I know," he smirked, hooking his fingertips into the waistband of my panties.

"Hey!" I protested weakly. "You're gonna... I'm gonna... I'll just lay back for a second." I stuttered incoherently as I felt his tongue graze my clit.

It was a mere lick, not even a full suck, and already I was a mound of horny desperation.

"You'll suffocate, I'm huge, you'll die... no air..." I stammered, his response was to use his fingers to spread my lips, circling around my entrance.

I moaned. Loud.

Had it been any earlier in the week, Charlie would have been home.

_Thank fuck!_

Although, we'd managed to hide, or try to obscure our noises whilst my father was residing with us, when we had been physical (since Edward got his memory back and I pronounced my desire to return to Forks).

Edward had stressed we should wait for a few weeks, possible to deter me from ever going, on the pretense that his broken hand needed to heal so he could drive easily the whole way.

"And I need my punching hand operational." He had also provided in explanation. To which my reply was, "You were never this barbaric and angry before you met me, were you?" He just grinned.

And here I was, thinking about a conversation three weeks ago, when my beautiful Adonis fiancée had his mouth between my legs.

I threw my head back as he inserted a finger inside me, my arousal lubricating his movements and rupturing the rhythm of my steady heart beat.

I panted, losing my voice for a moment as he added two more fingers, pressing his tongue harder against the bundle of nerves, releasing a flurry of pleasurable pin pricks down my spine.

I reached blindly for something to hold on to as he lifted both my legs up onto his shoulders, wrapping them around his head before diving right the fuck in.

I mewled, for fuck sake.

A ripple of ecstasy quaked through my sore muscles and spread a relaxing toxin of ambrosia through my veins. I tensed up as he pumped his fingers in and out of me, running his tongue up my slit, flicking it against my nub. I sucked in a breath and felt myself clamp down around his fingers, coating him. My thighs pressed against either side of his head before his large hand gently pried them back apart.

Like a sedative, my orgasm had practically knocked me to the floor, which is where I'd be if I hadn't been lying down already.

I shook my head dizzily, a sleepy smile spreading across my face as he raised his head, giving me one final lick that made me twitch.

"Edward." I moaned, feeling the blush take over my skin, not induced by bashfulness, but because he'd just taken me to pleasure town (and apparently it was really hot there).

I felt his hands glide along my bare thighs, his right hand particularly hot and wet.

He kissed my inner thigh, then up my belly, pulling my shirt up as he went.

"You're doing it wrong," I told him. "I thought you were supposed to take my clothes off, first?" I asked groggily, sitting up on my elbows as he pulled his own shirt off.

I felt his erection press into my sacred valley as he leaned forward, hard and at attention, I just wanted a really rough fuck, but knew it was impossible in my... condition.

He helped me undress completely, which took three seconds in total before his face was buried in yet another part of my anatomy. He licked his tongue around both nipples as I gripped his hair, pulling him close as the sensation became so pleasurable, it was painful.

He groaned into my chest, his hips shifting involuntarily to grind into mine.

"Yes," I said breathlessly.

He dropped his pants, somehow having unbuckled his belt already.

Cheeky Bastard.

I loved that cheeky Bastard.

"Lean forward, baby." He whispered huskily.

I obeyed and felt him lift my ass slightly, angling himself to make it more comfortable for me. And as easily, but slowly as possible, he pushed inside me and I felt like I'd been run through with a freight train.

I groaned, digging my nails into his back as I tried to keep my own back straight, retaining the missionary position, always so painfully slow.

He moved in me, keeping a gentle, steady grip on my waist. His cock moved in and out, hard steel masculinity, a heavy concentrated line in his brow.

I felt myself stretch to accommodate his size as he thrusted, his length almost too much to bear as the pleasure inside me spiked into a shuddering white heat.

~0~

"Charlie said the traffic should be alright, he's been corroborating with other police stations from between Forks and Seattle, monitoring roads for accidents and crap," I rolled my eyes at my father's steadfast road safety precautions.

Edward reached over, squeezing my knee as he kept his grip on the wheel. I watched his face throw off a glow of content in the early morning glare, a comfortable line to his mouth, but also an underlying concern about where we were headed. I was pleasantly surprised with how cool he was being about this all. So cool, that he hadn't spoken a word since leaving our apartment this morning. I thought the conversation had been a bit one-sided.

I heard him sigh next to me, his hand shifting back to the steering wheel to grip it exaggeratedly.

"Edward," I coaxed his eyes to glance at me, "Thank you."

"For what?" he frowned in confusion.

"For coming. For ignoring your own best interests to let me do something stupid; for putting what I want first, even if it makes you freak out." I explained, rubbing his forearm, the tendons standing on end as he clenched his fist around the wheel again.

"I... Bella..." he cleared his throat, his adam's apple bobbing up and down his throat. "You're welcome," he murmured, a slight perk to his mouth, lifting it up in the corners.

Once we reached the Edmond's ferry to take us across to Kingston where the road to Forks was pretty direct, Edward's shoulders were tensed, his hands still glued to the steering wheel as if we were speeding through a blizzard; and not sitting mobile. I scowled out at the grey blanketed sky above us before I turned in my seat fully.

It was as if he'd been trying to hold in how anxious he really was, just to appease me, or to keep me from worrying any more than I already was.

I rubbed my belly, and the actions seemed to draw his eyes from the windshield and the blue sedan sitting in front of us.

He reached out and clutched the hand that had been cradling my stomach, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.

"I killed Embry," he whispered, eyes watching my stomach and not my own eyes.

His breathing faltered guiltily as I froze in shock; my heart plummeting from an immeasurable height.

I just stared at him, waiting for him to gather strength to look me in the eye, to not ignore my gaze, and to acknowledge me.

"You what?" I choked, still disbelieving. "How? When?" I demanded, almost shrieking. My body hugged the precipice of sanity before I flew off the handle.

"I needed to tell you, I couldn't keep it from you any longer. I..."

"When, Edward? How?" I ground out angrily. Anger for what reason, though?

He'd successfully eliminated the figment of my nightmares, the phantom in the dark that left me afraid.

"Why...?" I whispered, tears falling.

"You know why!" he rebuked, placing both hands on my stomach, to show me. "You said it yourself, he was never going to give up. I didn't want to live with the possibility of you never coming home because he'd gotten to you." His eyes were fierce with defiance. "You're the reason."

"Answer my other question, then. How long ago, and how did you _do it_?" I practically yelled, growing agitated despite his heartfelt confession, and the confidence he'd had in me to share his secret.

"The day Renee came." He finally admitted, his eyes darkening into a hostile pool of no remorse. He then added, "I shot him in the head."

My eyes bugged out of my head and I couldn't speak a word.

_Relief._

"Charlie had him kept somewhere, so he could decide what to do with him."

I _knew_ he'd been involved!

"He killed someone before we got to him; and he almost killed Charlie."

I covered my mouth, closing my eyes.

"He threatened me; told me that as long as he lived, he'd be out there, trying to get to you. You expect me to live with that? How do you expect yourself to live with it?"

I opened my eyes and dropped my hands to my lap.

I rubbed my hands over my face and stared out the windows, at the people around us, their obliviousness to the turmoil in our little space.

I looked at him, his reddened eyes and flushed cheeks; his eyes glowing feverishly as he watched me gather my wit enough to yell, or scream or cry some more.

I opened my mouth to speak; but my emotions were so ambivalent that I wasn't sure which avenue to take.

Should I be angry, or should I be thanking him?

Should I be angry that he'd risk our lives together, running the chance of going to jail? Or, should I be relieved, and happy that we would finally, _finally _get some peace of mind?

I watched the road, instead.

~0~0~

We arrived at the hospital around one p.m., making a few short stops so I could pee and eat, then pee some more. I hadn't peeped a word to Edward since the ferry ride, and wasn't planning on speaking much until we got home, or maybe even longer after that.

I'd settled down enough, though, by the time we reached the limits of Forks, which left room for me to get anxious again and start hyperventilating. The mental ward in the Fork's hospital would be dreary and not very well sourced, but then again, it was a town of three thousand, so there weren't that many unstable beings out here.

_Although..._

She could have been placed in the drug rehabilitation center. That would probably also be suffocatingly small.

I clicked my fingers distractedly as I hauled myself out of the car, causing Edward to grunt in disapproval before he sauntered to my side, twining our hands together tightly as we walked through the parking lot, a dismal greyish space set before the dismal, grey walls of the medical institution. I let him hold my hand, out of my own selfish requirement of comfort, even though I wasn't going to be the first to say something.

I was close to dropping my head between my knees to calm the fuck down, but my legs wouldn't stop, and before long, we were standing at the reception desk, asking which room Angela Weber was residing in.

"She's in room three-eighteen." The red-headed, middle aged woman told us.

She narrowed her eyes at me for a moment, as if trying to familiarize herself with a painting she'd thought she'd seen.

"Oh!" she squeaked. "Isabella Swan!" as she took in the rest of my abnormally large form, a slow, mischievous smile spread over her mouth.

"And you're radiant!" she added gleefully.

I smiled awkwardly as Edward smirked before she pointed us in the right direction.

"Fucking great; now everyone we know will recognize us, and then get a load of my big pregnant mug. Then they'll know what we've been doing." I cringed, although what Edward and I did, I would never cringe over, merely the thought of other people imagining it.

..._and that is all I'm going to say to you._

Edward shook his head meekly, our hands separating as we filed down the corridor towards the cafeteria.

Angela was barely recognisable...

Her hair was tied up in a messy bun, her skin lighter in color than I was used to, having barely seen much daylight in what would be months. Her eyes looked slightly dull, but she didn't look tired, or ill.

Just... drained of life, of oomph, of pizzazz.

I hesitated at the doorway, getting shoulder barged by a gangly nurse in white scrubs.

"Oh, sorry—" he squeaked awkwardly, his voice falling familiarly on my ears.

He realized who I was, was ready to turn away, when Edward's hand shot out, gathering a handful of clothing at his shoulder.

"Ben!" I breathed, naturally glad to see him, but under the bleak circumstances, I understood why he wouldn't want to be recognized by someone like me.

I pulled him into a tight hug, his hands cautiously resting on my shoulder blades and patting me safely in that area before drawing back, his face drawn and pale as his eyes shifted restlessly to the young girl in the corner of the room, like a compass needle pointing north.

"What are you doing here?" I asked airily, registering a split-second later that he was obviously one of the staff here, the word 'volunteer' printed on his name tag.

His dark hair fell unceremoniously into his eyes, as if obeying an order from his brain to cover his face, or so he wouldn't have to look at me.

"I work here, Bella." He said gruffly, a slight edge to his words and a hardness to the look he gave me, glancing back at Angela's table, empty besides herself who had just looked up in time to see me staring.

Her eyes widened, and she almost looked scared. In fact, she looked utterly terrified. She stood up, almost pushing her tray to the floor when Ben noticed, turning fully to go to her.

"Angie, it's okay, sweetheart, it's okay—"

She leaned into him, using him as a human wall to hide herself from us as we slowly approached. It was like trying to walk up to a scared kitten, or puppy. Her emotions and reactions were volatile, and by the look on Ben's face, we weren't expected, or welcome.

"Angela."

I said her name, and the moment she heard it, her head perked up at the sound.

She looked at me, straight in my eyes before staring unabashedly at my stomach, her lip trembling before she erupted in a fit of tears.

"Come on, honey, I'll take you to bed, come on..." Ben urged, looked at me, and then Edward before adding, "I think you should go."

Edward's hand grasped my upper arm steadily, waiting for my orders, so to speak.

I just gazed at the wreck of the girl in my old friend's arms. The clothes that clung to her even skinnier frame, and the weak whimpers of a little girl; innocent light shattered by the influence of corrupt, gritty darkness.

My best friend was a shadow of herself, in pain, and in trouble. I'd managed to forget about her, mostly, for the past few years while I was leading the life I'd craved since finding Edward.

I shrugged off his hand, wincing at the look of hurt on his face before I gradually put one foot in front of the other, making my way over to Angela.

She looked at me as if I was insane.

"Why are you here, Bella?" she mumbled, her voice so quiet and subdued that it was difficult to hear her in this room bustling with hungry people.

She wiped under her eyes, and I followed the movement, a plastic hospital band wrapped around her wrist.

"I wanted to see you," I answered simply as her eyes burrowed into mine.

Edward followed my steps exactly, as if he had a rope tied around his waist that was somehow attached to my body, restricting the amount of space allowable between us.

Physical space, that is.

I shot him an inscrutable look which he purposely ignored. Instead, he pulled a chair out for me then sat down in the one next to it, waiting for everyone to move out of their frozen postures.

I melted slightly, and lowered myself down, quite uncomfortably.

"Ang, come on," Ben said, motioning to leave.

"No... I—" she looked up at him; the look between them was one of love. And if Ben's career choice was any indication, it was unconditional, devoted love.

"I want to talk to them. I want to, really," she told him, and as if sensing her warning tone that said not to push her one way or another, he let her sit back down.

Looking back at him again, "Can I have a moment with them?"

Ben watched us for a second, his eyes scrutinizing our expressions as if he was trying to get us to divulge our reasons for being here, and what we were going to say to her.

He chewed his tongue, squinting at me accusingly before shuffling to the other end of the cafeteria, another patient gaining his divided attention.

Angela looked back at us, a shadow passing over her eyes. Shadows of guilt.

"I don't know why you'd ever want to see me again," she murmured, placing both her hands on top of the laminate table, picking her nails off.

I looked down at my own hands, the nails bitten as a symptom of stress, and placed them in front of me, too.

I could still feel Edward's eyes directly on me; threatening to pull me into a breakdown. I gritted my teeth and looked up again, realizing that Angela was waiting for me to respond.

"Me either," I said truthfully, clearing my throat.

Look down; look up.

"You hurt me, Ang," I shortened her name, just the way I used to.

The way Ben does, and yet somehow, leaves an odd taste in my mouth. It sounds foreign in my voice.

"I know," she said, barely able to raise her voice above a whisper. "I know. And I will regret losing our relationship _every single day _that I'm in this place." She looked at the walls, waiting them to seep macabre ink and blood like the hell hole she believed this place to be.

They stayed plain, clean and generic. However, I don't know if I would be more haunted by the blinding whiteness, or if I began to see blood drip down them.

"But just because I'm sorry about it, doesn't mean it's going to get better."

I bit down hard on my lip.

"You're right. I know that; we both do," I said, speaking for Edward and myself.

Angela turned her gaze on him, then, like she only just noticed he was there, listening.

"Mr. Cullen," She acknowledged.

His jaw clenched, blazing green irises burned holes into her head, threatening a supernova.

I touched his leg and he snapped his glare back to me; becoming aware of how tightly wound he was.

"I didn't come here to make friends again," I stated. "I don't think we'll ever get back there. I already know that, I've thought about it constantly. I just wanted you to tell me everything I didn't get to find out."

She paled visibly, shifting in her seat, fidgeting nervously.

"What..." she began.

"Did you do it because you believed what they told you; did you do it because you truly thought I was some sorceress—" the words sounded ridiculous, fables tainted with the insanity of others, projecting tales onto real people, "—or was it just the drugs?"

I swallowed thickly, eyes watering to wash away the images in my head.

"Tell me which came first."

Her mouth parted as she sucked in a breath.

"I was lonely; Ben was gone—you were in your own world—and I got invited to a party. I was slipped something, and... I got addicted, Bella."

That was the first time she'd said my name.

I shivered.

"It was an accident," she stammered, tears welling. "I couldn't sleep, or think, or do anything after that. I needed the drugs again to be normal. I needed it to feel good again. And the drugs came with the stories."

"The stories?" I muttered the inquiry.

"I can't... remember..."

Edward made a noise and I ignored him.

"You wouldn't," He murmured, seething.

I licked my lips and turned to him.

"Give me some time with her—"

"No!" he objected with wide eyes.

"Yes. Now," I demanded.

I could apologize later, but I knew that this was the only time I'd see Angela again. I was alright with that, but I was not alright leaving it like this. Edward must have read it in my eyes, because the fire in his dimmed, and he stood up. He pushed the chair with more force than necessary, eyeing me for a second, sending me messages in his burning stare.

I nodded and he moved away.

"You're having a baby," she whispered, and when I realized she said it with a sad, adoring wonder, I felt my eyes start to sting.

"Yeah, we are."

She rubbed her fingers along her bottom lip, her shoulders gaining a sort of lax now that she was away from the stabbing pressure of Edward's presence.

"This is so surreal," she mused weakly.

I nodded in understanding.

"How long...?"

"You know how long, Ang. And it hasn't stopped. Not yet, anyway," I said, my heart clenching.

She frowned partially.

"The stories were Mike's idea," she confessed.

I breathed in deeply through my nose, staving off the inevitable nausea that came whenever that name was mentioned.

"I remember when he told them to us, to me. I didn't believe them at first... they said you were going to devour the tribe, kill them... do some ludicrous things..."

She shook her head, a dark amusement tugging the corners of her mouth up.

"And after a while, I started to believe it," she nodded to herself and shrugged. "Things only got worse from there."

I didn't say anything; where was the sense of fulfillment I was supposed to get once she told me it was all the drugs and none of her own beliefs?

Why didn't I feel good knowing that she didn't hate me, that she was only an addict?

"How did they find out about... us?" I asked, knowing she'd understand who I was referring to.

"Apparently Mike saw you one day, in the music room, or something. He never shared much about the details. That was after it had all started, though. They were already suspicious of you, two, somehow. When you rejected Mike, he assumed that because Mr. Cullen defended you, there was something going on between you guys. I guess that was the only thing he got right."

"I, uh, never found out... um, how Jacob... died?" I watched the table then, focussing on a specific section of bubbling plastic, flaking off the surface like acid.

"Oh, yeah," She muttered grimly.

"What happened?"

She sighed, long and heavy.

"They told me about a week after it happened. He was in juvenile detention, going through drug counseling and stuff... and, one night, someone strangled him."

I swallowed, feeling a little more settled, hearing the morbid news from someone else gave it a sense of realism.

"It was completely random," she went on. "It wasn't instigated. He died, and that was that."

I shook my head.

"No, it wasn't."

_...I smiled happily to myself when I heard a rustle in the shrubs to my left. I couldn't have been more than few dozen yards from where I had left Edward before. Maybe it was him trying to scare me? I deep, dreaded feeling settled into my stomach once I knew that it was not the case. I turned around but not before a rough, firm hand grabbed my ankle and pulled me to the ground. My hands flew out, breaking my fall. I screamed. They were dragging me towards the bushes, out of sight, out of hearing range._

_I screamed louder, piercing through the silence..._

"...Embry came back."

A nauseated fear layered her expression. I looked at the floor as I recounted the second round of trauma I'd experienced because of these people.

"So, he's been put away, right?" her voice quivered in question, her attention wrapped around me like tentacles.

I stilled.

"Um, yes."

She sighed in relief as I swallowed my lie. Suddenly, her relaxed face deteriorated, and she looked distressed again, her shaking hands clutching at the sides of her head.

"I'm a terrible person for doing what I did to you, Bella. I-I understand why you'd never want to see me again, never want another thing to do with me. It's my fault, everything that happened. I betrayed you, so horribly. I ran away when you needed me..." she cut off with a sob.

"I'm not asking for your forgiveness," she cried. "It's not even right to ask for it. I don't deserve it. All I want you to know is that I'll be sorry for the rest of my life."

Instinctively, I placed my hand on hers and grasped it tightly, a warm, semi-bond still apparent, but our friendship was unsalvageable.

"That's what I came to hear from you," I admitted.

There was silence for a while.

"What are you going to call the baby?" she wondered softly.

"I'm not sure yet, but it's a girl," I answered, a strong edge of pride in my tone.

A small smile appeared, lighting her features up.

"A girl?" she whispered.

I smiled tearily.

"I'm happy for you, Bella. I should have told you that to begin with. We all chose our paths, didn't we?" she said the last part bitterly.

"I chose to ignore my friends, to corrupt my own abilities and intelligence all for..." she looked around again and sighed, "...this."

"You can get better," I assured her, not knowing how honest I was being.

"Right," she muttered sarcastically. "I've relapsed a few times over. Ben has... I don't deserve him," she shook her head vehemently.

"His parents disowned him when they found out he was working here to stay with me. He lost his family for a drug fucked psychopath..." another deep breath. "Though, I guess the ones that really love you are the ones that break the rules for you."

~0~0~

It was nine p.m. and Edward had left me alone in the living room. He had silently migrated to the bedroom to escape the tension I was exuding.

I was actually thinking about what Angela had said.

Pushing myself unlanguidly from the sofa, I padded into the bedroom where the lights were already turned off, Edward was in bed, his back to me.

I chewed on my lip before stripping down to my camisole, and underwear, unable to contain my groan as I sat down on the bed. He didn't move, or stir, which meant he was keeping quiet on purpose.

I sighed and laid back, rolling onto my side. I had planned on saying something, but my eyes fell closed too swiftly, colors and vivid streams of slumber overtook my mind.

"_Angela?" I exclaimed, sitting on a playground swing set in the middle of a forest._

"_Angela, you're bleeding!" I cried, pointing to her hands and forearms soaked in the macabre crimson._

_She looked down at herself, as if suddenly realizing she was covered with it. Looking contemplative, she brought her fingers up to her eyes for closer inspection, shrugging at me as I stared, mouth wide open in shock._

"_Bella, you're bleeding."_

"Bella."

I tumbled back into reality, the warm dimness of our bedroom bathed in lamp-light, feeling an odd constriction in my abdomen. When I felt Edward holding me tightly, I became lucid, facing him with wide, weary eyes.

"You're bleeding," he said, holding his hand up as evidence.

I stared at the bloody translucent liquid coating his fingers, and a tremor ran straight through to my very core.

"Get me to the hospital. Now," I panted, feeling the pain sharpen and throb, unrelenting.

He threw himself off the bed, gathering clothes and pulling them on as I tried to pull myself up into a sitting position.

"Ow, ow, OW!" I screamed.

Edward was tripping over himself as he came back into the room, shoving my clothes into an overnight bag. It was almost comical.

"Oh my God, shit. Fuck! Bella!" he was distraught, tearing chunks of hair out, almost.

"Edward," I groaned.

"We gotta get you there. Car, car. Where the fuck are my keys?"

"Edward."

"Shit! You're bleeding! That's not good! That's NOT good! Please, help, God. Jesus!"

"Edward."

"I'm so lost! Bella, let's go. We gotta go! I can't lose you! I can't! Fucking hell! This can't be happening,"

"Edward," I shouted as he stumbled to my side. "Edward, I'm okay. I'm okay," I sucked in a breath, nodding hard as I put a foot to the floor, dragging myself closer to the edge.

"That bleeding is normal, it's not just blood, its a discharge. It's called 'the bloody show'." I explained through the pain.

"That's not reassuring," he stressed loudly, his voice an octave higher than usual. "I'm freaking out, are you sure—"

"Listen! For frack sake, Edward, I'm sorry I was angry; I'm sorry. I forgive you, I mean. No. You don't need to be forgiven. I need you to forgive me," I blurted out as I felt my stomach tighten into an impossibly small bundle.

"I'm—I'm fuck, I'm having a baby..."short huffs of breath between my words made me sound like an enraged bull. "I mean, 'we're' having a baby. We are. Ang told me something, Edward. She told me that the people who love us, the people who matter—they're the ones that break the rules for us. You broke the rules! You've been breaking them for years, since we met, all the rules, just fucking broken. I totally dig that, I'm so glad you're not straight edge—" I was rambling.

"What?" Edward cried, uncomprehending.

"I'm glad you broke the rules, Edward. He's gone. He's dead, and I'm happy. I know it may be wrong, but you did it for us, and I'd be damned lying if I said I wouldn't do the same," I almost screamed, my words running together to become barely recognizable.

But Edward's exultant grin beamed through the dark room and almost knocked me the fuck out.

"Okay, troops, let's go—these contractions are too close together. This baby isn't going to flucking wait."

He grasped my hands and hauled me to my unsteady feet before heaving my two ton overnight bag over his shoulder, grabbing his keys, phone and camera as I waddled to the door. I had one hand on my lower back, afraid the weight in my front might actually snap me in half.

"Quick, quick, quick!"

We made it to the car without incident, and violated over a dozen road rules on our speedy trip to the hospital, which on a normal day would have taken around twenty minutes, instead consisting of nine.

Any other day when my vag wasn't being stretched to the size of a meteor crater, I would care about Edward making stupid traffic violations. But right now, I happened to be pushing out a fucking mammoth, or so it felt like.

I was gritting my teeth as Edward wheeled me into the emergency room.

"Baby. Hurtie, Private room. NOW!" I ordered, slapping my palm down on the receptionist's desk.

She conversed with Edward as I writhed around in my chair, feeling the uncomfortable pressure on my cervix, my uterus trying to squeeze out the little human inside of it.

Then I was being pushed into a room and helped out of the chair, a hospital gown shoved into my hands. Edward took it from me gently and closed the curtain around us so he could help me take my clothes off.

"It hurts, Edward," I whimpered, pulling off the knee-length jacket I'd thrown on over my underwear.

He helped me into the gown and had me sit down so he could take my underwear off.

The urgency was still there in his eyes, but right now, we were sort of on the home stretch. We were at the hospital, ready and waiting. When he had me lying down on the bed, he covered me with the blanket and pulled the curtain half-way back as we heard someone approaching.

A young man, older than Edward, but not ancient, stepped into view and closed the door behind him, a warm, friendly smile adorning his face.

"Perky? At this time of morning?" I scoffed, my head falling back on the pillow as the doctor chuckled.

"Hello, Miss. Swan? Is it?"

"Sort of."

"Miss Swan, I'm Doctor Jenks, how are we doing this evening?"

I glared at him and he pressed his lips together to hide his smile. Fucking sadist mid-wife, fucker.

"Alright that's fine," another woman walked into the room with a barrage of equipment. "We're just going to set you up, attach you to the fetal heart monitor and get you prepped to have the baby. Did you have a specific birth plan to follow? Or would you like to opt for the epidural?"

"Um, I don't know?" I muttered, a little distracted as I heard the quick, but steady beating of my baby's heart.

The nurse put an IV in me, too, and attached me to my own monitors and equipment that looked rather disconcerting. She then proceeded to take my blood pressure and write it down on my clipboard.

"We just think it's best to plan this out now, in case you go into an early labor. We can't start pushing until you're fully dilated. How far apart are your contractions?" he asked, sitting down on a low chair with wheels. It was like an office chair, except for sadists.

"Just prop your feet up for me, sweetheart," he asked gently, pulling on a pair of gloves.

He pulled the blanket up from over my feet and flipped it over my knees as I spread them apart.

"I'm early. I'm not due for another three weeks," I told him frantically.

"Just relax for me, okay?" he said tenderly as he lowered his gaze to my lady glory.

Edward's hand came over my head, wiping a layer of sweat away before I put his hand in a death grip, like a python.

I breathed slowly as I felt a bit of prodding.

"Okay," he announced as he resurfaced from Bella-Land. "You're about five centimeters dilated. You only have five more to go and then we can start pushing. This is usually the point where the contractions get rather painful, and where most women decide to have the epidural administered."

"Yes. Yes!" I clapped. "That would be lovely."

"It will take up to twenty minutes to set up, and we will have to take your blood pressure every ten minutes for up to half an hour after that, possibly longer if you're having difficulty. I also have to remind you, Isabella, that if you start to feel the urge to push, then it's quite likely that you've dilated fully, and we won't have time to give you the anesthetic."

I nodded, although I wasn't listening as I stared up at Edward.

"This is happening," he whispered as I felt another contraction.

"Whoah," I clenched my eyes shut. "Oh, God."

~0~0~

"What's happening?" I asked dazedly, my skin feverishly hot.

I was lying back, light blinding me over my head. We were in the delivery room and Edward was there beside me still, holding my hand and stroking my hair. He had on a hair net, a mask and a sort of smock, thing.

"It's too late for the drugs, Isabella," Dr Jenks declared, a bandanna over his hair, and I could have sworn he was enjoying the look on my face that said 'are you fucking insane'?

"But, but no! I need them—argh!" I cried out, feeling like the lower half of my body was about to fall off.

"Bella it's time," Edward said. "Come on, you only need to push."

"PUSH?" I screamed, reddened and furious.

"I just need to push? Well, fuck me, if that's all I have to do."

Dr. Jenks had pushed the blankets further up my legs as more nurses entered the room. I was completely unabashed about showing myself off to the world now. Who cared?

I certainly didn't, not at this point, anyway.

"Okay, Isabella, when you feel the urge to push, you need to push. Before we do that, we need to take a deep, cleansing breathe and hold it as we push. Okay, honey?"

I nodded and Edward had lowered his head next to mine as I felt my heart beat thunder inside my chest, my legs shaking.

"I'm scared," I whimpered before sucking in a deep breath.

"I'm here," Edward promised.

Like my body was acting of it's own volition, I could feel myself gritting my teeth and clenching my muscles, squeezing and pushing just like I'd been told.

I held my breath, as the doctor chanted, "Keep going, keep going..." I finally let it go, the breath turning into a cry as it reached the end, and I was already exhausted.

"No more, no more, give me a second!" I pleaded. "Please!"

"Isabella, I know that you're tired but it's important that you keep pushing. Rest in between pushes, okay? We need to go again, ready?"

"No!" I cried, even though I felt myself bracing against the bed, my nails digging into Edward's palm quite viciously as I felt the weight and pressure lower further down inside me.

"GOD!" I wailed, staring into his eyes as they searched mine.

"Okay, you're doing excellent. You're doing great," he congratulated me with such cheeriness that I was ready to kick him in the face.

"I can't do this!" I screamed.

There was a severe burning sensation around my entrance, and I felt a deluge of tears coating my face.

"It hurts too much, do it for me!" I beseeched to my fiancée, his face just as delighted and wondrous as the doctor's.

I was ready to punch them both.

"Motherfucking French fry, shit, cock, balls!" I howled, shaking with tears.

"Okay, the baby is crowning now, we're almost there, honey. Isabella, we need to keep going. It's almost done. She's almost here."

I blubbered and nodded, burying my face into Edward's neck and gripping the collar of his inside-out shirt.

"Okay we will rest here for a second..." he trailed off.

A moment or two later, he was demanding me to push again, really hard.

"Fuck you, doc!" I shouted, pushing with all the strength I had left.

"Come on, baby. Come on!" I tried to coax the little thing out myself as I pushed through the agony.

"The shoulders are out," he called, having his assistants swarm around him.

Edward was leaning over to look.

"No! If you see me like this, you'll be scarred forever!"

He just shook his head and caught a peek before I pushed once more, long and fucking hard. And just like that, they were all over her, cleaning her, clearing her airways before I heard the most magnificent cry in the world.

Edward buckled over and put his face in the crook of my neck as they wrapped her in a blanket then handed her over to us.

"Very healthy and beautiful," Doctor Jenks told us.

I sucked in a breath and sobbed as I soaked in the beauteous pink being in our arms.


	18. My Girl

Forgive my horrendously late update, and also, my lack of a Beta. I will be getting back into the swing of using Labeano2002's expertise asap, as long as she'll still have me. Thank you all for your patience, and encouraging reviews. You guys are what keep me writing. I should hope to be updating Essenza Del Lupo next. Can't wait!

Props to The Office-I got my post-baby bliss muse from their episode The Delivery Part 1 and 2.

Hope you guys enjoy this.

The Beatles- Here Comes the Sun (my music muse)

* * *

Edward spluttered unintelligibly, pressing his lips to my ashen forehead. I was panting with exertion, the task of shooting a baby out of my vag like it was a t-shirt shot out of a cannon at a sporting event really had me spent of energy. I stared down at the wrinkly pink lump of skin and tiny limbs I cradled in my arms.

Her face was scrunched up like she'd tasted something sour, her mouth stretched into an oval as she screamed, cried, and gurgled. It was bizarre; but nothing could take this moment from me. For some reason, she was actually mine, she belonged to me, made from my own.

I realised, with frightening clarity, that there isn't a day I would have done differently in my past, not if it meant I could hold my daughter in my arms.

"Oh, God..." Edward murmured, his chin resting on my shoulder.

I turned my head slightly to watch him from the corner of my eye.

"...what?" I questioned, surreptitiously counting her fingers and toes, making sure her head wasn't square or she'd sprouted fangs.

"She's beautiful." He answered easily, and I could have sworn his expression was exasperated, his tone implying that our baby's beauty was a burden to him.

I frowned.

"What's so bad about that?"

"Now, I'll have to buy _two_ shotguns," he muttered miserably. "I thought it was bad enough fighting them off of you, now I'll have to lock you both up to keep the admirers at bay." He whined, his head falling into the crook of my neck in genuine resignation.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"She can't help it if she has hot-as-fuck genes," I countered with a smirk, noticing that the female nurses still lingering in the room raised an eyebrow at my language.

By the time they shot my fiancée a look of calculating contemplation; they realised I was right.

"She's so cute!" I crowed.

She'd calmed down now, her eyes squinted shut and her mouth lifted in a scowl as she realised she wouldn't be going back to her warm cocoon inside me. The lease is up, you ain't moving back in.

Her hair was a thick, matted, mop of brown and copper. I could imagine holding her up to the sunlight and finding gilded strands of red and gold in her hair. She got the best of both of us, hopefully she wouldn't receive my perpetual stubbornness, and Edward's constant martyr complex.

"I just want to eat her all up," I hissed with excessive fervor.

It could have been the exhaustion, or it could have been the morphine...

"O-_kay, _time to get Mommy some food before she scoffs down our child." Edward chuckled.

I tightened my hold on her, though, feeling my body shake with euphoric laughter. A day that couldn't, by anyone's standards, get any better.

"What time is it?" I asked, my words fractured by a rib-crushing yawn.

I was so tired that it made my eyes water. Oh, no, wait, I was just weeping.

"Hmph! I hoped the fucking emotions would be under control the second I dropped the kid from my womb—what the hell?" I sniffled, wiping my eyes on Edward's collar.

"Your shirt's inside out, baby," I commented distantly.

He didn't seem to care at the moment. He sighed contentedly, his arm resting around my own as we held a new life between us, untouchable, uncorrupted, simplicity and complexity in a bundle of impossibility.

I leaned my head against Edward's, revelling in this moment, sad that there wouldn't be another like it, but gloriously satisfied that it happened. This little, sweet, pocket of joy and warmth. She enveloped my heart so fast that I hadn't had time to catch my breath before I was in love with her.

My girl.

~0~

"Uh, no need to fuss!" I murmured apologetically.

I was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, attending to the little pink lump (we hadn't named her yet) that was lying face-up in her plastic crib. I was frazzled and tired, growing frustrated with myself as I couldn't get her to stop crying.

"Come here, sweetheart." I trilled lightly, doing a 'baby-voice' as I lifted her up.

I patted her diaper, and felt no extra baggage.

"Nothing in the trunk..." I said to myself, sticking my tongue out to her as she whined and carried on in express dissatisfaction.

"Oh, now you're just milking it." I sighed, wondering if she inherited that little gem from me, or her father.

I placed her against my chest, her chin resting on my shoulder as I gently pat her on the back, whilst simultaneously swinging us.

"Do you like that?" I asked in surprise as she calmed down.

She puked.

"Well, you could have just said so." I frowned, placing her back in her crib and re-swathing her back in a tight cocoon with her soft blanket; pink spaceships.

Edward said they were just ovals, but I beg to differ.

I plucked a few dozen wet-wipes from my nightstand, pausing briefly to sniff the bouquet of lilies next to the lamp. The gift card read a lovely congratulatory note from Edward's co-workers. Carmen had yet to visit me, and I was wondering with silent disappointment if she actually would.

I managed to get most of the vomit off of my shoulder, throwing the wipes in the trash as I clapped my hands together lightly, rubbing them as if preparing to lift weights. I psyched myself out a little, stretching my arms and rolling my head around to crack my neck.

God damn, my muscles were not co-operative today.

"Fuck these hospital cots." I muttered to myself, glaring at the uncomfortable mattress before turning my attention back to the child at hand.

"Alissa?" my fingers curled around the edge of her crib, trying the word out in my mouth to see if it fit.

Unsurprisingly, she stuck her tongue out, her hands covering her face as if she wanted nothing more than to guard herself from such a horrible name.

I pursed my lips speculatively, rummaging around in my brain, dredging around in the sleepless depths of memory where I'd kept my baby-name ideas.

I let my fingers fidget with her hands, poking her adoringly, without actually looking like a disturbed mother with Munchausen's Disease.

She grabbed a hold of my ring finger, tugging it up to her face like she was smelling it.

"Argh! You're strong!" I commended admirably. "You're gonna kick some ass when you're bigger." I grinned down at her.

She seemed to (as impossible as it was) understand my words, if not verbally, then she certainly registered the sentiment in my voice, the strength of love for her that I couldn't fathom, and probably never would, the endless ecstatic vibrancy she reflected inside me.

Her small mouth closed delicately, her legs stretching out and coiling back, kicking against the sides of her plastic prison as her blanket unravelled from her feet. I mustn't have wrapped it tightly enough.

She paused her movements, her eyes opening a slither, before widening slightly.

"Hey there, beautiful." I smiled, laughing at her dumb-founded expression.

A small bubble of content squeaked from her lips, something, I think, that resembled happiness.

"You're much too young to be laughing, missy, but keep doing it!" I bit my lip and stared in amazement.

"Don't grow up, I'm begging you." I sighed, leaning my elbow against the plastic rim and placing my cheek against my fist as I watched her.

She still had my left hand in her power, my ring finger caught in a death grip by her right, pudgy fist.

"How about Carol? Bertha? Shelby? Bobby Jo?" as I looked at her, I swear she was about to puke again.

"I think you're being picky, baby Cullen. Whoah, hey, I just remembered, I'm getting married soon! Feels important, although it should be easy, right?" I beseeched her.

She yawned.

"The Cullens—they like me, it should be alright. I'm still going to wear white, though, damn if I wore some has-been-matronly-three-times-divorced peach wedding gown just because I ain't no holy virgin anymore." I shook my head.

She gurgled a little, her head rolling against the crib's mattress. I fingered the hospital band wrapped around her wrist, 'Baby-Cullen-Swan' printed over the paper inside the sleeve of plastic.

I sighed again, gazing at her. I brushed my fingertips against the downy, baby hair around her head.

"I know Rosalie likes me, Alice loves me; it's bizarre...Alice was my freaking teacher! And now, I'm marrying her brother, who was also my teacher. A situation that I will kill you for, if you get involved in. We don't need this apple falling too close to the tree."

She smacked her lips lightly, drool pooling at the corner of her mouth.

"I know I'm being hypocritical; I just wouldn't want you to go through what I did, despite the sheer worth of the outcome...

"Maybe one day you'll ask me how I met your Daddy. I might tell you the truth. I'll tell you how his position was an obstacle, and probably how we never should have been together. I'll also tell you how impossible that was of happening. I was enamoured with him from the beginning. And, despite his best attempts to deny himself, he was in love with me, too. I'll tell you how real true love is, how insane it makes you; and perhaps you'll meet your second-half, your protector, your equal. They may take care of you, but you will also take care of them. And if it's real, then there is nothing, not time, space, or death can destroy what is always there."

Her eyes opened, as if in understanding; her irises an exact, if not more beautiful replica of her father's eyes.

A glistening green, shot through with flecks of illuminating gold and hazel.

A life shined in them; precarious, fragile, but with the strong thumping heart of a determined soul. I couldn't say what was in her path, what a long one I hoped it to be; I could only promise she'd have Edward and I with her, watching, from our respective posts as she traversed this life, beginning the way we all have.

~0~

EPOV

I've read a lot of books. I'm an English teacher/professor/extraordinaire. It comes with the territory. I've read fiction, and non-fiction, poetry, religion, crime, fantasy, self-help, Pyschology, traditional literature... I couldn't count how many times a character, or real-life protagonist has dealt with the very real issue of children, and child-birth.

I never thought I would have children, or even entertain the thought of a long-term relationship, let alone a child with my ex-student. The peculiar thing is, I never, honestly, saw Isabella Swan as one of my students, as a pupil, or as a child. Of course, none of them are children, they're adults in a child's institution. And, I, by law, had to treat them so.

Stupidly, and almost career-destructively, I pursued Bella, against all better judgement. I had almost made the unconscious decision to court her, before she hardly made it necessary.

"_I hate you!"_

"_Why?" she shrieked, eyes hollow with disbelief, and a shaking indignation._

"For making me love you so much!_"_

...but it was all simple, yet frighteningly complicated from there. An everyday contradiction embellished by words of kind devotion and unions of vivid passion, whilst being prodded and pushed to extremes by the cruel, disguised manipulation of others.

I had a pile of quarters in my palm, carrying them to the vending machine in the waiting room outside the maternity ward. The walls were pink and feminine, the nurses at their stations were all wearing pink scrubs. It was kind of blinding, but familiar and comforting, I guess. If it looked like any other part of the hospital, I suppose the only thing a woman in labour would be reminded of is death, and illness, and disease. Not a pleasant environment at all.

I pictured Bella's hand around mine, squeezing harder than I thought possible, the stress and adrenaline pumping through her was increasing her strength. She probably felt as if she was getting nowhere, but she was definitely amazing.

I had made plenty of trips to the ice-machine. If Bella was half-lucid before labour, I'd just swipe them over her forehead and she'd hum in relief. I downed the rest, shaking from head to toe, terrified and excited as any expectant father may be. I was dreading anything going wrong, but so incredibly anxious to see her finally, to hold her, to hold them both, that I was giddy, and only slightly crazy.

Only slightly.

Bella was crazy! She had acted so calm and collected when she woke up with blood on our sheets. Which, reminded me, I had to clean them...

I was so insane with worry, so used to any abnormal sign being a bad one.

But when our baby girl appeared, there was nothing else. I have a daughter.

"I have a daughter," I mused, enthusiastically, to myself.

I shook my head, unable to wipe the huge grin off of my face. It was making my cheeks ache, but it was impossible to get rid of. I tried to think of something that could make me feel differently, and I couldn't.

She had my eyes!

Mine! They were all mine.

I approached the machine, lining up behind one man who must have been in the same shoes as me.

He was pushing a button for lemonade, the machine groaned in protest, the light behind the large plastic sign flickering before turning off completely. It swallowed his money and he just stared at it, outraged.

"Damn it," he whispered to himself, unaware of my presence.

"Fuck," he added, a helpless lilt to his tone. "Damn, fuck... Damn it!" he shouted, pounding his fists against the machine.

"Whoah," I coaxed lightly, putting my hands out towards him. "Hey, buddy, shh...here, have my quarters," I offered.

He turned around, pink-faced and horribly fatigued.

"Why me?" he asked, although I deduced he must not have been talking about my strange charity.

He was dressed in what must have originally been a suit, his tie loose around the neck, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and appropriately dishevelled.

He registered my flushed face, my glistening bright eyes and a forlorn smile appeared on his face.

"You a new Dad?" he asked softly, resigned.

I took his hand and dropped my change in it.

"Yeah," I smiled. "Just this morning."

He glanced at the wall behind my head where the clock hung: eleven twenty-three a.m.

He looked down at the money I'd just dropped in his palm and he grew even redder, his ears turning scarlet with emotion that I didn't know how to react, so I just stood there, awkwardly, as this stranger started sobbing over a pile of coins.

"Hey, man," I murmured gently, albeit cautiously before I laid a hand on his shoulder.

He sniffled, not even trying to mask his internal destruction. I lead him over to the seats lined up against the wall and forced him down into one, taking a seat in the next one over.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Garret," he muttered, wiping the back of his hand under his runny nose.

He ran his fingertips through his black hair, scruffy, short, but probably usually gelled and kempt.

"Do you need me to call someone for you, Garret?" I offered politely, not sure what to do in this situation, besides being overly nice.

"No, I-I'm here with my wife." He explained, shaking his head and leaning his forearms against his knees. "She's uh, she..." his face screwed up in desperation, a fierce grief.

"Hey, it's okay." I attempt to console, despite my lack of knowledge for the man.

"She's in recovery right now; but our baby didn't...he...he...we found out he's sick, he has Down Syndrome..." sobs racked through him, so raw and so guttural, that it made my stomach churn uneasily.

"And I can't even pay for soda." He added dismally, the small mundane problem usually wouldn't be something to worry about, but in Garret's situation, probably amplified his helplessness.

But, I had no idea how to comfort him, having no idea what he was feeling, what he was going through.

"Listen, Garret. I have no idea what you're going through, I can only offer advice that you probably don't even want to hear..."

He remained silent.

"Don't give up." I murmured, lacing my fingers together between my knees.

He nodded, wiping at his blotchy face to remove any trace of tears.

"I love her, I love Shannon, I do." He promised, as if reassuring me of this fact was vital.

"Then you already know what to do." I told him.

He let out a deep, shaky breath and mumbled, "Yeah."

I gave him another pat on the back and stood up, planning to take the car out for a few minutes so I could buy some food, and call Charlie, and Renee.

"Hey, wait!" Garret protested, his hand grasping my elbow.

"What's your name?"

"Edward."

"Was it worth it, Edward? Would you think it's worth it? All of this stress, and pain, do you get anywhere, in the end, is it _worth it?_" he asked, his eyes pleading for the answer to which he thought I spoke gospel.

Perhaps I did, because I told him what I thought, and I knew it to be true.

"It was worth it. It _is_ worth it. You fell apart in front of a stranger, and all you needed to hear was 'don't give up', and you agreed. Simple words, my friend, they made you feel better because you already knew them. You already know it's worth it. In my personal opinion, however, I can't wait to take my baby and her mother home."

"What if she was sick? Like my son?" he asked glumly.

"Then I'd be even more determined to make it work."

His head bowed and he let go of me. I walked away, feeling bad for the guy, and how lucky I've been treated.

His turmoil lowered my mood as I left the hospital quickly to run some errands, anxious to be back with Bella and our daughter again.

Charlie was exultant, and swift to make plans to fly down, as was Renee.

I assured them, they'd both be welcome to stay with us in our apartment until Bella and the baby were settled back in.

I bought a huge bunch of carnations and freesias for Bella. I went a little crazy when I drove past a baby boutique, spending a little over half an hour (the longest I've dedicated myself to shopping) rummaging through a dozen racks of pink, purple, yellow, white and green Onesies.

I also snatched some balloons and set back to the hospital, sprinting back to Bella's room before she got worried about where I had gotten to. I'd also picked up some coffee along the way, so my arms were completely full.

I was still feeling awful for Garret, who wasn't in the waiting room when I walked by. I smiled sadly at the plethora of goodies I'd splurged on for my new family, wondering what Garret and Shannon were celebrating.

I walked in as Bella finished feeding the baby, buttoning her gown back up as she sat up in bed, propped up by pillows.

"Hey! Where have you been?" she immediately demanded, although cheerfully.

I stared at her, and my sadness for a stranger's tragedy was gone. I had something beautiful, and I was so grateful that they were both safe and healthy.

"I bought you these," I grinned, placing her flowers on the table and depositing the coffee right next to it.

"Oh my God, I love you." She ignored the flowers and went straight for the coffee. "I love you, honey."

She re-thought her actions, before she offered the baby to me.

"She needs to be burped, sweetie, how about you do the honours?"

My eyes must have lit up with a thousand watts, because she grinned and gently, she handed her over to me before she attacked the coffee cup, moaning into it.

I grasped her gently, her small body so unfathomable, so tiny, so warm and so part of me. I lifted her so her face was above my shoulder.

"Here, take the puke towel," Bella held it out to me and I placed it under her chin.

I began patting her back while Bella 'ooh'd' and 'aah'd' over the baby clothes I'd picked out for her. A small hiccup issued from her mouth and she was spent. As I swayed her gently, she fell asleep on my shoulder.

I must have been on a twenty-four hour adrenaline high and was now swiftly crashing into exhaustion. I guess I realised then, that I hadn't slept since bringing Bella in last night.

I yawned then, and Bella put her coffee down, beckoning me over. She shifted aside and held her arms open for our baby girl as I lay down on my side next to her, my feet almost dangling off the end.

I cuddled them both close to me, lavishing in the feeling of 'home'.

"How about we call her...Eliza? Eliza Marie Cullen. Marie for your grandmother." I mumbled into Bella's hair.

We both looked down at our girl, her mouth stretched comically as she lay unaware in our arms.

"It's no Bethany Rae, but I guess it is pretty enough." She joked.

"I think it's beautiful."

She turned her head sleepily towards me as my eyes half-closed, kissing me.

"It is."


End file.
